Weeping Moon: Remus
by Andraste Straton
Summary: Starting with the transformation in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban follow Remus and Sirius's relationship as it grows through their teenage years up to this point and beyond.
1. Chapter 1

**Not entirely in canon but as close as I would like to get!**

"Harry!" Hermione squealed, looking past me, up into the sky. I turned, fearing the worst.

I hadn't taken my potion today, caught up in all the excitement and events of the day. My eyes darted to Sirius, my Sirius, still half deranged from Azkaban. Still beautiful. He rushed over to me as I began losing myself.

I moaned as my bones began disjointing and rejoining in a different order. I just about felt Sirius's arms grasp my waist. It would have been heaven. 12 years since I'd last seen him, well I had been seeing him over the past few days, but we had to be careful, there were so many dementors around.

My hands, clutching at the back of Sirius's coat changed, becoming that of the soulless monster I was. The darkened claws merged from where my fingernails once were and I moaned again, this pain I had gone through a thousand times before coursed through me again.

Sirius was trying in vain to help me keep hold of something, something that would stop me tearing him apart the moment I changed completely. I tried I really did. But it was no use.

It was too late now. My feet became the length of my human shins and I shook my head, trying to make the next bit a little less painful. Like that would ever happen. It was the most painful part. My skull slowly stretched to accomodate my new muzzle and I grew a few feet in a few seconds.

I flung my arms open as my coniousness fled and I lost control of my rational mind. I sat back on my haunches and whimpered, the last of my human mind clinging on to this foreign body. I had just thrown the love of my life across the Hogwarts grounds into uncharted woods.

Hermione stepped forwards warily "Professor?" She questioned. My human left me and I threw my head back and howled. Hermione flinched and Severus appeared from somewhere, all I could think was how bloody hungry I am. I began hobbling towards them. Getting used to my other form.

Suddeny, a black shadow flew at me from my right and survival instinct kicked in. I bit and scratched, never actually breaking the skin, to my feral dismay. He ran and I chased after him, finding a new hunt, a far more interesting one than the few meagre humans.

I chased him around the grounds and eventually caught him, picked him up and threw him away from me. The only thing that could distract me in this state pierced the tranquil air;a howl, I turned and sped off to the direction of the howl.

I chased through forests after two teenagers. Harry and Hermione I later realised. They disappeared but their scent was still strong. I could hear their adrenaline fuelled hearts and heavy breathing. I snarled and wandered around, trying to pinpoint them.

I found them nestled behind a tree, cowering from me. I straightened up, readying myself for the kill. A squawk came from behind me and I turned, just in time for a huge claw to slash across my face. I ran, in pain and hoping to get away from whatever that was.

The moon was going behind a huge cloud, which threatened to block it out for the rest of the night, I hoped that was true. Human, and in incredible torn clothes, I wandered, half asleep, trying to find Sirius. Tell him I'm sorry and try to make it up to him.

I found him alone, lying there in the middle of the woods. I rushed over, waking up instantly. "Siri? Sirius. SIRIUS!" I yelled, crouching down next to my unconcoius love. "Siri, honey, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry, please just wake up." I cried, laying across his chest.

"I'm not letting you go, not now, not ever, so you are going to pull through. Are you listening to me? Sirius, you are pulling through this."

He stirred and groaned "Remi, I've never seen you so forceful," He grinned, trying to sit up. I got off him and dusted myself off. But why, my clothes were rags, and I had cuts and bruises all over me.

Sirius planted a gentle kiss on my lips and then on the cut across ym face, I smiled. "When was the last time you brushed your teeth or had a bath?" I questioned. He grinned.

"Azkaban is hardly a 5 star hotel Remus." I sat back, in thought. If only I could get him back to my chambers. Clean him up, get him closer to the Sirius I know and love.

"You don't look so hot yourself" He joked.

"When have I ever looked 'hot' Get real Siri." I laughed. He shook his head and leaned in closer "Youre seriously asking me that. You just need a bit of sleep,"

I smiled, finally back with the man I loved. But for how long? He'd already been ravished by dementors once tonight, how many more would be waiting?

**Hey Remus/Sirius fans! Listen up, me and my mate Lex Alexandrov are writing this one as Sirius and Remus (Me being Remus naturally!) and would really like some reviews! So please, check hers out, review them both and I promis you her's is as good, if not better than mine so give it a go, you never know!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! This story is going to tell you how Sirius and Remus got to how they are so it will jump around a little but it will be clearly labelled so dont be put off!**

_**The First Realisation**_

I found Sirius, one day early in the 5th year. He was crying; completely out of character for Sirius, he was the tough one out of us. Us, Moony (me), Wormtail (Peter Pettigrew), Padfoot (Sirius Black) and Prongs (James Potter). We were the pranksters, the troublemakers. All of us Gryffindor, all of us best friends.

I loved Sirius most of all though, he was pale, with a mess of dark hair; striking grey eyes, and a purely elegant aire. so when I found him, curled in an alcove in the Gryffindor common room, bawling his eyes out I was devastated.

I had hardly realised then how much I loved him, but it became apparent then, and I wasn't scared of it. People finding out, maybe but not actually being in love with Sirius Black. Out of breath from sprinting about Hogwarts trying to find him, I staggered tiredly over to him and sat opposite his beautiful, tearstained face.

All of a sudden he flew into a rage, yeling at me, screaming, demanding why I came. Then telling me to go away. I couldn't leave him like this, no way.

I giggled at his now red face and explained that I wanted to help him, "it's about James and Lilly, right?"

"H-how did-"

"An idiot could work it out Sirius."

"Seriously?" he asked, his voice going a little higher than usual. I giggled and nodded "Sirius-ly" I said, breaking the syllables apart. He laughedand headbutted me lightly.

Our forheads ended up pressed together. Sunlight giving hs charcoal hair light brown streaks. I gasped lightly and saw, not for the first time, why every girl in the school fancied him. His glacier grey eyes burned through my plain blue ones and saw right into my hybrid soul. I was ashamed of what I was, concealing it as long as I could. It was year two they found out. They accepted it, but it changed nothing.

Still many of my kind were killed for being werewolves. Still people held prejudices against us. Yeah, and being gay would be another reason for people to hate me.

As if reading my mind Sirius whispered "I couldn't care less what you are." then slowly began to lean in. Even though it was ultimately me who kissed him.

It was gentle to start with, but then the more my mind panicked, the more heated the kiss got. What if he hated me? Oh god, every time he would look at me I'd see disgust and revulsion. I'd lost the single joy in my life through this. He would hate me. Why isn't he pulling away? Then my mind connected with my mouth and I sharply jerked away, panting, on the verge of tears.

Sirius looked hurt and shocked. I got up and felt a slender hand around my wrist. I turned, only to meet his empty eyes for a few strained moments. I yanked my wrist away and fled.

I ran, not knowing where or how much further my legs would take me. I managed to, even in myhysterical state freeze the womping willow for long enough to reach the tunnel to the shrieking shack.

My own personal prison. Protecting the world from me. I collapsed onto the dusty floor with a sigh, trying to forget what just happened. My entire frame shook with helpless sobs and the floor was splattered with tears.

If he'd have wanted that he wouldn't have let me go. Wouldn't have let me run off. Would have said something. But no. Now I was a good-for-nothing gay werewolf with no friends, no future and no life. Maybe I should disappear. No-one would care.

As my sobs subsided I heard footsteps behind me. "Moony, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let that happen. I should have seen how you feel towards me. I should have known. But I want you to know that I don't regret the kiss, just that if we made something of it now you would just be a rebound for James, and you mean too much to be a rebound. I guess you want me to go. Well I won't bother you, um, I'm just going now."

"No. Sirius Black don't you dare leave. I have watched you for 5 years knowing there was something between us. But no you wanted perfect James. Perfect, yeah too perfect to be bloody well gay. Sirius,I have been right here for you, and you have been there for me, but as soon as James bats an eyelid im second place. Again. I am not a toy Sirius, not something that can be picked up and then dropped because you want something better. Like pure blood James, like human James, my kind have been through this for centuries and I expected to be different. What a stupid mistake. Oh and I guess it's because I'm a mudblood too. Well youcan take your families pias beliefs and stick them right up your arse."

He muttered something I couldnt understand and then got back to the topic. "Your kind Remus, all I know is you're human, like me, like every-bugger-else in this school. They are no better than you, not because of blood or species or anything. Remus you're perfect. It's me who bloody well isnt."

"What, you've got every girl in the school after you, the highest grades, the best looks, the amazing personality and you're the imperfect one."

"Yeah, every girl Mooney, we both know it's not girls I'm after."

**Review please, and I will try not to infect you when the next full moon comes around!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Back at the present (well for the 3rd film/book present)! Keep reviewing peeps**

Sirius, sitting opposite me in the clearing where he'd been attacked suddenly flicked his head up. "They're here, they're coming, Remus get out of here!" He hissed.

"Sirius, who's here?" I asked desparately, seeking answers in his grey eyes. His gaunt face held an expression of fear and dark resignation. "The Ministry, Moony I'm begging you, go, I am not dragging you down with me."

My mind went blank and I barely felt the leaves crunching beneath my feet. I had gone numb. My Padfoot had been found and was going to suffer a fate worse than death. A dementors kiss. I was close to crying, I had shed so many tears over Sirius through my youth, a few more wouldn't hurt.

But no, I had to be strong for him. So when he looked back he saw a confident, comforting face. Not a grown man crying, mourning a man who was still alive. No I would mourn once he was definitely dead. Or a soulless shell, which I considered worse, worse because I could see him, see the exquisite man I grew up loving, but he wouldn't be the man I loved, the man I had shared all of my teenage experiences with.

I gripped onto the sturdy oak I was behind, willing myself not to collapse. I was always the weaker one. Weaker personality, weaker mind, weaker body. Just weak. I saw the Ministry members come over to the docile, quivering form that was my love. He got up and followed them soundlessly and I managed to stagger away from them, towards the school.

I had to get out of this place. I would blame it on my lycanthropy but the truth was I needed to follow Sirius, see that he was ok, even if that meant him going to Azkaban and me trying to move on with my life until he escaped again.

I brought myself to Dumbledores office, a facade of normality encasing my shaky emotions. Before I even knocked he invited me in, serenely he sat behind his battered old desk.

"I know why you are here Remus. Don't try and fool my by telling me its because of your montly transformations."

"But Albus-"

"You forget I was your headmaster when you were here. I was not oblivious to yours and Sirius's relationship. You care for him still. I understand."

"The students and faculty, they can't know, blame it on the werewolf" Dumbledore nodded and I walked back to my study to pack my things, my shoes clicking dully on the stone floor.

A few students wished me a good evening and I merely nodded in their direction. Nothing was good about this evening.

Sirius was trapped up in a tower that I had no clue the whereabouts of. He was going to be kissed by a dementor. Those lips were mine, sworn to me.

They were going to take his last kiss. Again that belonged to me. I frantically flicked my wand, packing up my belongings. I didn't get very far and figured staying another night here wouldn't hurt. I curled up against an ancient huge bookcase and desparately tried to get some sleep.

After my transformation I was extremely tired. I would pay for this in the morning, I had tried not sleeping after a full moon before. It was much like a hangover, headaches, tiredness. General pain.

I groaned and buried my head in my knees. Such a childish position but I wanted to be a child now. Or at least a teenager, Sirius and I just being together. He had got over James, because of me and well the fact that James had moved on. But after that we were so happy. My changes were in control and the rest of the month was perfect.

As far as I could tell I stayed like that until dawn , but who knows, I was only semi concious and pretty sure I was dreaming.

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks."

Great now I'm dreaming about Shakespeare, like my bloody Romeo was coming for me.

"It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!"

Stop taunting me subconcoius mind! I am sick of this. Wake up you idiot.

" Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon"

And now this dream sounds like Sirius. Sirius, oh Sirius.

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;  
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.  
Now even I was Shakespearing now and it was not good, I had officially began my slow descent into madness.

"Who is already sick and pale with grief."

I'm the one who is bloody sick and pale with grief. I'm the one that got left behind. I'm the one who has to carry on.

"That thou her maid art far more fair than she." A breeze through the window played my hair and cooled the room down. It was the last straw. I wanted this room to be as stuffy and dark and suffocating as it could be. I wanted to die. My head snapped up and looked towards the window.

Sirius, there on the window, Sirius! He's alive and there and I'm tripping over myself. I rushed over to embrace him, harder and for longer than ever before. When I got to him however I just stood there, grinning at him like all my christmases had come at once.

He pulled himself through the window and just stood before me. "You're a fool, coming back here," I chided gently. He smiled reassuringly and took my hand in his "You're the idiot who fell in love with the fool."

I smiled faintly to myself, about how love didn't cover on millionth of how I felt towards him. "Yes...yes I am," I mumbled. Sirius leaned in and kissed me gently, one hand in my hair, the other on my cheek. I placed my hand onto his and deepened the kiss before pulling away and placing a steady stream of kisses on his pouting lips. I wanted to remember this, make it last. Make it carry me through the dark abyss when we were apart.

He brought us back together for a few needy seconds before I reluctantly pulled away, taking in his starved, yet shyly smiling face.

"Go, before they see you, and for God sakes don't get caught." I whispered, practically begging him "Siri...stay safe. If not for you, then for me."

We embraced quickly and then he clambered back out of the window. I sighed and returned to packing.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is back into a memory, about 6 months after the first memory.**

About 5 minutes before divination I was frantically searching for Sirius. Secretly, we'd been "going out" for 6 months. 6 glorious months. There were certain parts of his personality I disapproved of; when I found him, one of those traits was blatantly apparent.

He was sat on Severus Snapes back, a malicious gleam in his eye. I sighed "Pads, get off him." I called. If he was in detention we couldn't do what I wanted today. And I was not comprimising that. "Siri, please don't hunt him between lessons. We're going to be late."

He pouted, such an irresistable pout, I wanted to jump in him and kiss it until his lips bled. "But I was having so much fun." He whinged. I smiled as he clambered off Snape lithely, long limbs stretching him up to his full height.

I offered my hand to Severus who had rolled onto his back, and gone cherry red. I shrugged and pulled him up. Sirius sent a strained smile in Snape's direction and then jogged off to divination with me.

Just my bloody luck.

Peter had been taken to the hospital wing, so Severus slid into the empty space next to me. I rolled my eyes and shot a glance at Sirius, who had been paired with James since the beginning of the year. He shakily poured the tea that we were meant to read, I drank mine absently, dreaming of Sirius.

Mmm, how I would love to rip his clothes off and just-Severus interrupted my daydream by coughing and when no-one was looking I scrawled a note to Sirius "Outskirts of the forest, after class-Moony" I sent it under the tables, crashing into his knee. I carefully watched him pick it up and read it with a grin.

The batty old divination professor came over to me and Severus and I handed over my cup, completely impatient and displeased that I wasn't with Siri right now.

"An admirer will reveal you to those close to you." I rolled my eyes and Severus pushed his cup forwards. "Oh, the one you love shall be torn away by another,"

He blushed and the teacher moved on to Sirius and James. James's was read first "He will rise and thee will die, but not before the conqueror is born." I shrugged at James who had gone a shade paler, Sirius punched him lightly and then his cup was read.

"Oh, oh my, this is the grim, you will face the grim before you're time at Hogwarts is up." Sirius laughed as the prophecy was read out. We both knew the grim was pretty much based on Sirius. He'd made a pretty big impression when testing out his animagus.

Shortly after that the lesson ended and I rushed out, eager to meet Sirius. He was rushing after me, but I didn't slow down, not until I reached the forest. I got a little in and turned, realising swiftly how much Sirius had caught up, and was now pinned agaist a tree by him. I was panting heavily, but not becasue of the running.

Well, ok, partly because of the running.

His hot breath was fanning over my neck and I tilted my head back as Sirius kissed my neck.

"Mmm, Siri, I want it, and I want it now." I demanded; he pulled back and raised an eyebrow "Really?" I nodded eagerly and he kissed me ferociously in reply. About a minute later I stopped him, "Where?" I questioned, leaning up against his chest. He stroked my hair in thought.

"Well, do you wanna really make that shack shriek." A slow grin manoevered along my face as I took Sirius's hand and tugged him towards the Womping Willow.

Even in my rushed state I was able to freeze it for long enough to get inside. I barely had enough time to stand up before I was knocked to the floor again by a mass of the beautifull cultivated muscles of Sirius.

I heard a huge tearing and my back met with the cold wooden floor. I gasped like a girl and Sirius sniggered. I just about mentally noted the two or three separate pieces of my shirt around me. I began to unbutton Sirius's, kissing each newly bit of revealed chest I could. He moaned quietly and I grinned, I was doing my job right.

Siri pulled my face up to his and kissed me teasingly. I growled at him and grasped his neck. He pushed his body down onto me and I loved the way his weight felt. "I love you Siri," I murmured. A gasp and a thud made my head flick over to the gangly greasy haired cowering figure sporting a full erection.

What came next though was equally humiliating for me as this was for Snape. I shrieked. Like a girl. Like a girl on helium.

Sirius got up and helped me up, his warm hand encasing mine. I shivered, pulling my cloak around my bare chest. I hid partially behind Sirius who was laughing like a maniac.

"See something you like Snively?" He asked, buttoning his top up casually. "Well, it would be insane of you to have a crush on me, so i'm guessing it's your 'knight in a shining prefect badge' over here." I blushed and hit Sirius lightly on the arm. That was stupid. Snape, crushing on me.

No, it was impossible.

Don't kid yourself Remus, it's completely possible.

"So what if I did?" he said defensively. "Oooh, touched a nerve have I?" Sirius teased. "Well I'm sorry, but Remi is taken. Unless you would rather pick Snively over me?" Sirius had spun me into his side, an arm hugging the small of my back to his side, that malicious gleam had returned.

"No, but Siri, stop it." I begged, gripping his arm.

"No, I'm not done with this lowlife scum, he deserves to know his place in the food chain. Me, you, James, all other Gryffindors are at the top. The Ravenclaws, then Hufflepuffs, then normal Slytherins, then the creatures in the forbidden forest, then the plants, then the trees, then the dirt, and then snivelly little greasy haired rats who think they can score above their league. But I'm feeling kind today, I know you must not be getting any if you get turned on so easy, so if you want, you can watch. I'm sure Moony wouldn't mind, and well I have nothing to be ashamed of"

"Thats enough Sirius." I said sternly. Snape stole his chance to get away and ran. I turned back to Sirius and put my head on his shoulder. I leant up to kiss him and he kissed me distractedly. I pulled away and sighed, "Whats up?" I said, looking right into his eyes.

"Nothing kills the mood like Snape getting turned on by us getting it on." My eyes widened a little "You don't want to?" I accused, feeling hurt and rejected. I looked away ashamed and Sirius turned my chin with 2 fingers.

"It's not you, I just can't bear the thought of anyone but me with you. Especially him. He's hardly worthy. And well since this is your first time I don't want to be distracted, it's going to be hard enough as it is without Snivelly Snape creeping into my thoughts every so often." I kissed him gently and stroked back his dark locks.

"I'll wait," I whispered reassuringly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Back to the presentish, after both escaping/leaving Hogwarts they guys find themselves in Sirius's manor for a night before fleeing to France. Well Sirius fleeing, Remus just going along with it.**

I woke up at 8:00, I was going to surprise Sirius, make him breakfast, run him a bath and generally make him feel loved. He'd lived through 12 years of Azkaban, he needed loving.

After the bath was steadily running and toast was toasting I wandered back through to find him sprawled, half naked under the covers.

I went over and placed a warm tender kiss on his lips. "Morning darling, I'm making breakfast and running you a bath, so get up now or it will go cold." He groaned and rolled over.

I sighed, I was so used to this. Well me 12 years ago was. I strolled through to the kitchen, flicking the kettle on. I needed a cup of tea. I pushed up onto the old worktop and waited. Sirius wasn't coming down.

I jogged round to our room and sat cross legged on the bed beside the sleeping Sirius.

I combed his hair throrugh my fingers and split it into two sections, then splitting one of the sections into three, starting to plait it. I knew that was such a feminine thing to do, but I loved playing with his silky smooth hair and though he'd hate me for it later it was worth it.

"Siri, please wake up. Now, would be nice." No response. I plaited the other side of his hair and then turned off the taps in the bathroom, checking the water and smiling contentedly.

After another 30 minutes I got sick of it and filled a bucket with ice cold water. I lugged it upstairs and threw it over Sirius. He gasped but failed to wake up. I gritted my teeth together and threw the covers off him, grabbing his ankle and dragging him out of bed.

His head hit the floor with a loud thud. "What was that for I was asleep?" he whined.

I growled and turned around, glaring at him. "Get up you lazy oaf. I have cooked breakfast and run you a bath so go upstairs and bloody well get in it," He sleepily felt his hair and the shock on his face was so funny, I nearly cracked, but I was so pissed at him.

"My hair, REMUS WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR!" He yelled. I grinned "Now who's the feminine one?" I taunted. He fumed, I still had his ankle and was still dragging him out of the room. "Still you dumbass, you're the one that plaited it." I dropped him and walked off. Calming down and checking breakfast was still hot.

I heard a painfully high squeal "Is this some kind of joke it's freezing! You ran me a cold bath!" he accused. I walked upstairs to Sirius who was sat there on the edge of the bath, arms folded, frowning.

"It would have been warm had you got up on time." I said briskly, shoving him in "Enjoy" I said coldly, turning dramatically on the spot and storming off.

The next thing I knew I was in the lounge, sitting on a sofa and waiting for Sirius to come down.

When he did he wrapped his arms round my neck and kissed my ear, nibbling on it. He knew my weak spots, but I was incredibly irritated that he didn't appreciate my efforts.

I had got up early in the hope he would at least come down and realise the feast I'd laid out, and the bath I'd run.

But no. Sirius Black doesnt bloody well do that. I shoved him off me and stood up. "Did you go into the kitchen?" I asked boredly. He shrugged "Not hungry," he mumbled.

"YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, I WORKED MY ASS OFF THIS MORNING TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL AT HOME AND FEEL LOVED,BUT NO, ALL YOU DO IS WHINE." I tried to hit him but he caught my wrist. He'd always been faster and stronger than me.

He pinned me to the wall and completely broke down in front of me.

"LOOK AT YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM, THE MOONY I KNOW AND LOVE, WHERE IS HE? The Moony that loved me no matter what.. however selfish and idiotic I was...I just want...want him back...he's my world...my, my everything...please come back Moony."

He let go of me partially and his lips came crashing down onto mine. I moaned and squirmed a little beneath him, he was kissing me so hard it almost hurt. Tears leaked onto my face and melted into his. What if I had changed, what if I wasn't the same Remus he fell in love with, what if this was it, my last kiss with him.

The tears streamed harder and I held him closer to me. I don't know what came over me, I just got irritated by everything. I got my hands lost in his wet hair. His hands wove around my waist and pulled my body to his. A small whine escaped my throat.

"I love you Siri," I moaned straining against his imposing lips. They were overbearing, in a good way. He was always the controller in our relationship.

Not that I minded.

I was still crying. I pulled away from Sirius and rested my head on his shoulder. "Siri, I am so sorry I'm such a stresshead"

He laughed and stroked my cheek, "Thats ok, if you weren't you wouldn't be Remus Lupin."

"And if you weren't an utterly selfish arsehole you wouldn't be Sirius Black."


	6. Chapter 6

**Back to the past, for more of an emotional fry up. This is early summer holidays and the boys have gone home for the summer, but maybe things wont go as planned. Sun, sea and Sirius, or not?**

A whole day with Sirius. It had been perfect, just him, me and London. No James, no Peter and definitely no Snape. At about 5 we split and walked off home, euphoric from the days events.

I wandered into my house and was attacked by a flurry of activity. A newspaper was shoved in my face, with me and Sirius's sexuality on the front. I gasped and realised there was more than just my parents in this room.

Sirius's parents were there too, where was Sirius. Why wasn't he here? I needed support.

I read the article, it made our relationship seem like Sirius had forced himself upon me. My mum was hugging me, stroking my hair "Remi, what did he do to you, you can tell me, I wont judge you, if he hurt you, if he forced himself upon you, let me know." I shook my head.

Dad was talking with the Black's trying to reason this out. "He didn't force himself upon me! I love him. This, this is bullshit, we're in a relationship, If anything I started it."

My mum looked sick "Remus, what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with me. Its not a choice or a mistake, it's just love."

"Have you, "done things" with him?"

"Yes we have had sex."I said bluntly, conveying none of the passion or love behind it. She fainted and I sighed, stepping over her and over to my dad and the Blacks. They eyed me scornfully. "You corrupted our son, you half blood bastard." Mr Black's (Sirius didn't talk about them at all) hand met with my face with a painfully audiable slap. I yelped and and my neck snapped to the side, the force of the blow forcing me to the floor, where his foot met my stomach.

"Thats enough!" My dad bellowed, Mrs Black made no move to stop her husband beating me, and I could only hope that what they were doing to me, Sirius had not endured, I got up, clutching my stomach and with tears streaming down my face.

Sirius burst in "Moony, it's Snape, he forged a-" I bolted for him and lept into his arms, my place of security. I bit onto his shoulder to stop myself crying harder. The Black's and my dad appeared from the lounge and yet again the newspaper was shoved in our faces. "Whats this?" Mr Black bellowed. Sirius stretched up to his full height, still holding me to glare at his dad.

"What do you think it is?" Mr Black marched over and I stood slitghtly behind Sirius, my hand still in his.

"This my _son" _The word was dripping with sarcasm "is the destruction of the whole Black family's reputation, by your idiotic and completely stupid actions." Sirius laughed eerily, he was scary in a mood like this. As if to prove my point Sirius spat in his dads face. I'd never seen him so riled up.

He tore the newspaper from his fathers grip; "This my father" The word was laced with the same distaste and sarcasm as Mr Black had earlier used "is the work of a greasy haired twerp, believed by your idiotic mind." He tore the front page in half and revealed a headline story of a set of valuable wands that had been stolen.

Sirius's father grabbed him and shook him violently. "YOU THINK IT MATTERS THAT THE WORLD DOESNT KNOW-YOU'RE A DISGRACE, WE HEARD IT ALL FROM THAT FILTHY HALFBLOOD OVER THERE." Sobs racked my body in catastrophic tremors. "I'm sorry...I didn't know what else to do,"

He came over to me and held me against him "It's ok, Remi it's fine I understand. Everything will be fine. I promise." I lifted my head and looked into his sympathetic grey eyes, twinkling with love and pure emotion. He lifted his hand and swept my hair out of my face. I tilted my head back to meet his and opened my mouth slightly. I felt Siriu's hand delicately cup my face as we neared our kiss.

A curse I had hoped to never hear, let alone watch happen to the love of my life ripped through the room "Crucio!" Mr Black had screamed. The shock in my eyes was mirrored immediatly by Sirius's, who recoiled from me and fell to the floor. He screamed and I darted into action, kneeling by Sirius, stroking the hair out of his closed eyes. I locked my hand in his and begged him not to give up.

Not to give up on life, on me, on us. Tears clouded my vision but I was angry, not upset. He screamed again and he began convulsing violently, but he used this and pushed up onto my knees. I wrapped my arms around him and put my body over his. My mum evidently had woken up and began screaming at the Blacks.

"What are you doing? He's your son, can't you see this is hurting him? Does he mean nothing to you." Sirius went limp in my arms and I turned to face the Blacks, "If he is dead I swear I will end the Black family line with you." I snarled.

"What are you going to do, a weedy 5th year against two highly skilled wizards, you're pathetic." I inclined my head towards my dad and grinned maliciously. I felt so furious but so controlled, it was nice, this power coursing through me.

"Dad, tell them what I am, or at least what I become." My dad explained and they looked more distraught and furious than ever.

"DOES SIRIUS KNOW YOU'RE A HALF BLOOD AND A WEREWOLF? HE DOESN'T DOES HE?"

I smiled "He helps me every full moon, keeps me controlled, I guess with him dead well I won't have much control will I?"

Mrs Black let out a shrill laugh and her husband put his wand to my neck. I didn't care. I wanted Sirius to be well. I punched him with all the strength I had. He stumbled back but I wasnt that strong. A little blood dribbled down his chin and I grinned.

"Go to your room Remus, you are not to see him for the remainder of the summer." My dad snapped.

Siri stirred and I pretty much leapt on him, kissing him ferociously. His lips calmed mine down and soon the kiss was so sensual I forgot where we were. I moaned loudly and realised this was our last kiss of the summer.

I fought against the arms restraining me and trying to pull me back, the same applied for Sirius, his parents were fighting against his love for me too. Eventually we broke away and Sirius was dragged from my arms "Goodbye my love, until September,"

I smiled and ran up to my bedroom to watch him go.


	7. Chapter 7

**This is back to the "present" off to France for our dynamic duo. Enjoy! Many thanks to DragonMoonX for the constant and lovely reviews! This one's for you!**

After our huge arguement we managed to tear each other of the other for long enough to pack and sort out Sirius's disguise. I had combed back his hair and tied it up, then gave him glasses.

Strangely enough, he looked totally different. I grinned at my work and he laughed when he saw his reflection. "Remus-you-are-amazing!" He said, examining himself at all angles. I lugged the suitcases out into our car, that Sirius had rented, we had to look muggle enough.

I was panting by the time I walked, with all of our cases to the car on the other side of the road. Sirius turned, empty handed and laughed.

"You're such a fatty." He said, poking me in the stomch. "Fatty, fatty, fatster." I glared.

"I am not fat. I am unFIT" I snarled, dropping the cases in the boot. "And you should have carried some Paddy."

"Don't call me Paddy, It makes me sound like I live in a caravan." He said blankly. "Paddy, Paddy, Padster." I taunted. He had me up against the fance by the car ans started kissing me. It shut me up, and I managed to get into it, before glancing down at my watch and saw we were getting to become late for our flight.

I pushed Sirius off and got into the carr in a hurry. "Siri, get in or we're going to be late."

He got in with ease and looked at me "Moony, you need to calm down. We'll be fine" I sighed and shook my head at him.

I started the engine and sped off to the airport. Sirius was nervous, for the first time ever, he was nervous.

"What if they find me? Moons what if they work out its me and send me back to Azkaban? Oh, Moony what if they blame you? You wouldn't survive Azkaban," he mumbled. I stroked his scraped back hair "Siri, they wont know. You look so different to when I saw you after you'd escaped."

He sighed and looked out of the window. This was not the Sirius I knew, I put my hand on his and squeezed it a little, "It will be fine," I sadi frimly, though now I wasnt so sure. "We'll be fine." I repeated, though more to comfort myself this time.

But what if they did catch him, and let me go, could I live a life without him? Could I survive? I concentrated on driving and finding where to return this stupid car to. I eventually found the signpost pointing me to some car rental place and then got there within 2 minutes.

Sirius got out one side and took half of our luggage. I grabbed the other half and looked quizzically at him. "Well, I didn't want everyone to see what a fatty I'm dating, so I figured you would look less fat if I took half."

"I am not fat, Siri you call me fat once more and you are Paddy for the rest of the month. And it wont be just me calling you Paddy it will be everyone."

"Fine." He grumbled strutting ahead of me. I jogged and matched my pace to his. "And stop strutting, you look gay."

"In case it's slipped your notice I am gay." He said, turning and kissing me briefly, proving his point. I shook my head smiling gently at him.

He was so nervous, so much like a child. I just wated to hug him, take him home and just keep him safe. I slipped my hand into his and he smiled over at him.

I loved him so much, and this was a vulnerable side I had never seen of him. We checked in and sat in the terminal, waiting. Siri put his arma round me and I rested against his side.

"Siri, we've got this far, and no-one is any the wiser, we will be fine."

He sighed and stroked my arm "I know, I'm more worried for you, I'm a liability, Rems, I can't believe I let you talk me into taking you with me. "

"I would not have let you leave without me. Sirius, I just got you back I am not going to let you leave by yourself again. Simple as that, you and me, we're in this for the long-haul. And I dont caare if by the end of this you want to kill me because I am not leaving your side ever. So please, just don't blame yourself, I brought whatever happnens to us on myself."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You are so funny when you go on your tirades like that." I just glared at him.

"Shut up, Paddy."

"Dont call me that." He said cooly. I grinned, now I knew how to wind him up.

"If you stop calling me funny when I am being sensetive yes I will not call you that."

"Now we both know thats just not going to happen."

"Whatever you say Paddy."


	8. Chapter 8

**Back in the past, with our first lovers tiff...enjoy, I will enjoy writing it!**

_"Remus, we need to talk, about James." were Lilly's words as I opened the door to her distraught face._

_"What, Lilly come in," I said, concerned for my best friends well being. She hugged me and in shock I hugged her, I hadn't seen her all summer, and now she was practicaly flinging herself at me. "Lilly, what did he do?" She sat down on the sofa and sighed "Him and Sirius kissed."she said plainly. _

_I gasped and leant into the back of the sofa. Then the anger hit. Fury like I'd never felt coursed through me. I was a placeholder. A meaningless substitute. My hands balled into fists and a lone tear streaked my cheek._

_"I hate Sirius Black. I hate that bastard." I spat. Lilly eyed me suspiciously then something clicked in her head. "Oh, _Oh_, oh my god, you and Sirius are a couple__" I nodded and blushed. She smiled kindly, as she always did "It's nothing to be ashamed of."_

That was 3 days ago, now I was sat across from the man I regrettably still loved. With nothing to communicate with but glares that could kill. I turned to Lilly and whispered "Can you please hex his ass, I am so sick of him looking at me like he doesn't know whats up."

She smiled and giggled, and I knew it was driving Sirius mad. I also knew how he felt towards Lilly, so was whispering to her all throughout the trip.

When we arrived in the Great Hall, after the sorting had been done I felt a warm pressure on my fist, that was resting on the table. I could see through my preipheral vision that his eyes were begging with me to forgive him. I just couldn't, not yet; I felt like second place to James. Again.

"Moony, are you ok?" He asked, like he didn't know. I wanted to take his face and scream "DO I LOOK OK?" But no, my quiet nature got the better of me. "I'm fine." I mumbled, letting the malice in my heart seep into my voice. I tried snatching my hand away, but he

"You're not, we can't do anything unless you talk to me." he pleaded.

Lilly lept to my rescue "If he says he's fine he's fine." She snapped, her intolerance for Sirius flaring up.

"Keep your nose out of this, Evans. This sin't your business" Sirius snapped, good I was getting to him.

"It is so my business, you snogged my boyfriend." James went pink, and Peter gawped with a mouth full of chicken. Sirius rolled his head toward James "Muzzle your bitch."

Peter gawped more, and the whole group turned to look at us. No-one called Lilly Evans a bitch and lived. "Now if you wouldnt mind, I'm having a private conversation, butt out" My hand snapped out and slapped him, so hard it stung my hand.

The crack of flesh on flesh sent everyone staring in our direction. "STOP ACTING BETTER THAN EVERYONE, YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR PARENTS." I yelled, but I instantly regretted it. Sirius hated his parents and I guess I cut him deep.

That didn't supress the rage in my eyes or in my body. He shoved his food away and turned to the teachers table. "Dumbledore Give me a plate of your finest Death please, well done, if you would be so kind." His casual reference to death eaters shocked the whole room.

I got up and stormed out, but not fast enough to escape his last comment. "And Snively, he's all yours." I ran, to the common room and collapsed onto the sofa. I felt a dainty hand place itself gently on my shoulder and I shied away.

"Lilly, I've lost him, he won't take me back." She hugged me, "You're in the right, he's the one who did it, not you. He doesn't deserve you." I shook my head.

"Who's going to want a gay werewolf. It took me long enough to get him. How long will it take me to find someone else." She rubbed my back and assured me it'd be fine.

A cluster of people barged into my tranquil atmosphere and at once Lilly snapped into action, defending me like a lioness defends her cubs. All the muttering crowds dissapeared, but it didn't help.

All of the words they were muttering "Could you believe he was gay?"

"Nah, I mean I could understand him, but Sirius"

"What a waste, Sirius is just so fit."

"That Remus just got lucky, he won't find another boyfriend like that again." I didn't have the energy to cry anymore, and Sirius had claimed his ground as the dorm, so I curled onto the sofa in front of the soothingly flickering fire.

I was awoken from my deep, yet troubled sleep by a strong beam of moonlight striking through the window. I flinched, moonlight that strong meant only one thing. Changing. I shuddered and then felt a set of warm lips on my head.

"I love you Rems, I am so sorry I'm such an idiot." Sirius whispered, looping one arm under my knees and one around my back. He lifted me and I semi-concoiusly wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you too Siri." I burbled half conciously. He sighed and higged me gently closer, before laying me onto my bed. He wrapped the heavy covers around me and then his warmth disappeared. "I really do love you too Siri," I whispered, to myself but out loud a little bit.

Thank God he thought I was still asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**On the plane, having a meaningful conversation, and meeting an old friend! Enjoy!**

I sat, in to too upright, too hard chair of economy class, with Sirius sat tensley beside me as I drew mindless yet comforting circles on his hand with my fingers.

Annoyingly, a red light above us pinged, instructing us to put on our seatbelts. I did so and Sirius followed suit, then returning to his abnormally stiff position.

He was always so relaxed and uncaring, not in a bad way. Like the sortof uncaring someone is when they just get on a random train that takes them anywhere. The type that would call that an adventure.

I however, was his perfect opposite, always organised, coming up with worst case scenarios and preparing for them. I was the moon to his sun, they couldn't survive without each other, but they were totally different.

Here he was, dark hair, grey eyes and here I was, blonde hair blue eyes. I glanced over at him and smiled gently. My Sirius was fragile at the moment, and for once I had to be the rock.

The strong one, the one that would take whatever he threw at me and keep comforting him whatever he was nervous or upset about. Like he had done for me so many times before.

But he had to let people in sometimes, like people I knew he could grow to like. Like Harry. He could have likesd Lily too, but he never gave her a chance. Well I wasn't going to let him treat Harry how he treated Lily. No way.

I gently prodded his slightly muscled arm and he glanced over, slightly distracted. "Yeah, whats up Moons?"

I sucked in a deep breath and took both his hands in mine "Siri, I think you should be a bit nicer to Harry. I mean he is your godson and you're all he's got left" Sirius nodded half heartedly and I carried on. "And just think, we could have him back at your house for the holidays. I know he hates it at the Dursleys and well, we could be like a real family."

"Oh yeah, a young boy, being hunted by Voldemort and he's living with the man who killed his parents and werewolf. Nice story for the Prophet don't you think?"

"Thanks Siri, thanks for bringing that into it." I said, turning and curling away from him. A tear rolled down my face and I brushed it away briskly. Sirius put a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"You know I don't see you like that," He whispered. "It's just, have you ever seen me as the maternal type?"

"Have you ever thought about anyone but yourself?" I snarled coldly. I did particularly like Harry, he was intelligent and he'd been through a lot, the least we could offer him was a little bit of stability.

"Moons...Moony...Remus, please listen, I just don't want to turn out like my parents, malicious and stuck in the old ways. It's just not what I want for him."

"So you'll leave him with the Dursleys, he's miserable there Siri, as his only surviving relative-ish you have a responsibility. Please, Siri, do it for me, for us."

"I didn't ask to be his Godfather, but alright, fine I'll be nice."

"Thats all I wanted to hear" I said quietly, turning into Sirius side and settling there, He brought two fingers gently under my chin and lifted my face up to meet his gently pouting lips. So desparate I was for his touch, I made a supressed whimpering noise.

I hadn't been deprived of him lately, actually completely the opposite, but still, whenever we kissed like this it took me back to our first kiss and when we were teenagers.

Teenage love, is there anything more beautiful? I went back there in my head, Sirius me, young. So much ahead of us.

The tongue of my lover pressing against my lips awoke me and we kissed for a little longer before I pulled away, looking disheveled and guilty. Sirus stroked my blushing cheeks and smiled.

"Anything for you Moony." He assured, holding my hand in a simple yet effective gesture of showing our mutual love. The sunset poured in through the oval window and cast the whole plane in a pinky orange light.

His dark hair was ablaze with auburn higlights, accented in the red light, symbolic of the death of the day.

"He's not so bad, as far as teenagers go. You were terrible at that age" I said, shooting a lopsided grin in his direction. We both know, despite me being a prefect I encouraged him more that anything, especially where him and I were concerned.

We were told by an air hostess; who up until me and Sirius's passionate miniscule make out session, was eyeing Sirius up, and flirting. I was kinda possessive, so got a bit rude with her. Sirius was sniggering at me, I was apparently funny when trying to be rude. Anyway, we were told we were landing, which after the mini tirade about the air hostess in my head we had pretty much landed.

When getting out of the plane; in complete and scary syncronisation me and Sirius's heads snapped up locking on something I instantly regretted not killing.

Peter Pettigrew was standing, clear as crystal, in the terminal. Smiling a face splitting smile and waving innocently at us. Sirius's hand slipped into his jacket faster that lightning and I grabbed out just as fast, two words blurring from my lips.

"Muggle airport." I whispered. He removed his hand and gripped mine with it, as Peter carried on waving. I glared at him with all the hatred I held in the world. He had framed the love of my life, killed one of my best friends and of one thing I was certain.

He was going to pay.

**Hey dudes and dudettes, we have one faithful reviewer at the moment (you know who you are!) and one who I personally know and pestered to review. Plainly put, we would like a few more. I'm not asking for miracles, just a few sentences, even criticism. I will take it. Love always**

**Moony!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Potions Class! And even though it feels so wrong without the beautiful drawl of Snape to accompany it, it had to be done, enjoy!**

I sat amongst a bustling crowd of my judgemental peers with only one of them talking to me. Lily. James was seated by her, with his arm around her, they'd made up then. The minute Sirius walked into the hall lily's eyes turned glacial and bore holes into various parts of his head.

James scurried off and I flung myself into animated conversation with Lily, trying to show Sirius that I couldn't care less what he did or thought of me, because I had moved on. Potions first I thought with a supressed groan, my potions partner, as always was Sirius, and I was not looking forward to it.

About 5 minutes before the lesson was about to start I stalked down into the dungeons, taking my seat and waiting for the rest of the rabble to file in. Sirius was one of the last and the whole class drew in a simultaneous gasp when he placed himself next to me.

I wasn't going to sink to his abismal level and be rude to him, so I was polite but blunt. I was the one to get up and get our cauldron of polyjuice potion, and I was the one who stupidly let his hand fall beside him in an all too tempting manner.

But then again I did miss Sirius.

So when his normally commanding touch was felt on my palm I didn't flinch; but squeezed his hand lightly, although he probably wouldn't be able to feel it. My eyes flicked up to his saddened grey ones and I smiled sympathetically.

He leaned in towards me, his sweet breath blocking out the vile polyjuice potion, and the odour rising from it. "So you love me when you're concious too?" I felt my eyes widen and the memories of last night flow back in harsh tides.

I blushed. Redder than Lily's hair.

"I but-How did yo-what makes you-just-" I groaned and stared at a crack on the floor, hoping it would oppen up and swallow me whole.

"So you were awake." He deduced smugly, folding his arms.

"Yes I was." I admitted quietly to the floor. "So can you please become the beautiful, wonderful boyfriend I love and miss so much again?" I grinned to myself, Sirius was grovelling. A rare treat.

"But Lily is still angry and she's been such a good friend and..."

"If she was such a good friend she'd want you to be happy." He stated.

I jumped out of my skin when the teacher dropped a large pile of books on his desk.

"I am not having months of work wasted by you lot not concentrating" he pretty much bellowed.

Sirius split the mixture between two glasses and I grabbed onto his hair and pulled, until a few strands came loose. He yelped and I grinned "You owe me" I whispered smugly, running my hand through my hair, extracting a few already loose strands. I saved Sirius the hassle and dropped them into the grey gloopy liquid.

I dropped Sirius's into mine and downed it, gagging and fighting against my protesting stomach.

It started at my stomach and stretched outwards, doubling my normal weight. Sirius's slabs of muscle were ten times as heavy as my slight form. I put my head on my arms on the table and sighed. "Siri, you're bloody heavy, I hope you know that."

He laughed and shook my hair into my face, but my face on his body. "And you wonder why I am always on top?" Well not now I didn't. I lit up from the inside and sat up.

" I am so taking advantage of this opportunity." Sirius didn't seem fazed, "This will only last half an hour, and sex in class is prohibited." I leant up to his full height and smirked, smirks suited Sirius's face. I knew that through years of gazing at him.

"It will happen, and you will be sorry." I said menacingly, he shook his head and I smiled kindly.

"You're an amazing person Rems."

"Is that to me or you?" He leant over to kiss me but when I realised that we were in a crowded classroom, and we were supposed to hate each other right now I pulled away before we could make contact. I glanced around hurriedly and realised everyone was changing back.

"Sirius, if we do not change back right now we are going to fail this class, I cannot afford to fail, when the professor turns around we switch right?" I hissed. He nodded once and our opportunity arose.

For a split second he was sat on my lap, on the chair in between our two's. I tried so hard not to groan but I think Sirius heard anyway. He chuckled and slid into what was previously my seat, and shockingly no-one was the wiser.

The professor dismissed the class and Lily came up to Sirius, thinking he was me. I grinned and almost laughed. "You ok Rems, you look like you got a spring in your step, you didn't forgive him did you?" Sirius stopped and turned.

"yes I did forgive him because I love him, and you can tell your boyfriend that we're gonna be pretty busy in the dorm, unless he has seriously, and Imean very seriously effective ear defenders maybe he sould sleep in the common room."

"Rems I love you to bits but I don't wanna know." He grinned and strutted off ahead, to Care of Magical Creatures. I jogged after him, with my newly muscled legs.

If it weren't entirely wierd I would have liked being Sirius.

Halfway through a lecture on Hippogriffs I felt my weight melting off me and glanced over at Sirius. He was getting braoder and his hair was darkening. After another 30 seconds I was disappointingly myself again.

Sirius saw my pout and leant to my ear. "If you want-" He paused and looked around "You can top tonight"

I grinned "hell yes" I whispered, a new smirk refusing to vacate my lips.

**Please Review it will be fablous if you do so, please!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Back to the present, with a certain amount of hunting going on, manhunting, househunting...as ever give us your thoughts!**

I whined and caressed Sirius's hand desparately, wanting him to reconsider. I pleaded with him the only way I knew how, with my eyes. I flicked mine up to his and made them as watery as I could, like I was about to cry. I wasn't but it would help my negociations.

He sighed and shot a pain-filled look at me, "Sirius, please, I want to come with you. I can't just let you go ou there all alone,"

"Remus, look at this building." He gestured to the airport next to us, "Now, this building is made to let planes in and out right?" I nodded, not getting his point "Now, what if one of those planes crashed into it, it wouldn't withstand the blow would it. Remus you're like this building, and I don't know what finding Peter will unravel, if all that horror came crashing down on you, you might not survive and you definitely wouldn't be the Remus Lupin I love"

He kissed my forehead for a few seconds too long.

"What if he attacks you and you're left all bleeding and dying and I don't know and I'm just left here not knowing. Siri, you're not strong enough to withstand that alone either"

"Moony, are we thinking of the same lowlife talentless scum? He wont be able to get anywhere near me. Stop worrying, please, it doesn't suit you." He said quietly. I smiled sadly and shook my head.

"Fine, but I need your money." I said pouting. He rolled his eyes and handed me the bottomless wallet, now producing Muggle money, to buy us accomodation with. The money would only run out when the Black family bank supply did, and that would be never.

I turned away from him abruptly and began to walk off, defeated. I heard footsteps behind me and then was spun, pressed to Sirius's body and kissed manically. I sighed as he began to kiss more and more parts of my flesh, my neck and anywhere else he could reach.

"It doesn't need to be anything special, just something for now." He practically growled into my neck. As he pulled away I felt slight pressure on our clasped hands. A flower had appeared there, strange I never knew Sirius was quite so good at wordless magic. Then again he wasn't thick. "You're a hopeless romantic." I whispered, pressing the delicate lupin to my face.

I grinned "Happy hunting," I mumbled, in decidedly better spirits. I had confidence in Sirius and even as we went our separate ways, feeling the weight of the muggle phone in my pocket I trudged away from the love of my life.

I managed to locate a decent enough estate agents and sorted out 4 veiwings of various flats in the area to rent and buy. I knew normally these things take ages to sort out but I had money, and lots of it, so I could afford to hurry things along a lot.

I wandered into the first flat from the car we'd rented and immediatly disliked it, knowing Sirius would too, it was too old fashioned. Too much like Grimmauld place. Sirius would hate it.

I politely turned that one down, yet the next one looked more promising, it was light and airy and was up for rent. That was good, we could move in sooner. Like today, it wouldn't be impossible, just highly unlikely.

I did go and look at the other two, but none of them were really what we were looking for, not like the second one. I made a decision on that and went to see the owner, to ry and negociate a move in asap.

"Well, you can move in whenever, do you have the first months rent?" He had said, a slender, businessy looking man, with iron grey hair and harsh feaures.

I produced the money; "Would today be ok?" He nodded

"It's hardly furnished." He stated, bored of our conversation. I had very little time for people like that. I smiled without humour "I can deal with that." I said simply, turning and beginning to leave.

He shrugged and went back to whatever he was doing. I then found myself getting utterly lost and wandering around various furniture shops, randomly and subtly dispapparating and apparating, getting stuff to our flat. Wardrobes, sofas, everythig we needed. Especially a beautiful king sized bed that we would have to test out the springs of later.

However, I knew Sirius wouldn't be back today, and probably not tomorrow, so I would have to wait for him. I apparated myself back to the flat to find all of the things I'd bought in one huge pile.

I groaned and brought out my wand. This was going to be so much work, and Sirius, being himself wouldn't even notice my hard work.

Sighing I raised my wand and manovered the precariously balanced dresser off of the top of the pile, flicking it into the bedroom.

Various other objects had been deposited by the time I got to the king sized bed at the bottom. And that was a task.

It was way too big to get through the door so I had to effectively shrink it, move it then enlarge it.

As soon as I had I slumped onto the sofa, cream leather and it had a corner, for me to curl up in.

Right now I was curled up there, waiting. Bored, alone and waiting.

It was 2 days until Sirius came back. Without Peter, but with a few cuts and bruises. I gasped and flew at him.

"Siri, are you ok? You look hurt, oh, honey, come here." I gave him a huge hug and he just went and sat down. "Rems, I chased his scent all the way to across France. I am absolutely shattered,"

I sighed and started cooking, steak. "I like the flat Moons," He mumbled. I smiled, he did notice, even if it was just to get on my good side.

He should realise that even if I did have a bad side, he would never be on it. "Thanks." I beamed, poking the meat before walking over and kissing his neck. "So you didn't find him?"

"No, he's disappeared, I gave up aftera while and then just started to come back." He sighed.

I could sense he didn't want to talk about it so I kissed his cheek, hugged him from behind and resumed cooking.


	12. Chapter 12

**Back to the past and it's Sirius's turn to make it up to Remus, don't get too excited, this is a T...Enjoy and Review!**

The smell of Sirius still lingered in our vacated dorm, Peter and James had taken Sirius's advice then. Carefully, a delicate hand stroked over my anatomy, eliciting occasional shivers and gentle, groggy groans from me. Eventually, I had to look at his beautiful face, to give my eyes the treat they had been deprived of for several hours. I laced my fingers with his and opened my eyes slowly. I rolled to face him; drinking in every millimetre of his face. From his tangled mess of chocolate locks, to his perfectly square jawline.

I smiled "Oh good, it's you, I thought I was going to be raped this morning." Sirius laughed and stroked my what I can imagine, pink cheeks. "Thats because you were." He stated, kissing my forehead, which at this present time was masked by my unruly and untamable golden hair.

"Oh, honey, it would just be surprise sex." I whispered, longing ot kiss him senseless, like I had last night. I twisted my hands through his hair and twirled it around my hands, spun silk gliding through my fingers. He leant in and kissed me, bringing our naked bodies closer together.

This was heaven, and if I died right now, I would die happy. At the point where I was sure I would pass out if I didn't breath now my body made me pull away from his warm, tender lips. As I slowly pulled up for air I felt his body twitch beside me. He was never this energetic in the mornings.

"Whats this Siri, you're so excited this morning."

"I'm just preparing to spring some surprise sex on you Rems" His hand, which was at the small of my back, and threatening to descend, pulled us even closer, if that was humanly possible. I snuggled my head into the crook of his neck and he sniggered as my hair tickled him.

"There's a flaw in your plan...it's not much of a suprise anymore." I murmured into his collarbone, nipping it slightly.

I was awoken from my lovesick trance by two sets of heavy footsteps. Great James and Peter, walking in, with mine and Sirius's legs pretty much undistinguishable (from the way they were tangled) under the heavy scarlett covers. "We're going to miss breakfast if you two don't stop it now."

I noticed what James was wearing. A vest and shorts that were 5 years too small. I grunted in distaste and gripped so hard on Sirius's shoulder I felt myself leave marks there. "Siri, you get hard over that, not only will I feel it but I will rip your dick off with my bare hands." I whispered.

Sirius lifted my chin and kissed me chastely. I knew he was still a little worried about people judging him. I wasn't, people had judged me my whole life, but he wasn't used to it, so PDA's were usually small.

"I wouldn't dare." He growled, pulling away to trail his tongue over my neck and jaw. "But you're angry face might just do it."

Prongs and Wormtail gagged and I rolled my eyes. "Please dont make me feel sick before breakfast, I've got to keep my strength up for practice later."

"Isnt it obvious, you're interrupting." Sirius all but snarled sitting bolt upright and wincing. I almost winced with him. I knew what it was like after our first time. "Your girlfriend makes me sick all the time, so you have nothing to complain about."

James lobbed a bundle of uniform at us both, hitting me square in the face. "You two get dressed, we're about to go." Wormtail stated before scurrying off.

After slowly pulling on our robes we wandered, subtly hand in hand to the Great Hall, pitying the pained look on Sirius's face when he realised wuite abruptly the benches were wooden and hard. I did snigger slightly. But to make him feel better I did give him a quick kiss, much to Peters dismay (God who knew he was such a homophobe). And then we hurried on to our lessons. I was in a stunningly cheery mood. Until in Divination I managed to glance at the ever present lunar calendar on the wall. My mood sank like the Titanic.

Sirius, unsurprisingly was the one to pick up on my mood and rubbed my shoulders, putting a careful arm around them "Rems, whats up?" he whispered in my ear, kissing my neck anxiously. I shrugged and brushed him off.

"Oh no it was last night wasn't it, I did something wrong, Rems I'm sorry."

"It's not you." I said bluntly, shrugging his arm off and hurrying to the next lesson.

Sirius kept pressing me for answers, and constantly stroked my hair nervously, or squeezed my hand. I couldn't meet his worried and darkened grey eyes. They always went darker when he was worried. I knew if I did he would just ask me more questions that I didn't want to answer.

Last lesson finished entirely unspectacularly and I knew that it was going to get dark soon. As terrified and alone as I was I trudged across the grounds and to the shrieking shack. Somehow, something in my gut told me this would be a bad one. But what was I supposed to do about it?

I paced the shack, knowing the change would come soon enough.

I wasn't wrong. But where were Sirius and James, they were normally here by now. To help control me, I was alone and out of control. Like I'd thought, this was bad.

It was as painful and slow as ever, and I gritted my teeth. I was determined not to cry out, not to let it know it was getting the better of me. But it always got the better of me. The shriek that tore through my changing chest was half human and half feral.

The urge to infect others with this disease was overwhelming and I had no choice. I bit and tore at my own flesh, which began bleeding uncontrollably. It didn't satisfy the need to spread this curse but the pain helped mask it momentarily.

I howled in pain and ran crazily around the shack, trying to get out, still tearing myself apart. The moon was at its peak by the time Sirius arrived. I was human, and half unconcious, curled in the corner in a pool of my own blood. Shivering against the cold of the night. Sirius gasped and froze.

"Moony, what happened to you? I should have come sooner, I'm so sorry." Sirius cried. It was then I lost every bodily function and drifted into comfortable unconciousness.


	13. Chapter 13

**_Present again, read and enjoy_**

_Remus, I guess you're not there. Figures, but if you are there, and listening well firstly, I love you. I love you more than I hate this place, and I am missing you so much. Remus I miss your soft touch and my hand in your hair. I miss your energy in the morning and your smile when you see me. I long so much to see you for just a few minutes, if I have to spend forever in this place. Just one more night in your arms. That would be sufficient to keep me alive. Its terrible in here, no food, nothing at all. The memory of you and I is the only thing sustaining my existance. Remus, you are the only thing keeping me alive. I hope one day to see you again but I am doubtful that that will happen and if I do I might not be able to let you go. I don't know why life has given me this hand, maybe its because you and I are a sin in most, if not all faiths. I don't care though. Those teenage nights we spent together, I would spend 1000 years in Azkaban to keep them safe in my memory. My only regret is that we did not have more together. I am disappointed we didn't get to have a conversation today, I saved 3 months worth of letters to get this, but hearing your voice on the answer phone has not only brought back to me so many of our good times but also the sweet memory of your face, the contours and planes of your body. Your spun gold hair, you're caribbean sea blue eyes. Your shyly alluring smile. So much of what I miss about the outside world resides within the heart of you Remus. The other portion of things I miss are your physical appearance. _

He pauses and takes a deep steadying breath.

_I love you Remus, and if I find you hated me because of the lie Peter has woven I might not survive another minute. (_He sniffed audiably)._ Anyway, if you're not there I feel useless standing here talking to thin air. I fear the next time I see you will be in death, but I pray this isn't true, for anyone who smites the beautiful face that belongs to the heart of Remus Lupin has committed the highest sin. _

Then, right that second my hand flew out to clutch the reciever, quivering, to my tearstained face. I dull tone echoed in my head and I bawled down the phone to a disconnected line.

* * *

That was the phone message that changed my life, I went from hating Sirius for taking everything I loved in my life away to aching because I missed him too much. That phone message destroyed everything. I vowed to not ever fall for Sirius again, but here I was hopelessly in love and so happy. Wandering away from the house to go get some food for us. I knew it off by heart, I had listened to it so much, just to hear his voice, to hear his voice when I could do nothing else to be close to him. Tears began to shove their way onto my face but I made sure they never completed their journey.

I had Sirius now and thats all that mattered.

I had a feeling something was wrong, very wrong. So as I apparated back into the house and started putting the copious amounts of shopping away I poured myself and Sirius two glasses of rosé wine. I took a large gulp and set off to look for Sirius, not difficult, this was a flat. He obviously wasn't in the lounge, and I had just come from the kitchen. I strolled over to the bedroom door and froze. The tape of Sirius's phone call was thrown on the bed and Sirius was bringing the player over.

The rosé crashed onto the wooden floor with a sharp noise that barely made me flinch. My shoes were swimming in it and Sirius looked up, looking scared. I was panicking, how much had he read? Did he think I resented him still?

"Sirius...Why would you...please dont say it is...what I think it is..."

He just stared - and stared. I pretty much flew at the bed, to grab the casette from his reach. I would not live down the whole entireity of the tape crying, once Sirius had hung up. Once I had obtained the small, worn device I turned back to Sirius.

"You don't need to hear that, put that back now." I didn't put any emotions into my voice for fear of breaking apart. And suddenly I was pinned to the bed by Sirius. He was so angry, I was actually scared, even though I was taller than him he was more muscular and definitely had the upper hand right now.

"Why should I? Dont you think I know what it is? What it says?" He bellowed, I decided to fight back, I flipped him under me "That is not the point! It's my property, I can do with it what I like, besides, it's barely audible anymore, there's no reason for you to want to-"

He went limp beneath me and I knew he'd got the wrong end of the stick. "So...you hated me...that much...that you'd deface my voice." He closed his eyes and shoved me off him. I was speechless. He thought I would-I shook my head "I'm sorry, I never should-never should have" He was at a loss, and I was devastated, waiting to hear his sentence end. After a few long and silent moments spent staring at each other, waiting to recover from this blow in Sirius's arms, or him in mine, I just needed to hold him. Like we used to in the old days, like when we were young. Instead of my perfect scenario he turned towards the door.

"I never should have fallen for you Moony." He muttered, loud enough for me to hear. My reflexes kicked in and I went after him. "Siri, wait." I begged, wanting to fall to my knees and encase myself in a cocoon of despair. He stopped but didn't turn. I had about 10 seconds before he would carry on leaving me.

"Siri, Padfoot, listen. I didn't deface it. I, I, I wore it out. I couldn't bear it. You being away from me..." He stayed there and I pressed my head to the gap between his tense shoulder blades.

"I'm sorry"


	14. Chapter 14

**The morning after Remus's change, back in the past, happy reading!**

I woke up, half naked pressed to Sirius's chest. "Sirius, what, what happened, ah shit that hurts" I hissed as he jogged up the stairs, carrying me. It look as though he had been crying a lot. "Sirius, what's wrong." I touched his face gently with my fingertips.

"You, I forgot I'm so sorry Rems, I know you probably don't even want me near you, I suck as a boyfriend. I can't believe I forgot."

"Siri, where are we going?" I said weakly, feeling drained from the night before. "The prefects bathroom, we really need to get you cleaned up." He mumbled, staring straight ahead.

It was only then I realised that one side of my body was caked in blood, dried blood. It was matted into my hair and crisping off my arms and side. With this realisation I became hyper aware of my scarring. My shoulder had two deep gashes reaching from my shoulder blade to my stomach. And that was just the first one I notcied. There was hardly a square centimetre of my body that wasn't scarred. Tears began to run into the one scar that was on my face, that broke my skin all the way to my neck. It stung, but then again all my body did.

It was early in the morning, so early no-one was up. We walked straight into the prefects bathroom, and Sirius assured me Dumbledore had said to him if he could come in here to help me get cleaned up, in a totally innocent way of course. Sirius placed me gently on the marble and I sstupidly turned to look in the mirror.

My broken uneven skin brought more tears to my eyes, but the one thing that had me bawling my eyes out was my face. I wasn't normally a vain person but this, this was terrible. I had a deep, fresh scar from my right eye to my right shoulder. It carved through my normally smooth face like a river carves through earth. And to rub salt in the wounds Sirius sat down next to me. Shirt off, chiseled and perfect. I shook my head and Sirius began to see what was wrong. His mouth dropped open "Oh, no, Remus, don't think that" As if he was answering my psychic cry of 'I'm ugly, I don't deserve you'

"Rems, you're beautiful, no matter what that thing does to you every month," I turned away from him slowly, feeling the ache in my joints. "That thing is me, Siri, thats me." He pressed his chest to my back and wrapped his arms around me "Remus that isn't you, you are the exquisite, dainty angel I have here, that, that is not you."

"Sirius, don't kid yourself, I'm a monster, you're lucky you caught the end of it. If I can do this to myself, imagine what I can do to you." He hugged me as tightly as he could without hurting me. "Rems, pleaes don't do this to us, I love you, do you not understand that?"

"I do, I really do, but look at me, I'm ugly, and you're so-" He supported my neck so I wouldn't fall and sent his lips to silence mine. After effectively silencing my protests he moved over to kiss the scar on my face. I winced with the pressure but I was so glad to have him close I didn't care.

"Remus, we really need to get you cleaned up." Sirius said, taking me over to the bathtub. "Get in" He said, gesturing to the mountains of bubbles bewitched ot appear whenever someone walked in.

I peeled off the shredded remains of my trousers and stepped into the immense foam, Sirius followed, not utterly naked and accio-ed a sponge to clean the blood off. My own blood off.

The water stung my cuts like the water was cursed with jellyfish, but I knew I had to endure it. "You lost a lot of blood, I had to use all sorts of charms and spells to stop it. It wasn't easy."

"Oh, Sirius, you're my hero." I said mockingly. He lobbed a handful of foam at me. I laughed and swam to the other side of the bath. "Don't run away from me Moons, I'll just find you again." He teased.

"I like the sound of that game," I said before dunking myself underwater and flicking my wet hair out of my face when I surfaced, knowing full well that it would send an army of droplets to land on Sirius's pale form. Then I submerged myself and swam silently over to Sirius, popping up right before his face.

"You're hair's still all bloody, let me get it. He combed his fingers through my hair and got the traces of blood out. "I was so scared you'd lost too much, for a minute I thought I'd lost you, I almost lost myself, just thinking about life without you." I smiled sadly and stroked his cheek, stroking away a stray tear that preceded thousands.

He sank into my shoulder, but I had no clue how to comfort him, telling him it could never happen. that was a lie, if he hadn't come tonight I would be dead. Tell him I would never leave him, I might have to, there are circumstances none of us can control. I just settled for hugging him close and stroking his hair. His tears ran off my shoulder, into the bathwater below.

"Sirius I- I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't found me tonight. I hate to say it but I would be dead."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

A few tense moments passed after the apology that had exploded silently throughout the flat. Sirius's hand snuck silently into mine and at once I knew I was forgiven, I relaxed and felt more tears trickle down my face with the relief. 'This won't be the last time he does this' some part of me warned. "I don't care" I growled quietly to myself. Sirius didn't hear and moved my hand around to his stomach, as my head rested on his shoulder. I ran my other hand around his stomach and hugged him from behind. His warm body against mine made me shiver. "You don't need to be sorry Rems, I'm in the wrong." He turned within my arms and pressed his forehead to mine. "Because falling in love with you was the best thing that happened to me." I stood, dumbstruck for a few moments and then was attacked by his furiously persistent lips.

I was having trouble breathing but I couldn't care less that I was going to faint if I didn't get oxygen in my blood stream now. I was entirely euphoric and I needed him now.

I regrettably shifted my weight off Sirius and shifted down next to him. The sunlight poured intrudingly into our room yet I twisted myself so it shone on my face, warming me just a little less than Sirius just had. I smiled at the thought of it, "I love you Pads." I whispered, barely able to move. He leant over and kissed my forehead, stroking my utterly messed up hair. "Moons, I'd have to be idiotic to forget that."

"Guess you're an idiot then" I muttered, rolling over to face him entirely and using his arm as a pillow. "Who wouldn't think like that, after what you wrote, that was horrible Moony"

"No, not all of them-87-that's nice, you'll like that one, I swear." Against my aching muscles and hearts objections I had to get up and move away from Sirius. And then find and get on trousers.

Within the next 30 seconds I was scrabbling around on the floor lethargically trying to find number 87. Feeling Sirius's longing and hungry gaze on certain parts of my anatomy at all times. How could he still be hungry after eating an entire feast? That was beyond me. I glanced over the first sentence of each, finally finding the pair that I desired. I placed them in front of the partially concealed body of Sirius. I collected some of the other nicer ones up, the one's pretty much after the phone call and then henceforth from that point. I sat down on the bed and read the one I wrote straight after the phone call; it had not a partner letter, but it still needed to be written nonetheless.

_To my darling Sirius,  
I cannot believe I am writing this, after what has happened over the past few years, but I love you Sirius Black. I will always love you. I miss you, hearing your voice, it's driving me insane. I want my Padfoot back, and I want him now. You might be pleased to know I never did move on or find anyone else. It was always you. I don't know what to say anymore. What would I say to you if I could see you now? I don't know. That is what I have been trying to answer for days now, what would I say to you, what would I do? __  
__It's hard to imagine life with you it's been so long, and we were so young, so naïve. I want to be able to feel your warmth against me, sheltered in your warm embrace for the rest of time. I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, and I am absurdly out of control when the full moon comes around. To put it bluntly I need you, more than anything, I heard the phone message, and I picked up just as you left, I can't believe I missed my opportunity to talk to you, but I suppose it wasn't meant to be. I won't give up on you Sirius; I swear to God we will see each other again. I love you.  
Your ever faithful servant,  
Remus Lupin.  
_

I remember writing that as if it were yesterday, tearstains still smudging the faded ink. I put that back into its lonely unsealed envelope and back onto the stack of nice letters I had written to Sirius. He was still reading number 87, which was probably my sweetest; I was having a bad day and needed to pour some emotion out. But of course to this day Sirius hadn't seen these. I sat on the bed, not wanting to interrupt him, and I saw a tiny glimmer of a tear in Sirius's eye, making me wonder why there was a part of me which could create such beautiful things, that could bring a grown man like Sirius, hardened by the worlds cruelty to tears. Whereas the other side of me created such destruction, such a disease that a whole community felt compelled to discriminate against us.  
Sirius suddenly and all too roughly had me in a headlock, which I guess was meant to be affectionate. He started kissing my heand and blathering on about how I was a beautiful human being. At the loss of circulation I began to squirm, trying to breathe, "Siriuuuuus" I moaned, pulling my head up so he was clinging to my neck. "I can't breathe, can you loosen up a bit?"  
He released me partially to give me some breathing space then latched himself onto me once more "Never, ever, ever again, Moony, never, we are going to stay just like this forever." I grinned and curled further into his arms. "Splendid, just let me get comfy." I said, squirming within his arms until I was laying beside him with my torso and head on his chest.  
We must've drifted off entiwned like that.

A loud thud brought me to my senses and made me gaze uncomprehendingly towards the window, where a bird lay in a crumpled heap of feathers in a muddy brown tone on the other side of the glass. I got up to let the poor beast in and take whatever it had to give us.

The crumpled brown parchment clutched within the birds claws was dropped wearily at my feet, where me and Sirius stared confused at it. Almost scared to pick it up, not knowing what was inside. I glanced at him, then his naked torso, which made me shiver with the most freshly blazing memories, then at the floor. He gnawed on his currently scarlet lips and I drew in a deep breath, gathering up a few of the strewn about letters, all in a random order.

"Hadn't we better open that?" I suggested.

"No, not yet, let me enjoy today, it might be my last day of freedom."


	16. Chapter 16

**Past now for some innocent sleepover fun ;p enjoy!**

We sat in a circle on the floor of our dorm, the soft, plush carpet dipping beneath my hands. Well we were more in a triangle; I was sat attentively on Sirius's crossed legs. I leant back into him and he kissed my neck, breathing down my chest.

Peter huffed and looked pointedly in the other direction. I giggled and snuggled into his warm embrace. "Mmmm, Siri, that's really nice"

He leant his mouth right to my ear "I know, I'm almost too good for words." I nodded and mumbled something entirely incoherent which caused Sirius to laugh against my neck.

I shuddered with pure enjoyment and felt myself getting turned on by Sirius's sweet persistency. Peter suppressed a gag. He was such a homophobe. As if I didn't have enough to deal with. Sirius leant up to my ear again and whispered; "Does my hair look ok? It was being a pain and I think it's all in my eyes." I gasped, Sirius was never this feminine. I had only one option:

"Man up Siri"

"Why don't you?" He scoffed, stroking my hair and kissing my shoulder. "Because I am the feminine one, I don't have to; you have to assert your dominance." I stated. My head hit the floor with a thud but I didn't care. Sirius was on top of me, breathing down my neck with so much heat I thought I might burst. His weight was such a welcome feeling that I wanted so much more of it. I held him against me tighter and kissed him frantically, forgetting Peter's existence "So you want me to rape you to assert my dominance?"

I sighed, my brain turning into mush. "Whatever suits you Siri" He attacked my neck with a fury of tongue, lips and teeth. I would have marks tomorrow. I moaned and grasped at his hair desperately. He paused to look up "Rape it is" I thought for a second - as strenuous - as that was and sat up a little.

"Do you want me to scream like its rape, or not bother pretending I don't enjoy it?"

"Don't bother" He growled, impatient. Unsurprisingly I shared an equal amount of impatience and struggled with the first few buttons of his shirt until James wandered in and immediately sat between me and Sirius and Peter. "Give it a rest, I bet you two couldn't touch each other for-say- a week"

I groaned and pouted, lose Sirius, for a week that was just barbaric. "James you're evil" I sulked. Sirius kissed me and then, upon pulling away shook hands with James, "you're on Potter, sorry Moons," I pouted even harder and Sirius reached out to hug me but then thought better and withdrew his hands.

"I hate you James Potter" I snarled. Wormtail grew an evil grin and I buried my head in my hands. Peter laughed "What do you say to you two pretending you're dating for the week?"

"NO!" I shrieked this has got to be a nightmare I curled up in a ball and buried my head between my chest and my knees. James and Sirius looked at each other and nodded. "Sirius Black, you are not accepting that dare!" I said sternly. He looked at me with pleading eyes and I rolled mine. "Fine, but you two do anything and I'm so gone."

"Would I Moons? And it's not like you could get anyone else. But I might have to, just to annoy Lily" I fumed and smirked arrogantly "I so could get someone, and you know it." James ruffled his hair in a patented move and lazily glanced at me "Prove it". I folded my arms angrily and glared towards Peter.

"Don't think you're getting out of this. You have to prove you deserve to be in this house, courage mate, go steal Professor Mirella's underwear."

"Aw, Moony that's so unfair, all you got to do is not touch him and go and snog a girl, I can't do that, no way."

"Oh yeah like not touching Sirius is easy, look at him, he's gorgeous, oh and Prongs, if I get my property back damaged I will damage parts you might need someday." James winced and Sirius grinned "Don't mess with Moony mate, he never breaks his promises." Sirius winked at me and I groaned. "Siri, Pads, please. This is torture"

"Hah, you're both going to crack, I can see it. Anyway we have business to attend to, Wormtail get up, and you've got some underwear to steal"

Peter got up and huffed his way over to the door, we followed Prongs and Padfoot hand in hand. Prongs grabbed the map, and murmured "we solemnly swear that we are up to no good" as the map flooded with life. He made it out to the dormitory with the maps in his robes and saw Lily was sitting there studying. Sirius pulled James into him and they started kissing. I played my part convincingly and ran off crying. Lily got up and slapped him. "How could you do that to Remus?" She screeched, Sirius just said "It was only a matter of time." and continued out of the common room, where I rejoined the group.

I hissed a warning to James about what would happen if he did that and Lily wasn't around and walked next to Sirius. I subtly placed my hand on his arse and he tensed the slightest bit. I pursed my lips slightly and James shifted his gaze a miniscule amount. I withdrew my hand quicker than lightning. Sirius laughed and James asked what was so funny.

"Moony's getting possessive." Was his answer, damn right too. I loved my Siri, and no Potter would take him away. I needed him, more than I needed air to breathe and water to drink. He'd saved my life and I owed him everything and I would give him anything, everything he ever wanted and needed. And agreeing to this dare was just diabolical.

I couldn't believe he would agree to not touch each other for a week. Hmmm, maybe I could make him crack though.

"Siri, I'm going to miss you-tonight- when I'm alone, in my bed. All lonely and wanting some company to snuggle up against. And you know they think it's going to be a mild night, I might be tempted to lose my shirt if I had someone else's body heat to share. And who knows about other items of clothing. But I guess you can't so, I'll just have to sleep alone, by myself. Without you. And with all of my clothes firmly in place" Peter quickened his pace, to try and get away from us probably.

"Right, she's not in there." James whispered, checking the map. "Alohomora" Peter mumbled, and the door swung open, to reveal the Professors chambers. Peter stepped cautiously in and James pulled the door shut soundlessly fixing it with a charm (provided by me) that would only lift if Professor Mirella opened the door.

Peter being the epitome of naivety that he was didn't realize until he had the underwear and tried to leave. By this point we were hidden in an alcove and watching Professor Mirella walks into her office and screams.

"PETTIGREW, DETENTION, FOR A MONTH! 50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR, GET OUT GET OUT!"


	17. Chapter 17

_To Remus and company,  
You know you're both good friends of ours, and as my 2nd cousin once removed (or something like that) I feel it only fit to warn you that the Ministry are currently after you, knowing your whereabouts, they do not yet know of your innocence and will send you straight back to Azkaban with any accomplices you may have (Sorry Remus, that's you). So as family I would like to instruct you to run, hopefully to Asia where the Ministry has no jurisdiction. They think you are in contact with You-Know-Who and are trying to bring him back, but of course we know different. I am doing all I can to try and fight your case, but I must remain undetected and unsuspicious for my families sake. Wishing you all the best, hope you are well and hope to see you soon.  
Arthur and the family_

_To Arthur, Molly and everyone else,  
we are both well, yet find ourselves under increasing strain to stay undetected in Europe. However, our relationship is as strong as ever. We are making plans to flee to Russia, Snuffles and I, so as soon as you have read this please get rid of it. We know the Ministry have no power there but we fear that this will not stop them. I am missing teaching but it is nice to have the spare time.  
Tell Harry Snuffles would love to hear from him but as ever please do not mention _us_. How are all of the children? I hope you are well too, see you soon  
Remus and Snuffles._

That was a few months ago, yet it seemed almost like years now. Arthur's letter telling us to run,of course we had to, we had no choice, but it hadn't been easy. Sirius had started drinking, not copious amounts, yet enough to concern me a little. Enough for him to have hangovers pretty much every day.

At the moment we had just settled into a slightly large Russian hotel, to the West of Russia. Sirius had paid for the room and we went straight upstairs, it was late and after a whole day of travelling I was tired. I slumped onto the sofa and heard the dull clink of bottles. Great, Sirius had found the mini bar in our suite. A world record he'd found the booze after 12 seconds. I got up and went over to him, folding my arms. "Sirius put it away" I warned, he pouted with a face that normally broke down my most forceful barriers and melted even the sternest of moods. "Please Moony," he pleaded. I shook my head, "No, you put that back right now." I said sternly.

He frowned, and then stomped off to the bedroom, grabbing a jacket. "If I can't drink here, then I'm off to the bar, see you later, maybe." He added harshly. "Fine, you go," I snarled, but inside I was torn; part of me was saying that I had to run after him and protect him from harm, but the other half said it was time to grow a backbone and he could take care of himself.

I eventually ended up drinking the whiskey from the mini bar, entirely hypocritical I know but I needed something to take the painful side effects growing a back bone had. Eventually I made it to the bedroom where I fell into a light, restless sleep on top of the covers.

Surprisingly I slept through the entire night, only waking at about 5 the next morning to get a glass of water and see if Sirius had returned last night, only to find him passed out on the sofa, his shirt on but undone, his trousers on back to front and his hair a mess. Not to mention the smeared lipstick marks trailing from his mouth over his neck and chest then to disappear at the start of his trousers. I was fuming. How dare he do that to me, after all I have and would give up for him, after everything, he would turn his back and sleep with the first slut he slapped eyes on. I went over and shook him awake violently. "Whaaat?" He groaned, sitting up, and then collapsing back in a heap. "You cheated on me?" I said blankly, devoid of the hatred and betrayal I was really feeling. He laughed, rubbing his head "Yeah, you should try her, she's good." He threw a piece of paper from his shirt pocket at me, "here's her number, go on, I wouldn't be mad, until I'm sober at least." He giggled.  
I shook my head "YOU'RE AN IDIOT, YOU THINK I WOULD CHEAT ON YOU SO EASILY, YOU THINK I WOULD JUST GO OFF WITH ANYONE LIKE THAT, YOU THINK I DON'T VALUE OUR RELATIONSHIP ENOUGH TO BE FAITHFUL."  
"Oi, Moony" He began "Don't call me that" I interrupted. "Look, I needed a break, we have been running for months, and you know how many times we've had sex in that time-0  
"SO THAT'S IT, YOU'RE JUST WITH ME FOR THE SEX. THANKS SIRI, REALLY THANKS."  
"stop shouting I've got a headache,"  
"OH, REALLY WAS IT THE ALCOHOL OR WAS YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND A SCREAMER." He smirked  
"Both" He paused, frowning harder and getting up. He stood in front of me and I suddenly became aware of our 8" height difference, I normally didn't notice it, didn't care. But now it became vastly apparent "I told you not to shout at me" He yelled before punching me. A mixture of disbelief and pure shock kept me from dodging. It took me half a second to notice that my nose was broken, but by then I was already on my way to the bedroom to pack my things.  
All in a blur Sirius was behind me; begging me not to go and apologizing. Not that I cared much anymore. I was through with him, with this. I wasn't the convict, I didn't have to run, I'm sure the Weasleys would put me up until I could find somewhere to go.  
"Moons, I'm sorry, I really am" I muttered a spell to fix my nose and turned to face him head on.  
"I've had enough, so I'm leaving, I don't want to see you again, and I regret helping you get away now, goodbye Sirius." I walked away, leaving him. I'm not entirely sure whether he followed me or not, but I couldn't care less.


	18. Chapter 18

I sat down on the floor of the Common Room, leant against the old worn sofa. I buried my head in my hands in disdain, and after 2 minutes and 3 seconds I felt a hand run through my hair. It wouldn't be Sirius; he cared too much about his pride. I opened my eyes and turned around, a flowing mess of auburn met my gaze, framing a perfectly kind and understanding face. "Hey, Remus what's wrong?"  
"He was right. It's impossible." She rolled her eyes "You're going to have to explain this a bit better" I sighed and turned around to face her entirely. "James dared me to within this week get someone else, and I can't. I'm bloody useless." She looped her arms around my neck and hugged me.  
"He's a dick." She whispered. "He fancies you." I said matter-of-factly into her shoulder. A slow, sly grin spread widely across her face. "How about we get him back?" She murmured into my ear. Her full, soft lips brushed along my cheekbone, smoothing over my scar. I shook my head, my brain beginning to fog slightly, my breathing increasing to a threatening peak of hyperventilation. "But…Sirius…"  
"Is snogging James right now, don't you want to know what the perks of being straight are? Don't you want to show James you can find someone else?" I nodded, my brain officially turning off. Her soft lips moved against mine with alarming seductiveness. This was different from Sirius, but not better, not worse either. Just different. Her tongue pressed against my lips and I deepened it, leaning into her more. Her hair slid between my needy fingers and went halfway down her back. Footsteps broke the silence and I was dreading finding out who those steps belonged to. I pulled away and blushed, "Lily, I think that might have been Sirius," I whispered, icy cold realisation hitting me like a dementors presence.

"Rems, he isn't worthy of you, can't you work that out? He accepted a dare not to touch you for a week. That's true love is it?" I got up, not wanting to deal with this at a point where I couldn't run into Sirius's arms and cry. "I'm going for a walk." I huffed. Lily got up as well and James popped up from around the dormitory door and they both followed me irritatingly. I ambled out onto the patch of grass a little way away from the Womping Willow and lay on my back. As tempting as it was to undo my shirt I restrained myself. James, I could feel was sat next to me. He was constantly ruffling his hair, a practiced and perfected move he had made to make it look like he'd constantly come out of Quidditch practice. It fooled no-one. James hissed something at Lily and she got up and strutted off. I raised an eyebrow, even though my eyes were closed. "You know something Remus." He said, quieter than normal, but still audible. "I asked Sirius if he could show me what sex was like for you guys." I sat up sharply "Oh?" I gasped, wondering what the hell had happened. "It took him a while to think of a reason not to, but you know what his excuse was." I shook my head, robotically. My hand crept to my wand so slowly James didn't notice.

"He said I'd scream too loud, so I guess he only likes you because you're a quiet little slut." I flicked my wand out and hissed "Stupefy" James flew backwards and into the Womping Willow's reach. A thin branch whipped down at him and I laughed evilly. He got up, ran towards me, wand drawn. I yawned and laughed…"Levicorpus" While James was dangling by his ankle in mid-air I decided to have a little chat with him. "You will have to do better than that. Sirius loves me. Lily hates you; she kissed me earlier to get back at you. For taking Sirius away from me. James, pure blood James, can't even get a date, whereas I seem to be gifted in that area. I could steal Lily off you anyd-"  
"REMUS LUPIN!" A voice bellowed from along the grounds. I turned to see Professor Dumbledore. I groaned and turned. James dropped like the emotionless rock he was.  
I and James were told to meet him in his office. I growled and stormed off James following grudgingly. In a matter of minutes I was sat casually in one of Dumbledore's chairs. James was next to me, but had shifted his chair as far away from me as possible. Dumbledore sat down opposite us,  
"Right, what happened?"  
"James called me a slut and has been deliberately taunting me for days now."  
"He attacked me" James shrieked.  
"When did this all start?" Dumbledore asked serenely.  
"4 days ago, he started to, um, come onto um-"  
"Sirius, It was a dare, but to be frank it's their fault for being gay." I blushed a shade that would have made me a perfectly acceptable enlarged cherry. Dumbledore folded his hands  
"I am quite aware of their sexuality Mr Potter, and that is no excuse for your actions." I smirked a 'you're getting in trouble' smile.  
"However, Mr Lupin, you're a prefect, I expect better. To throw another student into the grasp of the Womping Willow. I am disappointed. You will both serve detention for a week with Professor Slughorn." My head dropped to my lapin annoyance and James smirked. "You are dismissed." Dumbledore croaked. I got up and stormed off, needing someone to cry to. I wasn't normally violent, or in trouble, and it had drained me. On my hurried way back to the dorm I bumped into Snape, and literally knocked him off his feet. Automatically, I extended my hand to help him up and he pulled me close. "I'm beginning to see why you like Sirius so much-he's pretty good isn't he-forceful" Then he let go of my hand and carried on walking. However, I was rooted to the spot, mouth open.  
Was that a dream? It had better have been. Where was Sirius? I needed to talk to him. I sprinted, full pelt to our dorm, where he lay, sprawled across my bed. Unconsciously he turned his head into the pillow and inhaled. "Mmmm…Remus...I love you" He sighed dreamily.  
All of a sudden I didn't want to wake him up didn't want to do anything but stand here watching my love sleep. But I had to, for the sake of my sanity I had to. I walked over and stroked his mahogany hair; I leant down and placed a kiss on his alluringly parted lips. He still didn't even stir. I sat on his stomach, facing his upper body. I then leant forwards and kissed his ear. "Sirius, honey wake up. I want to talk to you." He groaned and stretched, sitting up with me on his chest still. "I'm guessing the dare's off then?"  
"You could say that, but I completed mine."  
"I know" He snarled. Ooh, touchy subject. I curled into his chest even further, balling up to half my size. "I got detention." I sighed. Sirius looked taken aback then laughed.  
"How?" I blushed. "I hexed James." Sirius stroked my back lovingly, but in his eyes was a nervous glint. "Why?" he laughed, trying to keep up the jovial façade. "He said, and I quote: I asked Sirius if he could show me what sex was like for you guys. It took him a while to think of a reason not to, but you know what his excuse was. He said I'd scream too loud, so I guess he only likes you because you're a quiet little slut. That's what he said to me. Earlier on, did he Siri, did you?"  
"Yes and no, he asked me for sex, and I said he would scream cos it hurt so much, but I never called you that, and I didn't take ages to think of an excuse not to, my excuse was that I love you Remus Lupin,"  
"Really, so what was Snape on about I saw him in the all, he told me he could see hy I liked you, that you were forceful, Siri, what did you do to him?" He blushed. "Errm, well, erm, uh, oh Remus." He said kissing me wildly. My brain was melting but I needed answers. But then again I needed Sirius. I ground my hips closer to his and whined into his mouth. Even in my flustered and intoxicated state I managed to lock the door with some incredibly powerful charms, and place equally powerful silencing charms over the room.

A lone bead of sweat dripped down my cheek as I made a fresh, bright red mark on Sirius's chest, encircled by my deep teeth marks. That was the 18th one in 45 minutes. I rested my head on his chest and let his long fingers roam throughout my slightly damp hair. "Rems, you didn't have to work quite that hard." I shrugged, unable of speech and gave him his 19th mark. "Siri, we need to do that more often." I gasped. He laughed groggily "I'm not complaining. Are you ok?"  
"Yeah why?"  
"Don't you hurt or ache or something, it bloody killed me for days." I grinned. "I'm used to it, and anyway, you might want to check your chest, I left a lovely little surprise for James when he next tries to touch you, they spell Fuck off James, if you look closely." We both knew I was joking but Sirius checked nonetheless. "I love you Moony."  
I leant up to his neck and gave him number 20. "Love you too Pads." He gasped and his hand flew to his neck, where my tongue had just brushed over. "Fuck, Moons that one's visible"  
"I'd say they're all pretty visible to me." I laughed. He frowned at me "I mean even when I have clothes on everyone will see it." I giggled, "I know"  
"You're 100% pure evil Remus." He hissed. I laughed and he flipped me and pinned me down on the bed, hands at my wrists. Thank God the sheets were still over us; James strutted in casually as ever, as if we were just sitting playing exploding snap. "Not intruding am I? Well I know I am, the door was pretty well locked." I was currently sitting up a little on the pillow, still under Sirius, but I threw my head back with an anguished groan. "Go away," I moaned. "I am trying to relax with my boyfriend."  
"I'm just going to observe, I want to know what it's like and since Sirius seemed too reluctant to show me…I was thinking I could just watch."  
"James, go away." Sirius said, annoyance peppering his tone. He rolled over to look at James. James laughed "Padfoot mate, looks like you've got a rash, better go to the hospital wing, looks like a serious case of Lupinitis." I hissed and lobbed a pillow at him.  
"Better watch out, letting him bite you like that, he might get a taste for your flesh, or worse turn you like him."  
I got up, magically dressed myself within 2 seconds and ran from the dorm in floods of tears. "That was nasty and uncalled for James, what did he do to you to deserve that?" Sirius yelled just as I sprinted from the common room.  
I heard footsteps behind me all the way to the shrieking shack, where I curled in a corner, sobbing uncontrollably. Sirius walked in warily as if I were to just bite his head off, but you never know what the future holds. I felt his two arms wrap themselves around me and twisted into his chest. "He's right, Sirius, he's right." I saw- blurred as it may be- Sirius's lips press together, and his eyes shut, as if he were trying not to cry.  
"No, Remus he isn't. He's jealous."  
"Of being a monster like me, how could anyone envy that. And what if he is right, what if I have turned you, just through sheer stupidity and teenage hormones,"  
"Then we'll be out of control werewolves together. But Moonikins, you didn't break the skin."  
"YOU THINK THAT MATTERS, THIS IS MAGIC, IT DOESN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO 'BREAK THE SKIN' YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE. HOW PAINFUL IT IS, YOU HAVE NO CLUE."  
"Not nearly as painful as it is to watch the love of your life go through that alone every single month."  
"BUT-"  
"Not nearly as painful as watching the love of your life rip themselves to shreds not knowing if they're going to pull through this time, not nearly as painful as it is to have to hold you while you change into that monster. AND DEFINITELY NOT NEARLY AS PAINFUL AS IT IS TO BE LEFT BEHIND WHEN THAT THING FINALLY GETS ROUND TO KILLING YOU."  
"I'd love to say that's impossible, but we both know it's true." I whispered, finally resigned to the fact I had no energy left. I collapsed backwards into Sirius's arms and fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

The bottle of flaming golden liquid clinked from my numb hand to the dusty wooden floor. The remaining few particles of liquid dripped onto the floor, making distinct circular pools of darkened, dust free zones on the floor. My throat was dry, my heart was cold. I had nothing left to live for. At the moment I was staring at the mysterious insides of my eyelids, which my brain never really noted as having a distinct colour. It was just too foreign a concept to grasp. That the inside of my eyelids might actually be a colour.

My hand ran though my greasy dirty hair and I groaned. I now felt the all too familiar headache start to set in. Once I had left Sirius I realised how effective alcohol was at numbing pain. I realized also how difficult it must've been for him having to move every other day. And in hindsight I wish I had noticed and helped him, loved him. Maybe I wouldn't be here, alone and drunk if I had. Fixing my gaze on the ceiling I focused on anything that might take the threat of a headache away. Considering this was Sirius's old flat (to which I still had the spare key –hence why I was here-) I would not have been able to tell this dusty old apartment had once belonged to my ex-partner.

The ceiling was a very curious thing. For one this whole place reminded me of the shrieking shack, where I had spent so long imprisoned as my other self. The dust and general air of being decrepit providing stark flashback of scars that hadn't healed. Sirius had always been there for me through all of my problems. All of my changes. And what could I do for him, run off when he has the slightest little problem. 'He cheated on you Remus!' A part of my mind yelled. "I know, I know" I yelled to the musty emptiness. "But I love him" I cried. My tears mingled with the whiskey on the floor. At this rate the flat would be flooded in a matter of minutes.

I have a strange suspicion I cried myself to sleep because I woke up, staring at the faded and whitewashed ceiling. The paint was peeling and I managed to find Sirius's face silhouetted against a naked ceiling, where the paint had completely fallen off. Plunged to its doom with the ongoing neglect. Would I be like that flake of paint? Finally ending my life in one swift move because I had given up hope, given up life itself. Maybe I would. Maybe Sirius would find it in him to come after me, to forgive me for so foolishly leaving him. Maybe I had to move on. Find someone else, find a job. Hah, not likely with my species and Dolores Jane Umbridge and her idiotic beliefs and decree's in the way. I was not going to be able to find a job. I needed Sirius; I needed him emotionally, physically and for general survival. I think he would know I were here, it was only a matter of him wanting to find me. After how I'd behaved this chance was slim. But it was a chance and I was willing to believe in that with all my strength until the day I died, or he came back. Whichever cam sooner, I wasn't too fussed at the moment. I would take either. Happily. The ceiling, I can imagine could have been quite pretty one day, when the flat was new and everything was fresh. Then I can imagine it would have been a nice place to live. I could imagine living here with Sirius, wandering in and out of the rooms. Giving each other quick kisses in passing; then spending every night curled up together in a huge downy bed. I sighed, that was all I ever wanted. To just settle down with him, get married, or the gay equivalent. I just wanted him forever. I was so hungry but I knew eating would not fill the void in my stomach. That was created when I left Sirius. Initially I had tried comfort eating but that hadn't worked, and now I was losing weight as fast as I was losing my sanity. I looked towards the window and saw it was getting dark. I have no clue how long I had been lying there, or when I should attempt getting up. But I might faint if I did, and that wouldn't be good. So I stayed there, still alone, still only semi-conscious, still missing Sirius. Hmm, marriage. Mr. Remus Black, hah, like I'd be welcomed into the Black family with open arms. A half-blood half-breed, I sniggered at the thought. Ha, Narcissa and Bellatrix's faces. Did they even know Sirius was gay? Probably not, Mr. Black didn't flaunt the fact, even within the family. Sirius Lupin, wow now that had a ring to it. I sighed-it would never happen-Sirius wouldn't like the commitment, even when our relationship was at our peak, he wouldn't do it. Even if that was the single most important thing to me; the only thing I ever wanted more than to be cured of my curse. But I knew that was a physical impossibility so I gave up on that one. But now this, this was achievable, highly possible, with any normal couple. But nothing about me and Sirius was normal, a fallen angel and a werewolf. A fallen angel in denial about his commitment issues. And me, a selfish werewolf with no backbone, no life and a drinking problem. But then again we had survived 20 years together, 12 years of that apart, and yet here we were, separated by at least a continent, depending on which way he went or if he stayed put. I couldn't care less. He wasn't here with me, when I needed him most. But I was one to talk; he needed me for once in his life, once! And I couldn't even provide that. I was useless. I didn't deserve him. So many but's. So many, and none in my favour. Maybe after all this time we just weren't meant to be and now fate chose it's time to let us know. Maybe I would have to move on or be drowned in the torrential downpour that was my changing life.


	20. Chapter 20

I trudged my way up to the office of Professor Slughorn, who to be frank was a dithering, blathering middle aged man who actually scared me a bit. He liked to collect people. People with talent, or charm, or anything spectacular really. And I had no clue as to who had noticed my lycanthropy, no matter how much I had tried to hide it, some people knew, but who they were was a mystery to me. I hoped it was just me, Sirius, James, Peter and Dumbledore. But who knows?  
I was welcomed in warmly and told to sit anywhere I liked really. As insanely scary as Slughorn may be he was pretty easy-going. I sat on the window sill, the hard grey stone providing little comfort, but hey, I could see across the grounds to the Quidditch pitch; the stands tall and proud, house flags flapping gently in the breeze. I had never been much interested in Quidditch, it was boring and overrated and James liked it. Therefore, it was stupid.

James strutted in and I growled, bunching one of my legs up, and letting the other dangle inside the room. "Professor Slughorn, when can I go? I have Quidditch practice in an hour and I need to warm up." I pressed my head to the glass and sighed. "Fuck Quidditch, I have a Sirius to fuck and I need to warm up." James seemed to have heard and glowered in my direction. A smirk littered my face as my mind thought snidely "Jealous much". James took a seat at the other end of the classroom; I couldn't really care less where he sat, as long as I didn't have to look at his enlarged and obnoxious head. Professor Slughorn came over to me first and I defiantly locked my gaze onto the students outside. "I am of the understanding that you used a pretty powerful hex on Mr Potter over there, managing to hold him in the air even while all outside distractions were going on. I must say I am impressed. Would you care to join me for a spot of tea after lessons today? I am having a get together of a few gifted students, and would be delighted if you were there." Today, after lessons? I had plans, serious plans (Well Sirius plans), and no way was I going to miss out on that. We hadn't touched for 4 days; we had a lot of making up to do. "Sorry Professor, I have plans, I can't."

He sighed; James rolled his eyes at me, and then turned away. "Oh, that is a shame, maybe some other time." I shrugged, not really caring much whether he was disappointed I couldn't come or not. I had better things to be doing. Professor Slughorn walked over to James and I returned my gaze to the window, a pale face, framed by orderly mahogany curls was there, in the middle of the field, but below the window, I quickly brought a piece of parchment from the desk into my hand. 'This is torture, get me out please. X' I then folded it into a miniature paper aeroplane and sent it through the open window. Initially the window had not been opened, but it was a hot day, and that was my excuse. I watched Sirius catch it and laugh, oh how nice it must be to be free. He saw I was looking and drew out his wand. In the air, in flames he wrote "I miss you Rems." I grinned and he sent the note back up for me to write on. 'Missing you too Siri, but I don't know what I miss the most. And because I think Prongs might have some way of reading this I might add a little detail, but not yet. Oh and he's annoying me." It flitted down into Sirius's awaiting hands. 'How?' was his flaming reply. I grinned 'by existing' Just as I was about to send it Slughorn waddled over, his weight proving too difficult for his short dumpy legs to manage. "What's this, not breaking detention rules I hope." I groaned and handed the note over to him. After glancing at it he turned to grin at me "A secret admirer perhaps?" James snorted, a sound which suited his increasingly pig like face.**  
**"Not so much of a secret, Professor." I blushed involuntarily and buried my head in my knees.

"Come on Remus, who's the lucky girl?" James laughed in a bubble of sound, it burst right by me ear and shook me entirely. "Spit it out lads," James was just sniggering in the background now. "Sirius Black" I mumbled. I wasn't ashamed of it I'd just prefer it if the whole school weren't aware of our sexuality. But with Slughorn in on the secret that was a physical impossibility. Slughorn's face went a strange shade of pinkie-purple, and then checked himself. I had my forehead pressed to the window pane. Sirius was still below and I made an exaggerated slashing motion across my neck. He laughed and I put a hand against the glass, wishing Sirius's was entwined with it. "Oh, right, well, erm, that's perfectly normal, in today's society, umm," I got up and sighed. "Sir, can I please take 5 minutes, I need to breathe, there's only so much homophobia one can take." Slughorn nodded and I stormed from the room, down to where Sirius was waiting. I hugged him hard around the neck and he held me there, giving me comfort and safety in his arms. "James pretty much shoved me into a corner; I had to tell them, like out loud, about us." I snuggled my head into his chest and he stroked my hair, "Oh, Rems, there's nothing to be ashamed of, I love you, and if I could scream that from the mountaintops to the whole world I would. Don't let James get to you." I smiled and kissed the not so fading mark on his neck. "You always know what to say Siri." I whispered. "And they're expecting me back."

I slumped back into the classroom and resumed my uncomfortable, yet practical position. James walked past me and hissed something hurtful in my direction. It sounded strangely like "Sirius was only sticking up for you cos he pities you." I just laughed. "Didn't sound like it yesterday afternoon before you so rudely interrupted, now did it Potter?" I said back, as loud as I dared. Slughorn turned that odd pink colour again "Now, now boys, keep it friendly, it was your bickering that got you into this mess." I maturely turned away from this fight that I would obviously win and stared pointedly out of the window, to the angel waiting for me below. Normally it was the reverse situation, with James and Sirius in detention, and me waiting on the outside. A pasty white, gangly being sidled up next to Sirius. I tensed. Digging my teeth into my knee to stop me from screaming I suddenly clicked what Sirius had done to Snape. I gulped, no, no, no, no way. At this moment I was so happy I was stuck in detention, it gave me an excuse not to hit Sirius. James was revelling in my obvious disdain and at the moment he would be a perfect punch bag. And I was a master at wordless magic. Within 15 minutes James had a beak, a pig's tail, hooves instead of hands and no way to change them back. I grinned to myself and earned another 3 days of detention. Strangely, it was worth it.

Again, Slughorn reminded me that I had talent and wanted me to join his "Slug club" But I really had better things to do than to sit around being polite with a group of people who looked down on me because: 1) I was gay 2)I was a werewolf 3) I was a half blood. Not. My. Thing. I leant back and closed my eyes, revelling in the sunlight. I loved the sun; it meant the moon wasn't around. I liked the way Sirius looked in the sun, pale, but not pasty, healthily pale. His hair threw unusual colours, burnt oranges and dark browns. I especially loved the way it felt on my skin. Tingly and warm and comforting. Like when you're a child and you curl up as small as you can get under your favourite blanket. The one that used to feel like the biggest and fluffiest in the world. That is the sun, irreplaceable, indestructible and impossible to describe. Sirius was just like that, vital to my life, and impossible to put into words. He just was.

I put my head onto my legs and watched the students lounging on the grass. That could be me and Sirius, just sitting there, side by side. But no, prefect Potter had to get in the way of that. I flicked my wand and he had donkey ears. Then I spent a meticulous 15 minutes putting up shield charms so that James couldn't get me back I let my mind idly wander back to Sirius. Particularly the contours of his face and body. I sighed and my head lolled against the window pane. I was sick of these four walls already and the first detention wasn't even over yet. I groaned audibly and James glanced over lazily. "Thinking of Sirius are we?"

"Actually I am." I snapped. "He gave me a lot to think about yesterday." I said smugly. "But I wouldn't ponder that too long if I were you, we both know that's never going to happen. To you at least." Professor Slughorn turned around absently and told us we could go. Sirius, obviously anticipating this was waiting outside the door, ready to pick me up in a hug. James strutted off in the other direction as fast as his hooves and other rapidly fading animal extensions. In Sirius's warm embrace I forgot all about Snape and melted into him. "We have potions with Slughorn Moons." I dropped my head into his shoulder with a resigned thud.

I let him take my hand and lead me down to the dungeons, wondering half-heartedly why Slughorn's office was so far from his classroom. The stools were arranged in pairs, with one cauldron between 2, and a group of ingredients beside each cauldron. I pulled Sirius to an empty table at the back, in a corner. I looked at the parchment of instructions and grinned widely. I nudged Sirius in the ribs and pointed to the large title on the parchment "Love potions". He mimicked my grin. "If one of us has to drink it, it's you." He dictated. I nodded "I'm not complaining."

Professor Slughorn walked in and stood at the front of the full class. "The instructions are on your desks, you may begin." I began to cut up the ingredients while Sirius tapped the little glass tube onto the desk, getting increasingly louder. "Sirius, stop it." Tap. Tap. Tap. "Sirius! I meant now." Tap. Tap. Tap. "Gimme that, you cut, I'll shake it." Reluctantly, Sirius handed me the tube, whilst he continued with the cutting up of the ingredients, then he shoved them into the tube, piece by piece. I realised at this point that the rim of the tube was a lot thinner than the actual thing; it sort of sloped out in a triangular fashion. And the pieces that Sirius were putting in fit one by one, but getting them out would be torture. After 10 minutes of silent shaking, hoping that the ingredients would somehow dissolve into a paste which would fit though the rim of the tube (to no avail, I might add) It was time for us to put them into another, larger flask and reduce over heat whilst stirring. I turned the first flask upside down over its larger companion, but nothing came out. My face was growing redder, and Sirius's laughter less stifled. Eventually, I thrust the flask into his hands "you do it then, idiot," I huffed, kicking him under the table. "You won't be doing that in a minute" he teased, winking in the most seductive fashion. At this point I realised I was so in love that no amount of love potion could make that love stronger. After 15 minutes constant stirring, and glancing at Snape constant note making in his copy of the potions book that we weren't actually working from today. We were told to pour a decent amount into a clearly labelled and sealed flask to be marked.

Sirius, unbeknownst to me had put the leftover lot in a separate vial and then into his pocket, which, again without my knowledge or consent was slipped into my pumpkin juice at dinner. By the time we reached the dorm I had accidently on purpose stumbled into Sirius 6 times and squealed when he held my hand at least a dozen times. I think it's safe to say the effects had well and truly set in.


	21. Chapter 21

"Rennervate." Three syllables that were like being defribulated. My body jolted upwards from the chest and I flopped back onto the floor. I groaned, I was quite happy being unconcious, no worries, no cares, nothing. Just empty black voidness. Some voice was echoing somewhere but I couldn't see clearly enough to recognise the owner. A jabbing at my hand finally evoked a reaction from me, "Schhtop" I tried saying, but it came out as if my tongue were at least 3 times the size it should be. I was quite happy the way I was and needed to be left alone, but my attacker kept jabbing at me "Noooooooo...iiiiiii...iiit iis my" Then it came back to me, mould is a nearly extinct species and I was planning to repolulate the planet with enough. "It's my mould faaaarm" I started shaking my head, trying to ward off my harrasser. "It's a lump of mould" They grunted. I tried focusing a glare on them but it failed, my gaze not being able to stay one place for too long "But it's MY lump of mould...my mould." I began sobbing as I remembered that it was more than a mould farm, it wqas my only suriving friend. "He's alive and he talks to me. He has a name, it's Sirius." I insisted, though whoever had come to my unwanted aid stayed silent, while I continued on my strained speech, "Don't steal him away James, don't take him from me!" I weeped. My mould spoke to me again just after that. "I'm not James, I'm Sirius" it scolded sternly. I reached out to pat my friend on the head and nodded

"I know you are, my furry little friend." I then turned to my other side, "See James, you idiot he just spoke to me" Checking the mould one more time I proceeded "He even looks like Sirius, see that's his noooose," I prodded his "nose" "and that bit's his beard" I prodded the corresponding bit.  
"Ooh, and that bit of tomato is his lips, but only if you move them in your head.

I scowled at "Sirius" willing it to move. After 10 failing seconds I turned over "Has it moved James, have I missed it?"  
Suddenly, with a minimal amount of pressure, followed by a weight off my hand. "Yes it's moved" that same voice snapped irritably.

I gawped at my now empty, but still blurred hand and felt my eyes well up "Where did Siri go? Did he run away from me again? Oh he left, he left me, he left." I burst into tears and curled up in a ball. "He ran away from me with Schhnape again din't he, agaain. The bastard, he should die in a hoole alone and rotting."

A now familiar voice popped through my tears into my head. It felt like my brain was an untuned TV, with all the black and white static fuzzing around in my head, I was just getting a picture, but it kept jolting. The sound was recognisable but had that same annoying staticy sound with it. "Excuse me, I am here! I'm not a pile of mould. And I am NOT eloping with Snape! Get a grip Remus, this is not you!" It was Sirius. The real and proper one. But I remembered something faintly and sat up a bit, head spinning a little. "Oh, hi Siri! You are here. But aren' I meant to hate you?" He laughed and grabbed my arm, starting to help me get up.

"Whatever floats your boat darling. Now let's get you cleaned up a bit, you're in a bit of a mess."

I felt his shoulder supporting most of my weight, and my feet on solid ground. I insisted I was fine but Sirius didn't let go of me until we were in the bathroom and I was sat in the bath. "Aguamenti" Sirius muttered, a sparkly jet of water shooting from his wand onto me. It was FREEZING. I gasped and tried getting out. Had I had my full strenght and height on my side I would have easily got out, however this wasn't the case and Sirius shoved me back in. He began to remove my various dirty and now wet items of clothing, making me face the frigid water with no protectio whatsoever. It was barbaric, but it did wake me up a bit. Just a little though. I was still struggling to get out, when Sirius walked off with a sigh that radiated "Why the hell am I doing this?" I stopped trying to get out, because some part of me realised he had no personal gain out of thi. he as doing it solely for me. He came back through with a bar of chocolate that was about the only thing in this house which didn't have mould all over it. He handed it to me with another sigh and got to work washing my hair and cleaning to rest of me, back to something which lookd vaguely human.

After that he foud something (Merlin knows how) that was clean and instructed me to get ressed in it. Then he, with some difficulty laid me down onto the bed which I had not lain on for 12 years and set to work cleaning the house and making it someething which could be lived in. I had a growing hope that he would stay here with me, after my drastic outcry for attention I thought he might think I needed protecting and looking after. Which strictly speaking I did.

I was halfway to sleep when I felt Sirius's lips brush my forehead as his gentle hands brushed the hair from my face. "Sweet dreams, Moons." No I thought, they can't be sweet at all if you're not here. They'll just be nightmares. "I won't be back for a while. I have a promise to keep, one I will not break."

I heard the door squeak and even though my voice was weak I had to try. "Wait...Siri" I mumbled as loud as I could. The clunking footsteps stopped and the door creaked open a crack. "Why are you leaving me?" I said, opening my eyes to see him. He ambled back over to me and sat by my head, "You told me to be nicer to Harry and he's not in a good place right now. He needs me to be there for him."

Thats how it was, always James first, now it was Harry before me. As per usual. I pouted, badly concealing my emotions as my eyes grew even more watery and poured into his. "I need you to be here for me too Sirius. I need you too"

"You're a big boy Rems, don't give yourself alcohol poisoning," He laughed tartly, he was hiding something. "I'll be back by the end of the month to check you're ok. I love you. Stay well"

A swift gust of air alerted me that he had left, and I cried myself to sleep, the start of many sleepless and lonely nights to follow.


	22. Chapter 22

Sirius by this point was having extraordinary amounts of fun with me on love potion. I was sat on my bed, which, much to my delight Sirius had decided to join me on. I'd taken my shirt off because I swear it was sweltering in here. Or that might just be Sirius. He was goregous, my eyes had been glued to him for what seemed like hours now, analysing his every move, his every expression. He was crafted by angels. Cruel angels, who had left him on this planet so carelessly to be tortured by falling in love with a monster like me. He brushed his hand along my thigh and I felt something straining in my groin. How could such a simple move have such a startling affect on me? "Ooh, a bit hasty there Moons, you need to calm down a bit, we need to wait for them to fall asleep first" He whispered straight into my ear, his too-sexy-for-its-own-good voice giving me shivers. I whined, James looked like he'd stay up all night if it was going to annoy me. "But, Siri, he's not going to fall asleep, and I'm too impatient." I whinged. Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm thinking maybe I should give you this potion much more often, it does wonders for your libido honey." If that meant we were going to have sex a lot more often I would take any potion in the world. Sirius rolled on top of me and I squealed, wrapping my arms around his neck and attacking his lips fervently. A moan vibrated off of his tongue and into my mouth, making me work harder to mark him as my own. James cleared his throat loudly and Peter fled the room. "I'm still here you know." He huffed. I sat up, precious inches of my body parting from Sirius's "Well here's an idea" I said overly sweetly. "Why don't you...FUCK OFF" I growled. "Fine, fucking bastard." He snarled, vacating the room.  
"Moons I've never seen you so...so...manly...it's quite a bit of a turn on actually." Sirius confessed. "Now where were we?" henceforth he lulled me into a state of pure unbridled love and ecstacy.

"Ugh" Sirius grunted as I felt the chill of the morning air on my bare chest. "We need to do all nighters more often, that was fucking amazing."  
"Normally I would be worried about not getting a wink of sleep, but if I spent every night with you like that I would never sleep again" I sighed. Sirius placed a messy, lazy kiss on my slightly damp chest. I'm guessing all that friction worked up a bit of a sweat. "uh, Siri, my lips are up here." I scolded partially dragging his whole body over mine to kiss him with bright red lips once again. Sirius gets more violent with his kisses when we we're doing what we were doing all of last night. His tongue crept into my mouth and I met it with a careful caress of my own. After I reluctantly pulled away I realised the bigger picture. "Mmm, what do we have first."  
"We've got Magical Creatures" I groaned in anguish. Just what I needed, blast ended skrewts exploding at us. I rolled over "What time?"  
"Now" Sirius yawned. I dashed up hissing profanities at him, even though I was still drugged up on love potion. I hurried around grabbing items of clothing and throwing them on myself or at Sirius, trying to look as innocent as possible.

Wandering over to the edge of the Forbidden Forest I saw a walrus-like figure bumbling around handing out boxes between students. Panicking I glanced towards Sirius, who was as dazed as I was. "Siri, it's Slughorn"  
"Shit" I grabbed at his shirt, still walking towards the class, if not slower, and tried to tuck it into his trousers. After giving up on that one and resorting to doing his tie properly Sirius glanced down and sniggered "Moons, your fly is undone."  
"Fuck, can't you do it,"  
"you're still drugged up aren't you"  
"Less so but essentially yes, I was going to ask if you could do it with your teeth, but Sluggers is watching us. So your hands will have to do" Sirius reached towards my groin, which even after the non stop events of last night reacted to his touch with alarming sensetivity, "Moony, get a grip of yourself"  
"I think it might be more effective if you got a grip of myself Siri." I hissed as we joined the group. Slughorn raised an eyebrow at me and Sirius, and my little (well kinda big) friend. "Nice of you to join us" I caught sight of myself in a puddle and gasped. Had it been raining last night? I hadnt noticed. But my hair was defying gravity, spelling out in flashing letters what we had been up to last night. I took one look at Sirius's hair and groaned. His was just the same, if not more affected by gravity than mine was.  
"Oh my god look at them"  
"They had fun last night"  
"It's just disgusting, a couple like that at it in our school"  
"Is Sirius Black really gay then?" Were the murmurs that met us as we tried to grasp what the lesson was about. So many people were looking at Sirius, some with disgust, some with disappointment, and some were glaring at me, girls mainly, who were obviously hating me for turning their main crush gay. But all of them were muttering. Sirius groaned, kissed my hand and then stood up on one of the boxes, which was more like a wooden crate. He inhaled deeply and then cleared his throat.  
"Just so all of you know, yes I am gay, yes I do really love Remus Lupin, and no, to all you girls who thing you can turn me, you disgust me. To think I would give up on the love of my life so easily for a false bitchy whore like you. So if you want to target someone over this leave Rems alone, it's me you're going to want to torment. Because guess what, Remus and I'll both fight back, but with me you have a chance of compassion creeping in and sparing your sorry little life."  
I blushed redder than the Gryffindor tie and Sirius stepped down into the mob of awestruck 6th years.

After that the rest of the day passed uneventfully and at around 5 o clock the effects of the potion wore completely off. Around 10 minutes later I realised why Sirius had drugged me. It was not for sex. Not even for a playful joke. It was to make me forget the truth. The truth about Snape. After dragging a brush through my hair I wandered back to the common room where Sirius was sat tensely on the sofa. I strolled over and rubbed his shoulders. "Siri, um, I'm not quite sure how to put this." I thought mockingly for a few seconds "You ever drug me again to hide the truth and I will rip your dick off and sew it to your forhead."  
"And, uh, what truth would that be Rems, honey" he stammered. Sirius never stammered. "About how you raped Snape to get back at me for snogging Lily,"  
"I don't know wha-"  
"Cut the crap Sirius, I know what happened and I know why and I am not happy about it to say the least."  
"What was I meant to do, you were giving my arch enemy a tongue bath."  
"You were meant to know it was only a dare, when you were snogging the living daylights out of James I didn't run off and rape someone did I?"  
"I'm not like you Remus, I have pent up sexual frustration. Which is just heightened by your actions."  
"Don't pin this on me you selfish dickhead"  
"Well if thats what you think of me, maybe I should run off with Snape."  
"Maybe you should, cos I don't want you anymore."  
"I get up in front of our class, declare my love for you and this is how you repay me"  
"YOU MADE ME A TARGET FOR ALL THE HOMOPHOBIA IN THE SCHOOL AND IM MEANT TO BE THANKFUL"  
"I STOPPED THEIR RUMOUR DIDN'T I?"  
"THEY ARENT RUMOURS IF THEY'RE TRUE YOU IMBECILE"  
"I'M LEAVING REMUS, I DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH A HORMONALLY IMBALANCED WEREWOLF WITH ANGER ISSUES."  
"FINE YOU GO, RUN OFF TO SNIVELLUS SEE IF I CARE. I DONT WANT A POMPOUS DISCRIMINATING PURE BLOOD WHO JUDGES PEOPLE ON THEIR SPEICES ANYWAY." he stormed off muttering incoherant profanities at me. One thing I was certain, I was going to make Snape pay for stealing my Sirius.

Clearly in my mind I thought "Accio Marauders Map" and it flew to my hand.  
"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."


	23. Chapter 23

Infuriatingly, I still had a huge black scribble in my memory in between collapsing from the copious amount of alcohol in my system to when I woke up about a month ago, completely clean and in a livable flat. I had kept it clean and kept myself healthy, I knew how close I had come to death and I knew it was not pretty. God knows how but something in me was telling me not to go down that road again. Hoovering was what I was doing when the door went.

I wasn't expecting anyone so I shut the hoover off and transported it off to the cupboard. The door swung open and I gasped. Sirius was leant against the doorframe as if nothing had happened between us. As if he hadn't run off with some Russian slut. As if we were still together.  
"Oh hey Rems, I'm guessing you're ok then"  
"Not what I'd call it" I snapped coldly. "Or have you hoped I had forgotten what happened in Russia." His face dropped like a suicidal man from a block of flats. What had happened? Had I forgiven him? I hope not, I was still so angry and hurting over that I was not ready to accept him back into my life.

"Um, no, but it is your memory I'm concerned for" He muttered, stepping into the flat and raising his eyebrows at the impeccable cleanliness of the flat. "NOW YOU CHOOSE TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT ME, ABOUT MY FEELINGS, YOU'RE JUST UNBELIEVABLE." I bellowed, Sirius ran his hand through his disheveled hair and I noticed his attire. His shirt was slightly open and torn a bit, his tattoo's clearly visible. I loved his tattoos. I adored his tattoos. They were so diverse and unique. They defined him completely and I could not tear my eyes off them. Not for one second. He smirked and undone another of his buttons.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! I CAN'T TAKE THIS SIRIUS, YOU'VE DONE SO MUCH WRONG AND YOU THINK BY STRIPPING IN FRONT OF ME I'LL FORGET AND FALL INTO YOUR ARMS AGAIN. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I CAN'T STAND YOU AT THE MOMENT." He sniggered "Then sit down."

I sighed and shook my head. I. Could. Not. Cope. With. Him. I collapsed onto the ancient sofa, a lone tear streaking down my face. "Sirius, please, please, don't put me through this, I don't know how you can think you can just stroll in here like this and tear my life apart. If you care anything for me, please just leave me alone; don't do this to me again"

"Oh Remus" he sighed.

He walked over to me slowly and brushed the hair out of my face, smoothing a hand down my cheek. I tried turning my head away but he turned my head to face him square on. I was bawling my eyes out, half sobbing and half begging him not to rip me to shreds again. He pulled me tight into a hug "I swear I won't hurt you again. I need to explain something to you, and it doesn't matter whether it changes your view on me or not, but you need to know."

"What?"

"When I found you, you were in a sort of alcohol induced coma. Remus, I thought you'd died. I thought I had killed you. Through a stupid one night stand," I stopped him. "Believe me Sirius I wanted to die." He nodded once, taking in a deep steadying breath. "I know I can't believe I let you go and get yourself in that state. But you were delusional and crying and I had to clean you up and all the time you were making nonsense and insisting that Snape had stolen me again. And you thought I was James,"  
"And once again you saved my life. Sirius, I have just realised I can't live without you, no matter how hard I try. I just can't do it."

Sirius pulled away from our hug a little and placed a kiss onto my forehead. "I would take a bullet for you Remus, please just take me back,"  
My heard wept for him, and a longed to hold him in my arms and never let us part again. He seemed to feel the same way, because he pretty much leapt back onto me and buried his face into my shoulder to muffle his cries. "I'm a horrible person Rems; I don't want to drag you down with me. But seeing you like that, it-it made me realise that to live a day without you is to crawl across broken glass for century."

My heart was tearing itself away from the bindings in my body to stay with Sirius, but I was hungry as hell and needed to eat. It was a couple of days before the full moon and I was permanently famished. "Siri, you hungry?"  
"If you're cooking, I'm absolutely starving."  
"Lazy git" I mumbled as I got up to start cooking with a smirk on my face.

An hour later I had served up two heaped platefuls of spaghetti bolognaises and Sirius had achieved absolutely nothing. I rolled my eyes and called him to the table. I'd say that was the fastest he'd moved in 13 years. Taking my seat on the opposite side of the table I began eating like it was the last meal on earth. "Sirius, why did you come looking for me? After how selfish I've been why didn't you just let me go?"  
He shrugged "Didn't want to, couldn't, I had to see you were fine."  
"But I was so insensitive, you were having a hard time and I didn't even try and help"

"Remus, I don't care, I should have come to you, and I'm in the wrong. So shut up, forgive me, eat and then have passionate sex with me until the morning or we collapse from exhaustion." I raised an eyebrow, seriously considering his offer when he gave me an adorable "puppy dog eyes" look.  
"Oh alright then" I sighed, silently getting back to eating. Sirius snickered at my obedience but I knew from experience when he was in a controlling mood like this it went either very well, or ended up incredibly painfully (for me at least) but right now I would take either.


	24. Chapter 24

I rounded the corner with some haste, knowing it would just be me, Severus, and a dead end. I needed to teach him a lesson and one he wouldn't soon forget. If he dares to touch, or let Sirius touch him again I will kill him with no amount of pain spared. He was cowering, in the corner, undoubtedly leaving grease stains on every centimetre of wall he touched. He was turned away, but the gleam on his hair spelled out "Severus Snape" on the wall behind him, like a disco ball.

"HEY, HEY YOU!" I bellowed, he was the only one in the corridor, besides me, so he had to know I was after him. He stopped, mid stride and I carried on "YEAH YOU, SNIVELLUS" He turned around and smiled. As if we were old friends, as if I just wanted a chat, as if he was going say "Hey, Rems, how's it going?" I grabbed him by the throat and forced him against the wall "DON'T YOU DARE SMILE AT ME, YOU BASTARD"

"R-remus, OW OW, that hurts, l-let go of me, what are you doing?" I dropped him after repeatedly smashing his head against the wall and he sunk to the floor. I kicked him mercilessly as his simpers died to give way to howls of pain. Harshly, I dropped all of my weight (not that there was much of it) onto him, to stop him from moving; and began to hit him hard around the face. "Please, stop, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he cried.

"NO, SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!"  
"Oooooow, ow ow ow, please gett off me, it really hurts" I carried on punching and clawing at his face.  
"AND YOU THINK I DON'T HURT YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND" One particularly furious jab left me entirely certain I had broken at least 2 knuckles of my wand hand.

Sirius, the cause of this came sprinting around the corner, "What are you doing Moons, get off him" I thought of a million hurtful and some witty things to quip back at him but settled for the ever-effective "FUCK OFF SIRIUS"

He brought himself over and easily constricted my arms and wrenched me from my victim, casting me aside to tend to my now agonising hand. I clutched it tight to my chest as Sirius turned "NO! Grow up,you can't always get everything you want!"

"Yeah, you're right Sirius, and why is that? Because I'm not rich, I'm not pureblood, I'm not human, so all in all I'M NOT YOU"

He rolled his eyes and turned to Snape, who was weakly leant against a wall. He was nearly crying and his jaw was at a jaunty angle, "Are you alright?" Sirius murmured. I'd had enough of this. I stormed off up to the common room hoping maybe Lily was there. She always knew what to do and what to say and even if she had a go at me about it, I knew it was the right thing and what a deserved. Therefore, benefitting me in the long run. So basically I needed to see her.

She, thank Merlin, was in the common room and saw my hand straight away; she rushed over and led me, by the arm, to the sofa. "What did you do? Episkey" She gasped, fixing my hand better than I could've "Thanks, um, you might hate me but please, you're all I've got right now. I did it beating up Snape."

"Merlin, Remus, why did you do that?" I squared up my shoulders "He stole Sirius off of me, and I had to let him know he couldnt get away with it." I confessed. She sighed but surprised me entirely with her next remark "Fair enough, c'mon we've got a Transfiguration essay in for tomorrow," I groaned, I was meant to start that earlier, but other things had stolen my attention, amongst other things.

I was about 2 inches away from finishing my paper when Sirius strutted in, I could tell by his arrogant gait. An exciteable, if not priggish 5th year bounced over to him "Hi are you new? Is this your ho-" then her voice crackled like a radio losing signal and more girls bounced over "You. Cut. You're. Hair. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Can I touch it?" No, I thought defensively, thats my boyfriends hair. "Yeah sure, I thought I would have a NEW START" the venom coated words dug into my skin like snake bites. So much so I accidentally snapped my quill. I quickly hid it as Sirius turned to look at me from across the room, I ignored him. "But go on, knock yourself out, it's not special at all."

For a quarter of an hour Sirius was mobbed by girls, all stroking his hair and babbling questions. One struck me as a bit unusual "Hey, Sirius, um, what are you doing with the rest of your hair?" He laughed "Let me show you." He muttered, He strolled over to me and wrapped his arms around me from behind, softly, like he used to when he wanted something, normally sex. He dropped the balled up mess of hair onto my homework and rested his chin on my shoulder. "I think this is yours" He whispered, the words laced with so much malice I nearly broke down right there. Did he really despise me that much? So much that he would cut off his hair, and leave it for me. As a stark and unfriendly reminder of our numerous days and nights together. And how that finished with one deadly swipe of scissors. He withdrew himself and strutted proudly upstairs, marking his territory as the dorm.

I somehow mahaged to hold all of my emotions in until the last person left to sleep at that point I bawled and bawled until Lily came down and hugged me in her arms until I had cried myself well and truly out.

"He's doing this to get at me Lily, and I can't help it, he is going to break me and I don't want him to have the satisfaction of knowing his plan worked."

"I know, honey, I know, and we are going to get him back, no matter how far we have to go to do it. It is going to happen. Are you with me?" I nodded and she kissed my forehead. "now get some sleep, we have scheming to do."


	25. Chapter 25

Semi-conciously I squashed the man I loved against me with all the strength I had. my legs wove around his body and I pressed my head to his spine. His hand awkwardly fluffed up the back of my hair and he muttered a drowsy good morning. Rid of the power of speech I merely held him tighter, threatening to always hold him captive. I nestled my head into his cheek and snuggled there, even though a mass of stubble scratched my cheek. He layed still, grinning for a few too short moments before he cautiously manoevered himself from my grasp. Obviously he thought I was still asleep. The world was a cold place without Sirius to share heat with.

But for all my conciousness knew I could be dreaming, the cold clawing at my naked body the only real thing at the moment. Sirius being there could have been a pleasant fiction.

I stretched out, my joints clicking into place and got out of the ancient, yet comfy bed. I managed to find some navy blue boxers, and someones shirt, could've been either of ours and flung that over my arms. Rubbing my face, and hoping to adjust to the imposing sunlight I leant against the doorframe, succumbing to the smell of bacon and eggs. I managed to spot a cleaned up and well dressed Sirius standing by the hob, prodding sizzling food. "Oh, fantastic, I thought you'd run off without so much as a backwards glance." He grinned irresistably in my direction.

"Nah, just making breakfast-I thought I'd let you lie in. I'm going later though, so don't get too excited." A meat cleaver came down upon my happiness and it was executed, there and then. His mouth fell open a tiny bit and then he turned to me, remorse in his gaze. "Oh...Rems, don't look like that...I _have_ to go"

"Why?" I growled " I thought you made it incredibly clear yesterday that I was essential to your life? What could be more important than staying here with me?" I questioned, barking out like a wounded animal. He poked the bacon and it hissed porfoundly at us both.

"It's Harry-He's in shit, deep shit, he needs me and my support. You told me I had to be nice to him." He accused concentrating on the hob.

"There's nice and there's _nice_ Siri, I never insinuated you should give him a blow job when he gets stuck on his charms homework." I hissed, sounding identical to the bacon. He furiously jabbed it and it spat at him. Sirius wheeled round to face me, astoundment fresh in his eyes, making them an indescribably light grey colour, that were somehow dark and threatening at the same time. "I am not giving him a blow job because he can't do his homework" He ran his hand under the now on tap to cool his burn, "He's been having problems with his scar, is dreaming about You-Know-Who a lot and now, to put the cherry on the cake he somehow got into the Tri Wizard tournament" He sidled back up to the pan and tipped the contents onto two plates. The food was black around the edges, and the middle, and everything in between, but I wasn't fussy. "We both think You-Know-Who is back, or coming." Merlin did I feel bad. I gnawed on my lip and looked down at the floor "Ah..I'm sorry...D-Do you really think he is?" he solomnly nodded, passing a plate over, complete with cutlery. I would take any excuse to divert the conversation right now, so I scarfed down the blackened "food".

"I didn't want to believe it at first, he sent me a letter, after you left, I couldn't really consult you though" I leant over and kissed his shaven cheek. "You did the right thing." These meagre words were all my shocked system could manage by the way of comfort, but it seemed to work.

"Yeah...he's just done the second task and he's still alive so things are looking up, I guess." Something flicked on in my head and at once I was panicking "How do you know this? Where are you hiding? Don't get caught Siri...I can't go through another 12 like the last ones" I burbled, my eyes scanning his face for any trace of risk being taken.

"You worry too much Rems, Im staying in a cave near to the grounds. I dont know everything that goes on but its safer than strutting about everywhere. And Im sure Dumbledore wont turn me in if he finds me." I put my almost finished breakfast down and hugged him, remembering his scent, his height, the way he felt in my arms, as if it were the last time we were together.

"For Merlin's sake be careful, I will not have you dying on me, I won't ever forgive you if you do, d'you know that?" I held him at arms length and stared him down. He smiled, lines around his eyes from harsh years without me by his side, and the years before that, where every minute was filled with laughter, growing deeper "Wouldn't dream of it" He stared at the food on his plate as if it were a flobberworm. I finished the rest of mine and moved to wash my plate up. He handed me his with a resigned sigh. I handed it back to him.

"What did I just tell you, you aren't dying on me. Having your soul sucked out by a dementor isn't the only way to go, starving counts too." He smirked, as if I had just given him a glorious idea. He put his food on the worktop and leapt on me, my plate was dropped and smashed as he bit down on my lip and his lips then proceeded to roam all over my face and neck. His tongue gliding along my jugular, that held the racing liquid that kept my existance intact. Then he stopped, and my knees nearly gave out from the pleasure. He stared up, longingly into my blue eyes. "How could I starve when I have such a tasty looking Remus Lupin here in front of me?"

I grinned, he was probably the only person who ever existed who would think of calling me 'tasty'. But wasnt that why I loved him so very much? I bent down and kissed him deeply on his awaiting and open lips.

After leaning over to his ear and letting my tongue play with that for a while I whispered; "Turned to cannibalism now, have we, we can't have that, perhaps if we satiate your hunger for me once and for all you might have a chance at returning to normality."

"Impossible" he panted "I will always hunger for you Remus Lupin"

"Well, we can give it a go anyway" I snarled huskily, feeling a dear little friend of his twitch against my thigh. I laughed and towed him back to where we had been laying less than an hour ago.

"Sirius, you know what is really annoying?" I groaned. He shook his head against my chest, that I was cradling him against. "That the years when we had the best stamina were when you were in Azkaban." he laughed tiredly "I know, that sucks" I kissed the top of his head "We've got each other now though." he sighed, "but regrettably I have to go support a 14 year old who is facing death right now." I clutched him to me tighter. "NO NO NO NO stay here please," I begged, kissing him gently, mulltiple times. "Rems, I have to, and I would love to stay here with you, but I can't" He got up, and I followed his example getting dressed and meeting him by the door. I took him up into my arms and got swept away in a passionate kiss.

"I'll be back soon my darling" He called as he descended the stairs out of my sight.


	26. Chapter 26

It had been a month since Sirius had started seeing Snape secretly, and I was having trouble coping without him. The only time him and I made direct contact was when I was my other self and he was trying to calm me down. But that was it. No outsider would know that we were ever in a relationship, hell no outsider would know we were even friends.

I was sat on the window of the Gryffindor common room, the map sprawled across my lap watching one name in particular, even though it hadn't moved in 20 minutes now. I knew what he was doing and was so envious, especially since, 3 minutes ago a certain other name had wanddered into that room. Sirius was playing the piano. Snivellus was listening. Maybe Sirius was playing the piano for Snape and that was the source of my obscene jealousy. He had NEVER played for me, he'd mentioned he could, but had never offered to play me anything. Not in a year of our relationship, whereas in one month of theirs he had.

And now Snape was so close to Sirius that his name was completely hidden by the piece of scroll that taunted me constantly "Severus Snape". I did not know what they we're doing, but it cerntainly was not arm wrestling. Someones hot breath glided down my neck and upon turning I realised it was James. "What's going on? You and Padfoot haven't spoken in ages, I know you broke up but c'mon can't you move past that and be friends?"  
"Not when he's dating Severus Snape we can't." I growled. James staggered backward for a few steps, "Nah, you're kidding, Sirius would never..." I shoved the map into his face and he gasped. I stormed off upstairs and threw myself onto my bed. James put a hand on my shoulder "Moony, don't let him get to you, you can't seriously believe he likes Snivelly. He's just trying to piss you off."

"Yeah, well, it's working." I snarled sitting up to glare at James. "I hate him, I hate him so much." James chuckled. "Well, he can't be shagging Snivellus and still be our friends right, we have a rep to uphold. It makes me sick just the thought of it."  
"You and me both Prongs, you and me both." He rolled his eyes and I gritted my teeth, "How does he expect me to even look at him again, knowing what he's done, and with who." James laughed and patted me on the back "You'll fill his postion nicely I think" He shook my hand and grinned maliciously "So when's our next bout of Snape baiting, I can't wait for my official debut."  
"From what I've heard you've already started." I sighed and flexed my hand, I gazed out towards the window and noticed it was getting dark. James walked off and brought me back the map, dropping it into my lap, "He's moved," James stated exhaustedly. "Looks like they're heading to the Slytherin dorms."  
"WHAT?" I shrieked, searching the map for the two specific names. The jumped out at me and were running, running towards, as James had said, the dorms. "I can't watch this, mischeif managed." I slurred, throwing the map across the room. But it was paper, and I hadn't used my wand. So it floated idly to my feet and I could see the exact footprints that Sirius and Snape were making. In a moment of stupidity I swept it up and stomped down to the common room. Determined to wait up for him I settled into a armchair by the fire. Pointedly I glared at the flames, wondering if Sirius would cry if I set myself on fire and died. Would he mourn me, seek comfort in Severus's arms. Probably, we'd been through a lot, but I decided against burning myself, it would just pave the way for Snape to steal my Sirius, and I was not going down without a fight. A spark spat out and lept onto my foot, It immediatly went red but pain was just an illusion and I could not feel it's solidarity anymore. Pain was the only thing that told us we were alive, so did this make me dead.

And lo the beast looked upon the face of beauty...and beauty stayed his hand, and from that day forward he was as one dead.

Was I the beast, the beast that beauty killed? Was I just a dead man walking? It had not been the beast within me that had killed me, not the cruelty and discrimination of mankind, not all the weapons in the world, but the beauty of Sirius Black.

I had a creeping suspicion I was. I was already dead or as good as. But I really didn't care anymore. He had killed me, and he would have to live with that for the rest of his life. Turning me into a suicidal teenager. Well, good luck with that Mr Black. I wish you well but I fear my life lies on a different path entirely. I wish you and Mr Snape the best.

Whatever.

Sirius stumbled in, a wicked grin across his euphoric face. "Hey, Rems, you not asleep yet?" I shook my head, my lips pressed to a hard, tight line.  
"Where have you been, like I want to know" I hissed. "With Snape" he popped the "P" to add emphasis and I turned back to the fire. "Oh, c'mon Moony, what are you my mother?"  
"I thought I was your boyfriend" I mumbled,  
"Oh I'm sorry 'I don't want a pompous, discriminating, pure blood who judges people on their species' the new way to say I love you is it?"  
"I didn't mean it" I gasped "I was under a lot of strain and I couldn't cope, I took it out on you, I'm sorry," I whimpered. I was such a weak excuse for the male species. "Well you've learnt your lesson now haven't you, you're all alone and I'm perfectly happy."

"Oh, Sirius, I'm not alone, and I am perfectly happy, I'll have you know"

"Who's the poor guy who has to put up with you."  
"Girl, and she's Lily Evans." He gawped as Lily poked her head around the corner, "Who called me?" She chirped. Sirius turned slowly and I mouthed "Pretend we're dating" behind his back. She grinned "Oh that was just me, honey" I said sweetly. She smiled back and walked over in very small pyjamas. I could definitely see the perks of being straight now, two of them to be precise. She strutted over and kissed me fully on the lips. I was astounded but quickly snapped into action. My hands found themselves cupping her arse quite nicely and then lifting her up to wrap her legs around my waist. Sirius fake vomited and vacated the room. I let her down and leant over to her ear "Thank you, can we please keep this up a bit, I want him to suffer." she nodded. And because we both knew Sirius was trying to listen in she said quite clearly "Goodnight, Rems, honey, I'll see you tomorrow" And then we made out loudly for at least 2 minutes before actually going to bed.

I felt a warm hand run through my hair and twist strands around their fingers gingerly. As if they were guilty or not meant ot be there, ready to yank themselves back at the slightest disturbance. So I was careful not to make one. "It hurts Remus...not to know what's going on in your head...what you're dreaming, it must be wonderful, like every other part of you, like they should be, with all manner of creatures. Is there a prince there? How would he say he loves you?" He paused, breathing in deeply and withdrawing his hand. "I bet it's not by running off with another man" I rolled onto my back, instead of my side and knew I was baring my naked chest to him. I heard him lick his lips and and edge a little nearer "Please, oh Merlin, please, it's been a month! A week, whatever, well maybe a struggle, but a month is just insane. I can't cope, can't you let me apologise and fall into your arms again. Can't we at least be friends." He put his head next to mine and I experienced the pleasure of his scent teasing my nostrils. "Why can't I go when you tell me to leave you alone?" He placed a quick kiss on my forhead and scurried off to bed.


	27. Chapter 27

It was the day after Harry's last tournament and Sirius was fretting, and a dog. He hadn't gone human all day and I wanted to know why. He'd always said he could cope with things better as a dog. I didn't believe him; he just wanted to avoid conversation.  
At the moment he was laid at my feet as I sat on the sofa, wringing my hands out of anxiety. Sirius nudged his nose under my arm and it slid down his back. "Siri, this isn't helping, we both know Harry is facing that alone, and you being a dog isn't helping either of us." He whimpered and I stroked his head. "You are a lot nicer as a dog y'know Siri, sweet." His head was a familiar weight on my knee, and even though most of the time we spent together we were both human, I knew the way it felt and that was a familiar relief to me. To have him close after so many long years apart. I brought my lips down on the top of his head quickly and he licked my face "Sirius, you are disgusting" I complained, pushing his nose away. He jumped up onto the sofa and continued to lick my face."Siriuuus, get off the sofa" I laughed, trying to push him away, but he persistantly laid down with his head on my thighs. "Hey, you do not know how much of a pain dog hair is to get out, so get off." I said sternly. He rolled on his back, still parcially on my lap, legs bouncing subtly in the air "Not funny" I moaned, tracing random patterns on his stomach. His tongue lolled out the side of his mouth and I laughed "Classy Siri, real classy." I sat there, daring to imagine what Harry must be going through right now. Sirius's hair twirled and caught between my fingers as he rolled onto his side and got comfy. All alone in an infinite maze. And with the events of the Quiditch world cup, who knew what was out there after him.

I woke up to the door knocking, and Sirius...still a dog curled next to me on the sofa. I shot up and Sirius made some noise that was halfway between a human grumble and a canine whimper. He rolled into the space I had been previously occupying and I walked warily to the door. I groaned and ran a hand through my hair as I pulled the door open to reveal a certain Professor Dumbledore stood casually outside our flat. "Um, hi, Professor. What brings you here?"  
"Actually I was hoping to talk to you about Harry, you plural of course." Oh Merlin, he wasn't hurt was he. I felt a hand on my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze and I jumped "Rems, you wouldn't mind making us all a cup of tea would you?" I was frozen, running through the possibilities. Was he dead, had he gone mad. Whatever he needed, me and Sirius could give it to him, a loving family, a sense of home. We could provide all that for him. "Rems, please, hon." He pleaded, kissing my cheek. I walked offf, scowling at Sirius, I was as much a part of this as he was and he couldn't shut me out forever. I made the tea hastily and sat next to Sirius once it was served, clutching his hand increasingly tighter and tighter as the suspense built. After a long sip of the brown liquid, Dumbledore looked up "He's fine" I exhaled and released my captive. Sirius flexed his hand, wincing as the bones clicked back into place. "So...uh...no offence sir but why are you here?"  
"We have to get the Order back together." I put my head into Sirius's shoulder, the last time the Order got together I lost Sirius, Lily and James, and me and Sirius hadn't exactly been on good terms before that event. We had fought a lot and it proved to be the breakdown of any trust between us. I could not let that happen again. I needed him now more than ever. His hand wove itself into my hair and Dumbledore shifted awkwardly. I sat up "I'm sorry, that wasn't a good time for me, are you sure, he-he's back" I gasped, trying and failing to regain composure. "Harry was saying so, and he came back with the body of another student. Diggory, Cedric Diggory. So yes, I am almost certain Voldemort is back." I leant back on the sofa, gawping I had taught Cedric, he was a bright student. And to go like that, in that way. And Harry had to see that, I could not even imagine the things that boy had been through. "I taught him" I whispered. Sirius turned, "What?" I took in a deep breath and leant my elbows on my knees, burying my head in my hands. "I taught him. Sirius, I taught him" I breathed. Dumbledore got up as I walked off to the bedroom to clear my head and heard Dumbledore make his way to the door. "Oh and one more thing, Sirius," Then it all went too hushed for me to hear. I was pacing. I wandered around, picking up the clothes on the floor. In one pair of Sirius's trousers something fell out and clattered to the floor. I bent down and picked the little golden ring up, twisting it between my fingers and sat down on the bed, disbelieving. Could this be that Sirius was going to propose? He walked through and stopped dead. "Sirius, what is this?"  
"Uh...um...well, Rems...before you left, I brought the ring and was...uh...going to propose. But now,"  
"You're not." I said bluntly. My heart crunching under the force of despair. He walked over and put an arm over my shoulders "Remus, we're facing some tough times. Voldemort is coming back. Harry needs us. We can't go running off and getting married, just like that, things are changing. But not in a good way, not like us getting married would change it. No, we need to stay the same if everything else isn't, but if we weren't to tell anyone, if it were just us in on it...Rems, I love you, will you marry me, or whatever it is that we do?" I laughed as he got down on one knee and took the ring off me, only to place it back on my finger. "Nice, romantic Siri, 'or whatever it is that we do' you're a real hopeless romantic." He rolled his eyes.  
"Will you hurry up and say yes already?"  
"I thought that was obvious. Of course I will" I spluttered through the tears of pure happiness weaving in a strange dance down my cheek. He cupped my face in his hand and wiped away my tears with his thumb before kissing me with all the passion in his system. One of his hands was playing with the ring on my finger, but I quickly lifted that hand up and matted it shamelessly in his hair. As much as I wanted this to go further, we needed to get the order together. And now. I peeled Sirius off me and walked through to the lounge. "Where do we start? Siri, my brains gone to fuzz, what are we meant to do?" He staggered through, "We are first going to go to Grimmauld Place, and get that place cleaned up." I clutched his hand in mine and pulled him from the house.


	28. Chapter 28

I sat on the floor of Sirius's new flat, wanting so bad just to leave and curl up in a ball of despair. I had lost my Sirius, and the only way to get him back to me was to pretend to be with Lily, which had lost me, not only Sirius, but also James's friendship. Who was currently stirring a bowl of creamy brown stuff with a passionate force.

"Siriiiiuuus, I have been stirring for ages, my arm hurts and THE LUMPS WON'T COME OUT!" He yelled. Sirius took the bowl, shifting Snape off his legs and onto the floor. I ground my teeth at the thought of what they had done together. He was mine, and no-one would ever take that fact away. He began to spatter it everywhere in an attempt to stir it, and Lily licked off a chunk that hit my cheek in a kiss. I grinned and coughed in an annoying fashion. "Some of those chucks are chocolate chips." I sighed. An echo of "Ahhh yes" from all my drunken friends reverbirated from around the room. I was probably the only sober one, or sober ish. "Well whatever, it needs more..." He grabbed at the bottle and squinted at the writing "Wh-wh-whisk-eeey-" he pronounced phonetically. He tipped the entire contents of the bottle into the mixture and I gasped. "Siri-us" I added quickly, calling his Siri would not help my "over you" act. "It's going to be disgusting" I declared, "disgusting" Sirius repeated. He stopped, looking upwards, biting his lip in thought.

"MIRANDA" he exclaimed. Lily grinned widely at him and he squared his chest up proudly "It is agreed" He slurred. I rolled my eyes "What's agreed Sirius?".  
He sighed exaparatedly. "Mi-ran-da." He said as though I was an idiot. He stared at Lily as though she spoke "Yes...it is agreed...Miranda!"  
Snivellus turned around and mouthed "miranda" into the still air. "Miranda!" Sirius yelled, as if it were a blessing, so joyously it could have been a holy word. I comandeered the bowl and poured it's questionable contents into a huge baking tray.

After half an hour of baking the monstrosity I pulled it out of the oven and sliced it into wonky squares. Everyone took a fearful and experimental bite, and Lily immeadiately went green. She hurtled off to the bathroom and I followed her, if only to piss Sirius off and hold her hair. When we got into the bathroom she instantly picked up and turned to me, lacing her arms around my neck and kissing me ferociously.  
Her hands took off my clothing and I reciprocated the action.

After both of us had finished I took her hand and picked up her clothes "C'mon lets go back to mine, Sirius won't be too pleased when he finds out what we've done" I giggled. She followed me out and we were within running distance of my house. I think my parents were so happy I had a "girlfriend" they wouldn't care what we did. I took her up to my room and she sat down on my bed  
"I see why Sirius can't keep his hands off you Rems. You're amazing." I ran my hands through my hair "I miss Sirius" I moaned. She walked over and kissed my cheek "I know you do, but I'm not sure this is the right thing anymore." she confessed, hugging me. "You've made James jealous and now you want to date him, right?" She grinned mischeviously and nodded.  
"But I am not going back there tonight, Sirius will rip my head off." I grinned "You can stay. It's no problem" she smiled "I love you, Rems, you're the best." she yawned.  
"Take my bed" I suggested, "I don't think I'll get much sleep anyway. The thought os Sirius and Severus is making me a little sick to be honest."  
"Ooh, possesive much" she sighed, taking my bed and sliding under the covers without another word. About ten minutes later her quiet and steady breaths told me she was asleep. I lied down on my tidy and clear floor, I was the type to keep things in order and tidy. Sirius wasn't. He never had been, oh, how much I missed him. I missed his touch and his hair and everything. Anything about him there was. I missed it.

My back clicked against the hard wood floor, and I looked over at Lily, her auburn hair splayed over my bed. James was a lucky guy, even though me and her were just friends, if he didn't look after her I would have to beat him up until he did.

The sun was peeking over the horizon and I wondered what Sirius was doing...then realised I probably didn't want to know. I sat up, after a whole 5 minutes sleep and put my head into my hands, beginning to cry. I could not handle life without Sirius, there was a gaping hole in my stomach that Severus just kept making bigger, soon there would be two parts of Remus Lupin. The torso, the legs, and the black hole in between. Lily rubbed her head and sat up "Remus, is that you?" I sniffed loudly and nodded "Yeah" my voice broke on the last part and at once Lily's arms were around me "Oh, oh Rems, come on, he isn't worth it, he has never deserved you, I hate seeing you like this, I swear I will do anything I can to get him to redeem himself, and you two back together. I know he isn't worthy, but you without him is just unnatural. It wont last" She assured. I nodded, though I thought that was highly unlikely. Sirius seemed so infatuated with Snape at the moment, it was likely to not break down until I was on my knees crawling to him and begging for him back.

She brought herself to her feet and pulled me up to take me downstairs for breakfast. "I'm not hungry" I mumbled. She slapped me, hard "You are not starving yourself on some sort of crazy hunger strike until Sirius comes back to you. It's not healthy."  
"BEING WITHOUT SIRIUS IS NOT HEALTHY, WHY WILL NOT EATING MAKE A DIFFERENCE" I bellowed. Lily put her hands on her hips and glared at me. "Please, Rems, eat. For me." I crossed my arms ferociously and turned away "No. And that is final"  
"You're an idiot Rem-" we were interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. Snape was stood, red faced and panting at my door. I was so close to slamming the door in his simpering little face. He seemed to guess my intentions, for he gathered enough breath and strength to stand up straight and face me. Pleading in his dull black eyes.

"Please...Remus...you're the only one...help...he's gone...he's gone...MAD"


	29. Chapter 29

I stared at the wreck in front of us as we opened the door to Grimmauld Place. We had a lot of work to do. Sirius groaned like the floorboards as he walked in "I hate this place" He whinged. I turned on the spot and took his face in my hands. "I'm sure I can make it better Pads." I kissed him and he brought his hands to rest on my shoulders and pull me closer. My arms were now around his waist, pulling the small of his back into me. He pulled away and rested his head on my shoulder "Not even you can make this place better Rems." I winked at him and walked off "You'll see. Now get on the phone to Arthur, him and the Mrs are the first people we need around here." He grinned somewhat lacklusterly and I shook my head at his errant lack of enthusiasm.  
"Sirius, do it. Or I will. And I'll tell them our little secret." I grinned, flashing my hand in his direction. "No, no, no, no. Ok, we'll tell them at some point, but not now. Not when this whole thing is just starting." I smiled, he was always so thoughtful, I would have just rushed in and screamed it at everyone I was so happy. He was a lot more collected.

I took a long stroll around the house, assessing the rooms that needed the most work, the ones we could leave for a bit. I wandered up the stairs to a set of heavy velvet curtains. My curiosity got the better of me and I opened them. A portrait of Sirius's mother hung still beneath them. She turned to look at me with a look of horror and disgrace. "You? YOU FILTHY HALF BLOOD HALF BREED! IN MY HOUSE! GET OUT GET OOOOOOUT!" She shrieked. I smirked through the headache I was getting. I put my hand up and she looked like she was going to faint. I brushed my hand across her greenish face and she sucked in a huge breath "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME, YOU FILTHY, DISGUSTING HALF BREED. SIRIUUUUUUS, ARE YOU IN HERE, YOU BLOOD TRAITOR, HOW DARE YOU PROPOSE TO THAT THING, THAT BEAST." Sirius had joined me, "Oh, mother dearest, he is a beast, but not in a way I'm going to tell YOU about, is it ok if we use your bed?" He added snidely, kissing me quickly before strolling off to the other parts of the house. I sighed "It's a pity you can't come to the wedding, your prescence will be greatly missed"  
"GO ON, GO ON YOU MONSTER, RIP MY SON APART WHEN YOU CHANGE. HE'S NOT MY SON ANYMORE ANYWAY. GO ON KILL HIM, HE DESERVES IT. AND YOU, YOU WILL NEVER BE A PART OF MY FAMILY" I laughed.

"Oh, but I will" I murmured, before flicking my wand to close the curtains and wandering off to other parts of the house, with a distinctive skip in my step. Sirius joined me in teh next room and we collapsed, laughing, onto the bed "Oh I feel so welcomed into the Black family." I giggled. A cupboard to our right rattled and I rolled my eyes. "Whaddya reckon it is?" I mumbled. He shrugged, "I think we might need Moody, or at least his eye, so he can see what it is. If that's more dangerous than we think you are not dying on me." I grinned, "OK, we'll wait. But we need to make a start somehow."  
"Well I am going to phone Arthur." He said matter-of-factly, and he got up and left. I rolled my eyes and I also got up, wondering what to do. Surely once the Order were back together we would have more to do, but now it was just getting them all together. It's like those awkward minutes before a party, when you're waiting for guests to arrive but you're all alone. Except this was an entirely different atmosphere. "Hi, Arthur, thanks for the warning about the Ministry, really saved us there." He paused "Well thats what I called to talk about...umm we're getting the Order back together, we need you and Molly to get to Grimmauld Place-well as soon as really. Of course bring the children when they get back. Not Harry, not yet. And get whoever else you can, you can trust, yes, goodbye" I crept up behind him and caught him in a hug from behind. He turned his head towards mine, which was resting on his shoulder. He kissed whatever part of my face he could reach and I squeezed him against me tighter. "Can we just forget everything and stay exactly like this, forever" he sighed, leaning his head back into my chest, now I was standing up straighter. "I'm all up for that." I whispered, he shivered as my lips brushed his jawline and feasted upon his ear. "I love you, Sirius Black," I whispered. He turned within my arms and kissed me deeply. I twirled a few strands of his mahogany-coloured locks between my fingers and hugged him tightly against me. He was running a couple of fingers lightly in untraceable shapes over the nape of my neck and my hands were well and truly lost in his hair now, and it didn't seem likely that we would stop anytime soon.

The door knocked and we both looked up sharply, scared that we had been discovered, but by who neither of us knew. Sirius walked to the door, biting his red lips. He opened the door slowly as I leant in the doorway to the kitchen. Arthur stood before him, grinning widely as per usual. "Sirius, glad to see you're well." He greeted my soon to be other half. "Arthur" He ushered Arthur into the house and I shook his hand warmly. "Nice to see you Remus, Molly will be just over, she is still packing." Sirius laughed.  
"She does know we have a kitchen sink right, she can leave that behind." Arthur nodded "I think so, but you can never be sure with her." I laughed and shook my head. "She should be here just before christmas then" I mused. The Burrow wasn't that big, how much stuff could she pack. I glanced around the barren kitchen "I had better probably go get some food, Molly will want to cook when she gets here won't she?" Arthur shook his head "She's bringing food. So could you please explain whats going on?"  
"Harry has been saying that Voldemorts back, and I for one, aswell as Dumbledore believe him, and even if he isn't he is coming, so I think we need to be prepared, and that means calling the Order." Arthur nodded sincerely. "We called Alastair, he's on his way, should be here in a couple of hours."

"Good, we'll need everyone we can get."


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey guys and dolls, Sorry for my errant lack of authors notes lately, no excuse really but laziness, if you are still reading by this point not only thankyou but congrats because I know I would not have the patience to follow a story this far! Keep reviewing please!**

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Severus sat down on my sofa, drinking my water, looking at ME. With guilt of all things. GUILT. Almost like he expected me to forgive him. Ohh, Sirius had kicked him out, broken up with him. Well I could hardly blame him, Severus was a snivelly little git at the best of times. Stealing my Sirius, no wonder I fucked Lily, for one it had obviously got to Sirius, and Snape. He always had a soft spot for Lily, and this had obviously cut him deep.

"He-he was smashing the wall in-yelling about you, and then he said that he could never love me...I wasn't you, and-an-and he threw a ha-hammer at my head." He simpered. I rolled my eyes, "Fine then, it's simple. I gotta go. Try and calm him down." I huffed, getting up and strutting over the door to sort out MY man. The door slammed behind me and I felt my wand in my pocket, grasping it in my hand, ready to fight him if needs be. Something grabbed at my arm and I spun "Remus, you're being stupid, leave him be, you could get hurt," She begged.  
"Go run off to James then. I need to make sure Sirius is ok, I can defend myself," I growled. Snape had run up on my other side. "Remus, really, he was in a state, he threw a hammer at my head, imagine what he'll do to you." he warned.

"I DONT CARE YOU GREASY LITTLE FUCKWIT, FUCK OFF AND LET ME DEAL WITH THE PROBLEMS YOU HAVE CREATED." After 3 steps I realised they were still following me. I spun and stupefied Snape backwards. "AND STAY THERE IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE." I bellowed, strutting off. Lily was half torn between coming to help me and getting Snape up. She ran back to Snape then they both ran after me. "GO AWAY YOU TWO, I DON'T WANT YOU HERE, FOR ONE, YOU-" I turned to glare at Lily "SUGGESTED I PRETEND TO DATE YOU...LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT. AND YOU-" I glared at Snape. "YOU MANAGED TO SEDUCE MY BOYFRIEND INTO THINKING THAT BY LEAVING ME WHEN I TOLD HIM TO YOU WOULD BE A BETTER BOYFRIEND THAN I WAS. WHICH OBVIOUSLY ISNT TRUE. HOW DARE YOU GET IN THE WAY OF ME AND HIM, IF YOU EVER THINK I'M GOING TO FORGIVE YOU THEN YOU ARE VERY MISTAKEN, I HATE YOU, I ALWAYS WILL, HE SHOULD HAVE CAME BACK TO ME,BUT NO, YOU KEPT HIM AWAY." Snape squared up and met me eye to eye.

"You-Remus fucking perfect Lupin- told him to leave, if you had wanted him just to beg and plead to take you back, he loves you so much he probably would've but he thought it was what you wanted, to be alone so he did, to make you happy. And now I bet he regrets it as much as you do, but I don't care, I've had my fun, now if you want to put the deranged pieces of Sirius Black back together, be my guest, because I am certain that I am not touching him again with a barge pole." I spun, wand drawn, circling him like a psychopath. He was flicking his head manically, trying to prepare against my inevitable attack. "You think I'm perfect do you? Really? Well guess what, freak, I'm a FUCKING WEREWOLF." I hissed. He smiled slyly "I know" I stopped, gawping, "What, HOW?" I gasped.

"You, James, Sirius and Peter all disappear at a certain time of the month, you take a day off after every full moon which I have heard James and Sirius talking about, you just sleep. And your nicknames Moony. Doesn't take a genius."  
I huffed and walked off, no longer caring enough to care who he told. I needed Sirius, now, and I was not going to have any more distractions. I flicked my wand at Snape and he was thrown into a wall and knocked out, not for long, but enough to give me a getaway. I stormed away as fast as I could and made it to the flat, to find the door open. Vicious venting vacating the flat.

"REMUS-FUCKING-LUPIN-FUCKING-LILY-AGAINST-MY-FUCKING-WALL!" Was exuding at present. "FILTHY-HALF-BREED-I-HOPE-HE-BIT-HER" I sank against the wall outside the door and started breathing back tears, with the cost being hyperventilation. I sat, trying to calm my breathing outside his door, praying he wouldn't hear. "He...doesn't...ever...want me...back. I..can't...live without...him...I'm sorry...I'm such...a...monster...I kill...everything...I love...and...it's not even...the...werewolfs fault...IT'S ME!" I sobbed, failing to make a single steadied breath. Lily came panting into view, of me and Sirius. She was standing in the doorway. "YOU!" he yelled.


	31. Chapter 31

**Hi again...enjoy! Btw just so you know if you haven't realised, every odd chapter is in the present, every even one in the past...so this is a...?**

**Present! Yay woop woop! Enjoy...**

* * *

"Whats that?" Molly asked as I helped her cook dinner. I raised an eyebrow, thinking she was referring to the oddly shaped carrot she was currently, and magically, chopping. "That, on your hand, is that a ring?" Sirius's head popped around the door and I shoved my hand in my pocket, making the ring disappear, to appear in Sirius's hands. I also tried to make a note with it saying; "Hide this, I'll want it back later." Molly grabbed my wrist and wrenched my hand out of my pocket.

"There's nothing there? Remus, what are you hiding?" I shrugged "Nothing much, do you mind if I go, I need to see Sirius about something." She shook her head, rolling her eyes as I pretty much sprinted out of the room. Sirius was stood against the doorframe of the next room, his face a pallid mask of shock as he reread again and again the note I sent.  
"You don't want it?" He accused, pocketing the ring and storming upstairs. "Sirius, Sirius, don't you walk away from me, Molly noticed, would you rather I told her."  
"Yes I would rather we were engaged at all than not be." I grabbed Sirius wrist. "I didnt want to tell her because you didn't want to, giving the ring to you was temporary."  
"Just like our engagement." He snarled quietly, slipping into the room behind him and slamming the door.

Immeditaly I tried to re open the door. I reached out to touch the handle, when my hand was set on fire. I couldn't even care that my hand wasnt really on fire, it felt like it was. But the problem was I couldn't pull my hand away. Like when you get your hand stuck to ice, it had some enchantment on it, I could not take my hand off. "Ah, for fuck sakes. Sirius, open this door and help me!" I screeched.

The burning bringing tears to my eyes. "Remus, if you're trying to get me to talk to you, it wont work." He huffed. I groaned and tried to pull my hand off harder, without any success. "SIRIUS, HELP ME, ITS SILVER, AND I CANT LET GO." He wrenched the door open, me still attached to it and drew his wand, muttering something which sounded starkly like finite. My hand was released, to clutch it to my chest, a huge red blister already forming. Tears rippled down my face Sirius wrapped his arms around me, and led me into the room. Momentarily forgetting our little spat.

"Wh-why would you have a silver doorknob?" I sobbed, collapsing into his ever warm chest.

"I didn't, my parents must've, without me noticing, so you couldn't get in-into my room" I wiped my face on his shirt and looked around. There was not a bare inch of the wall. Plastered all around the room were posters of muggle bikini models. Sirius blushed, which he rarely did and put his head in his hands "I'm sorry, I was a kid, and I put a permenant sticking charm on them." I slapped him round the back of his head. He stroked my hair and kissed me "But they are not nearly as much of a turn on as you."

He went for my shirt buttons but I stopped him. For one, my hand still hurt like hell, for two he wasn't getting round me that easily. But I could never resisit an opportunity to kiss my Sirius. I brought him in gently and matted both of my hands in his hair, wincing at the sharp shooting pain that caused. Sirius felt my body tense up and pulled away, knocking my tender hand further. "I'm sorry", he took my hand and stroked over the blister, which held the elaborate Black crest on it imprinted into my skin in an unsightly red fashion due to the fact it had been on the doorknob. He kissed it, leaving his lips there as he muttered a strangled "episkey" through the sobs now making lumps appear in his throat.

The intense heat, then frigid cold swept over my hand, and the redness was gone. I wiped Sirius's tears away and brought him into my arms, to kiss him madly. Like we did when we were young and naive and stupid.

He moaned into my mouth, then tilted his head back a little and froze. I whipped my head around just in time to see a lock of ginger hair flick out of the top side of the window. I gasped and got up, beginning to pace the room, mumbling slurs of worry that slid so effortlessly out of my much used lips. Sirius laughed jovially and then caught my wrist and spun me into him. "I have a solution" He murmured sensually slipping his arms around my neck. He fiddled with something unconnected to my body behind my neck then withdrew his hands. Quizzically I looked down at the black cord, threaded through my ring, which then hung around my neck. "Anybody notices...hide it in your shirt." I grinned, ear to ear and flung my arms arund his neck, kissing his face again and again.

"You're" kiss "A" kiss "Genius" kiss "Sirius".

He laughed and kissed me deeply on the lips, and I smiled into his kiss. His grey eyes were filled to the brim with lovng and caring for me. It almost brought me to tears how much he felt for me, and how much I couldn't believe it...still after all these years. He staggered with me over to the bed and fell on top of me. "No Siri, not with all of them in the house." He pouted and I snuggled up next to him.

"Now, its late. I'm tired. There are 2 nights until the full moon, I need all the rest I can get" He smirked crookedly and I rested my head on his chest. He kissed the top of my head and I wrapped my arms around his middle, snuggling like a child into his warm embrace.

"Sweet dreams Moony,"


	32. Chapter 32

I was still sat against the wall, back going numb when Sirius stormed over. Feet taking turns at pounding the floor. He was shaking with rage, pointing at Lily with sore, blistered hands. "You vile disgusting little whore. Get out of my sight!" He hissed. My ears pricked up and I sat up a little straighter. Knowing Sirius hadn't seen me yet. Lily looked up at him with all the hatred her emerald eyes could hold. "Sirius, what are you doing? This is just hurting everyone, you, Rems, Severus-just stop it."

"IT'S ALWAYS THEM ISNT IT! REMS DIDN'T THINK OF ME WHEN HE WAS STEALING YOUR VIRGINITY DID HE?" He inhaled the dusty air, calming and collecting his voice to a scarily normal level. "But you know, if this is just a game to him, fair enough. I'm sure he did what any straight man would do when offered such an experienced slag! And how much did he pay you for your virginity. You know I think I found a bit, smeared on my wall, you can take it and if your feeling guilty you can try and shove it back in there." He stormed off to find something. I got up and followed him into the flat, filled to the brim with rubble. He was on all fours on the floor, and I had no remorse whatsoever on stamping on his back, making him collapse under me.  
"You...you're...a fucking arsehole Sirius." I stammered. Cursing my voice for being so weak. I wanted to threaten him, to make him fear me. He just laid there, in shock, blood from the shards dripping down his face. I lifted my foot off him. Expecting a fight. But nothing happened.

"What? Are you going to lay there forever?" I snapped, my voice gaining some strength. It echoed round the house and reverberated back to me. He shook his head on the lino "If thats possible."

My foot shot out and kicked him, the facade of hating him momentarily disrupted when I saw him wince and double over. I groaned, as if I'd just kicked myself. "You're so pathetic, get up! Stop being such a sissy." I growled, trying to redeem myself.

He barked out a laugh and turned to face me, his eyes icy hard and dangerous. I didn't care anymore. If I weren't going to have Sirius, I might aswell be dead.

"Me...the sissy? I think you've got this the wrong way round,"

"No...you're the only sissy here. I can see why your mother hated you so much."

"Fuck off Remus. Don't bring her into this." He snarled, I laughed, being mean suited me. "I can bring her into it all I want! You looked like her so much when you were having a go at Lily, I guess being a touchy overreactive arsehole runs in the Ancient and Noble House of Black bloodline." I smirked as I saw the rage bubble throughout his body.

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I AM NOT LIKE THAT BITCH!" I slammed my foot onto his stomach and bent over, to wrench him, by the hair up to my face.

"Prove. Me. Wrong." I hissed. He flicked his wand out and jabbed it into my stomach, which had arched back, clinging to my spine like it was it's only hope. Sirius leant up to my ear, as if to kiss it, but cruelly hissed "I think I'd prefer to prove you right."

I laughed, pouting teasingly at him "Awww, how is the ickle wickle baby gonna do it then?" I put on a juvenile voice, telling that it worked by the way Sirius face flashed red, and he extended his wand. "AVADA FUCKING KEDAVRA" he bellowed. No green light. No death. Unfortuneatly I was still here, still having to smell teh odour of stale beer and sex. I sighed and rolled my eyes, fakely inspecting my fingernails.

"Can't even get his spells right! What a kid! C'mon do it, go on, kill me" I said getting more and more heated "GO ON, KILL ME" I roared, if thats really what he wanted, then let him have it. I'd be glad to be rid of this body he'd used and abused over the years. The cursed body. The weak, slim, britte bones. I would have no regrets in losing them. I followed SIrius's gaze lazily to see Severus cowering behind Lily.

A malicious gleam snuck into my grin and my eyes and I turned to face Sirius, who's hair was still in my grasp, pulling mroe and more by the minute. "Ohhh, isn't he going to do it? Scared Snapey's gonna dump you once you're a murderer. Too in love with ol' Schnaps, Snapiekins, Ickle Sevywevy? Gazing at him like that, why are you so angry at me, by the looks of it, mate, we're even"

I glanced at both of them and released Sirius dispondantly, "Can't even retaliate. I glared down at his unusually cowering form "Like I said, PATHETIC."

Sirius got up and threw his head back and laughed. A laugh that shook my brain and scared me.

"What could be so funny at this, a pinnacle of your teenage life?" I emplored overly patronising manner.

He paused, for effect and then pointed his wand straight at my chest. "Sectumsempra." He hissed. A gutteral groan hitched in my throat, and I fell backwards, ripping my own shirt open to reveal the gash opening up my torso. Sirius shot to my side, gasping for breath and trying not to cry.

"Well done Siri, you finally got round to killing me." I rasped, the blood that I was rapidly losing bubbled up my windpipe and gurgled out of my mouth as I lost conciousness to Sirius yelling:

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE SEVERUS DO SOMETHING, HE'S DYING, AND I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE HIM AGAIN." some part of my subconcious mind smiled smugly at the fact he really did love me, after all of the arguements and fights he really did care. But I was probably already dead by now so it didn't really matter.

Twas not the moster within that killed the beast, twas beauty that killed the beast.


	33. Chapter 33

**I keep meaning to do these little A/N thingys but I just forget. So anyway, this is the present, and the next one will be the past just in case you were wondering and just in case I forget. Enjoy and Review please!**

Cold, hard soltiude hit me as I felt and heard Sirius shift away from me. The covers ruffled, the pillow dented. Shuffling into the spot he had left I basked in his sweet musky scent, knowing that I'd have to get up soon. Being the night before my transformation that was a daunting prospect, but I had to. My stomach growled like a lion ready to hunt and it drove me to getting up and dressed in a random shirt and trousers I found.

Oddly the house seemed devoid of Sirius, something I was most disappointed in. If he had left the house, if he had gone outside, where the Ministry could get him, they wouldn't need Dementors; I'd kill him myself. Arthur strolled in, looking curious as always. He stopped and admired the toaster as if it were the Mona Lisa. My azure eyes scraped reluctantly over the smoking blue concoction sitting so innocently on the table. Arthur peeled his eyes from the toaster to ascertain my expression. "That for you?" He asked plainly. Instead of answering I wandered, willing my legs forwards, willing my hands to take up the liquid and down it in one. As much as I wanted to throw this up and never take it again with so many people in range I had to.

I had been all week, it was truly vile but I had to. Courtesy of Mr Greyback. If I ever saw him again I would kill him, but that wasn't in my nature, I was the one who forgave and forget. The one that moved on. The ring was cold against my chest and I put my hand against it, feeling its cool imprint through the shirt on my skin. Arthur sighed heavily and I turned to him, flicking on the kettle as I did so.

"Are you alright, Remus, you look a little ill?" I nodded and leant havily against the worktop, wishing the revolting aftertaste would go away. "Full moon tonight, I'm so tired." I confessed, punctuating with a yawn. I heard heavy thuds against the ancient floorboards and could pick out Sirius's footfalls. I had spent my whole life chasing after him, I could at least take one morning off.

The kettle flicked off with a faint bubbling and a click and I pulled out two mugs "Tea or Coffee, Arthur?" He chose tea, whereas I made myself a black coffee, trying to wake myself up. Once the scorching liquid had dulled it's intensive flame I drank almost all of it, leaving about a quarter to finish later.

The eldest Weasley child srolled through, tying his hair with a leather strap. "When are we sorting out some of the upstairs rooms, I am sick of sharing with the twins, they don't shut up." I gulped down the rest of my tea, hoping that they hadn't mentioned me and Sirius. We would prefer to come out on our own terms.

Bored and alone I wandered back upstairs to make our bed and generally snoop around Sirius's room. I hadn't had much of a look last time and I was curious. The first thing that drew my eye was a picture taken of the four of us. But there was a huge tear mark where Peter once stood.

Looking at it now it was so obvious, me and Sirius's relationship. Just looking on this picture, one of his hands had disappeared around my back and I was subtly leaning into his side. James beamed on, glasses slightly skewed, as normal. I smiled faintly, reminiscing at all of our past days together. Scalding summers and wet winters. All spent in each others warm embrace.

A breeze tore through the window, ruffling papers on the desk and revealing a dark red leatehr bound book. My hands embraced it's soft roughness with tender curiosity. The ties fell away under my persuasive touch, and revealed cream pages littered with Sirius's handwriting.

Every entry was dated and every entry contained my name in one way or another. The whole first section of the book was taken up inn his infatuation with me. To be truthful that was all he held for me at that age; but of course it grew into more. I somehow knew from the start that he was all I ever wanted.

Almost out of compulsion I flipped to later on, to a part of my life I would rather have not endured. It was te section of his life when regrettably (for both of us) Snape had been a regualr occurance.

I glanced over one of the pages. Not coping with more than a brief skim read. Some choice words glued themselves to my concious mind.

"DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF?" A painfully recogniseable voice screeched. I groaned and jogged downstairs and took in the sight in front of me.

_I could actually begin to like Severus and you never know..._

Apparently Sirius wanted to beat Snape to death with none other than his house elf, Kreacher. Trying not to die laughing I put on my stern face. Severus had helped me out a lot, the least I could do was save him from near certain mental scarring.

_...I could actually love him one day..._

"Sirius, drop it, there's a good boy" I said patronisingly, hiding a smirk. "Which one?" He asked exasperatedly. Apparently house elves were heavy nowadays. "Both" I sighed, beginning to get a little annoyed with his errant lack of social etiquette, did he not know how much damage Snape could do to me by messing with the wolfsbane. He was doing me a massive favour, and it would be just like Sirius to wreck that.

_...He could be my answer to getting over Remus..._

"I am not going to bother working out what this was, but both beings look utterly disturbed. I dont think you should go to the meeting. Go do what you were doing earlier, whatever that was." I said, bored of this already.

_...and he's not too bad in bed._

He could hate Snape now all he wanted. Nothing changed the past.


	34. Chapter 34

**_Dudes...Dudettes, pleasepleasepleaseplease REVIEW! I know you're out there, all you people without accounts and all you lucky ducks with accounts all of you please club together and lift me up to 50 reviews, please. I am practically begging you._**

_I groaned, without really giving my voice box permission to do so. Sirius's head popped round the door and I suddenly found the stark reality that I was half clothed, and my trousers were ripped. Certainly it hadn't been a full moon, but what had happened. Dithering through blank empty memories of yesterday that blurred together, all because Sirius wasn't there to share it with me._

_A burgundy trail of crusted dried blood skipped down from my mouth to my hair, where it pooled. My hand felt down my cheek, where the blood had run so freely yesterday, freed from it's fleshy prison of veins by Sirius Black, where it proceeded to trek up my windpipe, leaving the coppery metal residue my tastebuds were feasting on. A taste my body normally savoured for the aftermath of the full moon. _

_This was a first, being cut up and scarred before my time of the month. And by Sirius. The one who I had constantly seen as my protector, protecting me from myself. But now...he was my abuser, scarring me when I had barely deserved it. _

_"Are you ok?" he whispered, cracking the silence like the skin on my stomach. Three red revienes raking over my pallid complexion. I clenched my teeth together "Not entirely, and I need to get home, so if you don't mind not blocking my exit because I would quite like to punch you on my way out." He disappeared and I got up, storming from the flat, a virtual thunder cloud rumbling above my head. _

_It was time to gather my things and head off for Hogwarts, a year without Sirius, our NEWT's and to top it all off, James would hate me. Possibly break all my fingers and then my toes and then my legs, arms, ribs...working his way around my body really. _

So that's what brought me to this...

Smack, right across my cheek. Lily had gasped, James had laughed, my head had rang, and Sirius grabbed my arm and towed me off to an empty set of seats before I did James some real damage. As soon as I was sat down I shrugged Sirius's arm off, knowing that that was probably the last he's touch me all year, except when I wasn't quite human and nor was he. But that wasn't really touching more guarding.

I leant up against the icy glass to sooth my inflamed cheek. But I knew I deserved it, they had been in an on and off relationship forever now, so no-one really knew if they were dating or not, but I guess I had caught Lily on a day where James had decided she was his. As if my life wasn't bad enough as it is.

Well at least I had one thing on my side...this was the last year of school, I could leave and get on with my life, maybe abroad, maybe as far away as I could get from these idiots who I had called friends for years now. An elastic band of guilt snapped against my heart.

They had stood by me when not even my father would, when they had found out about my Lycanthropy they had broken the law to help. He had just yelled at me, instilling in me that it was my fault, I deserved it and no-one would ever love me. But at least I had proved thatlast one wrong. Or had I, had Sirius ever truly given up on James, was I just a meaningless substitute, and was he a better actor than I gave him credit for.

These thoughts almost brought me to tears, but I had to stay strong, because now it was me against Sirius, and one of us was going to crumble first. And for once it was not going to be me.

He was sitting opposite, head held high in a dominating gesture, you could really see the family resemblance when he was in one of "those" moods. And he was just a tad irresistable too, but I needed to not let him see how his devastating good looks were having an effect on me.

I closed my eyes and pretended to drift off, coat pulled up around myself to protect me from the icy September English weather. As far as I could tell Peter came and sat next to me, explaining that because James was now head boy, he rode in a different carriage.

Thank God for that. The train ride would be unbearable anyway, without James adding to the malicious atmosphere. Well, I had better start resigning for eternal soltiude now, the only man who had ever loved me had run away, and when I tried to get him back he cut me to ribbons. And now I wasn't even sure he had ever loved me.

Life's tough when you're not entirely human. Now I knew what most animals felt like, humans bulldozing over their homes, lives, making it impossible to move on. And for my species, I had a feeling things were going to get worse before they got better.

I might aswell hand myself into the ministry for euthanasia, simple, the ministry would be glad to be rid of one more werewolf in their world...and it would be a painless end to my suffering, thats for certain.

I sighed and thought of my mother, the one who had tried every remedy, every old wives tale, save shooting me to bits with silver bullets to cure my lycanthropy, but nothing worked. She would miss me. She'd be the only one.

I had barely realised the train had been moving at all, let alone pulsing at alarming speeds through British countrysides. The green blurs outside the window reminded me starkly that I was incredibly small in the grand scheme of things. My life didn't really matter. Neither did my pains, my troubles, there were people out there in worse situations than me. And a girl had just walked into our carriage. Who was she? Sirius sat up a little straighter, if that was possible, and I arched an eyebrow.

"H-hi, uh, I, um heard you were, um single, would y-you go out with me?" She stuttered in the direction of Sirius. A devilish grin spread across his face, and I knew it was aimed at only me. It was like I had an invisible barrier around me. His dagger glares and evil smiles couldn't get through. Then I realised something...this meant I was over him.

I got over Sirius Black. I pushed my coat to one side and grinned back. "I would love to" he muttered, she skipped off to her bitch friends grinning and squealing. I rolled my eyes.

"What Rems, annoyed that I get girls falling at my feet and you don't" I leant forward and patted his shoulder patronisingly. "Sirius, I thought you of all people would know that it isn't girls I want...and I wouldn't betray myself like that, because after all it's you who is going to be hurt by all of this."

He huffed in defeat and I grinned and leant back into my seat, grabbing the Daily Prophet off Peter and pretending to read it to hide my grin.

Maybe this year would be fun after all.

**Hey me again, please review, that little button press it, it doesn't have to be anything special. Just please do it! **


	35. Chapter 35

**Still no more reviews! Ok, it's ok, I'm writing this for the fun of it, not for reviews, yet a few more would be nice! In the present, again! **

The meeting had finished, just now, and I hadn't the foggiest idea where Sirius had been, or what he had been doing whilst the meeting had been going on, but he wasn't there. It may sound strange but I missed him, it had only been a couple of hours at most but I missed him like a fish misses water.

So here I was, wandering the house, in search of my seemingly long lost love. Suddenly, two hands shot out from some unknown crevice and a husky voice at my ear sent shivers cascading down my spine. "I've been waiting for you." It uttered silikly, staggering backwards into an oversized linen cupboard.

As soon as I was released I turned, appreciating the form in front of me. "Siri, were you really waiting in a cupboard for me to walk past?" He nodded proudly, as if this were some huge achievement. "What if that wasn't me? What if you just kidnapped some stranger like Fred, or George, or Bill. Sirius what if it was Molly, she'd kill you." He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist and snuggled into my chest. "I knew it was you, Rems, I know you too well. I could tell by your breathing, the footsteps, everything. It was one short of having a flashing sign floating above your head"

I hugged him back, relishing in the sweet surrender of this predicament. He leant up and kissed me, a timeless, ageless taste balancing so rewardingly between both of our tongues.

His careless hands roamed over my body, under my shirt. "Sirius, where are we going with this?" I whispered, parting our reddened lips for a mere moment. "All the way," He hissed back, just as desparate for contact as I was. As much as I wanted to give in I had to push him away "What about them, if they hear us." He rolled his eyes, as if I were an inpertinant child. "It's my house, you're my fiancée, they can leave if they want." I sighed and realised that his logic was pretty much infallible, and if he was prepared to deal with the consequences then whatever.

I staggered from the cupboard, shirt buttons done up wrong, hair a mess and a drunken look on my face. Not that I had any control over that though. After leaving the safety of the bannister (which had saved my life thrice on the trek downstairs) and migrating to the dining room, I was met with the icy hard glare of my peers and youngers. What had I done wrong? Alastair "Mad-Eye" Moody limped over and led me, by the arm, to the lounge, next door.

"Look, Lupin, we know about you and Black." I mentally slapped myself and resorted to playing dumb. "Wha-what, how?" I stammered. "We all wondered where you two disappeared to, so they had me look. Lupin, I'm not a homophobe, but there are some things I wish I could unsee." I blushed redder than I ever had before and wanted to just disapparate.

"Uh, I didn't think we were that subtle about it,I thought you all knew. Oh Merlin." I sighed, why couldn't Sirius be here, he can talk his way out of anything. I on the other hand had struggled to express myself at the best of times.

"Well we know now, we were just wondering if you would rather come out officially or pretend like nothing's happened, which I must warn you is nearly impossible with Fred and George in the house."

I groaned and nodded "Just let me tell Sirius" I sighed. Moody nodded and went and joined the others. Sirius stumbled in and grabbed my by the waist, kissing me wildly. "Siri, we have to tell them, everything. They know" I stated in a resigned voice. He froze and pulled my engagement ring from my mismatched shirt and took it off the cord. "You're going to want this on then." A grin wandered about my face, finally glittering in my eyes.

"Lets go" I tugged him through to the dining room, where everyone was waiting silently. Sirius tugged my arm around his waist and I kissed the top of his head. "Firstly...we're gay. Secondly, we're getting married. And thirdly, we want to adopt a child."

Wait, when did I agree that? Adopting would be great but right now. And why Nymphadora's hair was now brown and waved, an exact replica of Sirius's was anyone's guess.

I grabbed Sirius's shirt and towed him out of the room, and earshot. "What are you playing at? Siri, we're on the brink of war, in one of the most dangerous positions. And to put a child into that what are you thinking?" He beamed. "I'm thinking there is child out there without parents, maybe magical, maybe not, but this is the safest place. All the protection, Rems, come on."

"Oh and what if one of us dies, what then? And in case it skipped you attention. I'm. A. Werewolf. Hardly fantastic father material" He turned away "You don't, Merlin, I'm such an idiot." I hugged him desparately hard and kissed his forehead savouring the scent that was playing so delicately with my senses, melting my stone cold resolve into more of a reasonable one. "No, I do, I'm just trying to be realistic. Sirius the onething I want most in the world is a family with you but now just isn't the right time."

He sighed and walked off to another part of the house. Eventually I found myself following him to where he stood, gazing half heartedly at his family tree. Shaking my head, I joined him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and kissing his cheek.  
"Sirius, I think you need ot havea chat with your cousin. For one, when we announced we were gay her hair turned into your hair. Now whichever one of us that was for it's either going to be incest, or never going to happen. It's not that I don't like hre it's just I have you." He laughed briefly, though the accompanying grin didn't ever surface.

"Ok, I'll do it later, or tomorrow," Supressing a yawn, I nuzzled into his cheek. "It's a full moon tonight, you going to be there?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." He murmured, before kissing me deeply and winding his hands into my hair.

Merlin, I loved this man.

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	36. Chapter 36

**Hi again, still no more reviews, please, please. **

As much as I was over Sirius, I couldn't help taking notice of his little game. If it's sole purpose was to get at me he surely would have given up when he realised that I don't care.

And to put the cherry on the 'I'm over you' cake I had begun drawing and charming the curtains around my bed. I knew when Sirius wasn't with me when I was concious he would spy on my unconcious self to try and weasel information from my subconcious mind and lips.

So many girls had been brought up to the dorms that me and James were masters at silencing charms, to put them over our beds, which ensured they were impenetrable by soundwaves, which the female always seemed to be making more of. Peter wasn't that skilled and so had resorted to a pillow over his head, which really didn't work.

November brought with it a cold snap that threatened to stick indefinitely, and with that came the freezing of the great lake. Everything worked like a chain reaction in humans lives. Firstly, the lake froze, which lead to Sirius's latest participant in his 'are you better than Remus' game (which I was pleased to say no-one had won yet) come flitting up to Sirius and squawked the idea of skating on the lake; which caused Sirius to suggest it to us, which caused James, Sirius and Peter to peer pressure me into ice skating with pleas like "We'll look after you." and "I'll break your fall". Which lead to my current predicament.

That being, Sirius whispering so sexily in my ear, trying to get me to wake up. Reluctant to join the living world I snuggled into the warm soft thing that I was leaning on. To my surprise it groaned and tried to wiggle away, somewhat half heartedly. "Oh, c'mon Moony-for fuck's sake. Are you torturing me on purpose, please, or I might be forced into doing something to you. Leaving yourself all open like that." I shot up, cheking myself all over for any sign of unwanted physical contact.

"What did you do?" I hissed through my teeth, while glaring as hard as I could, prying open his mind for answers through his eyes. He leapt back, hands up, truly innocent. I guess it was my fault for falling asleep on him. "Nothing, nothing at all" He babbled, and from what I could deduce he was telling the truth. I glared at him, once more for luck.

"Ask Prongs and Wormtail, they were there the whole time" He leapt off of the carriage and into the blanket of white. A shower of disturbed snowflakes speckling over his trousers, and then more littering in his hair. It had lengthened slightly lately, sticking in all directions, so irresistably messy. The kind of hair you wanted to run your hands through. "Pick up your skates and be careful on the way down, it's a long jump and you're a little drows-"

An overly audible shriek accompanied his worrying about me. "SIIIRIIIUUUS" I rolled my eyes and took my hair from the ponytail it was in, formulating a plan of action to mark my territory. I shook it so it got a little messed up and then retied it, rubbing it with my hands to try and make it more rugged. After warding his "girlfriend" off for a few more seconds I stood, my groin the exact height of his face. A predicament that wasn't entirely new for either of us. "Can you help me down?" I pouted.

He added another small explanation to his whatever and looked up at me curiously "Please" I added, leaning towards him in the slightest way, and rubbing my hands together to fight the icy winds. "How is this gonna work?" He asked, I smirked a little and put my hands firmly on his shoudlers, relishing the small brush with his hair that I recieved. "Well, maybe, um, just a bit like that." I said, adjusting my hands to stop my wrists snapping on the way down. Chancing a glance down at him I realised his current eyeline. It was entirely atmy crotch. I subdued a laugh, due to the current size of his eyes and was so tempted to say something snide.

To stop his imagination going any further I put some more of my weight onto him "OK...don't drop me." I confirmed, knowing that to be in Sirius's arms was the safest place I could be. Still slightly stunned it seemed he lifted me down, his hands lingering on my hips for a split second of heaven. Wait, I was over him, so over him, so over him. I would not go back down that road. He had broke my heart so many times and I would not allow him back inside to do it again.

The sudden release of pressure and the disappearing of Sirius's sweet scent told me that his girlfriend had tugged him off. Was I really that much of a threat? I smirked to myself and took an exceptional amount of pleasure from the look on her face. It looked as if she were going to explode. Obviously, then she realised I was watching and pulled him into her, nibbling on his ear and whispering something.

I groaned and skated, wait no, stumbled and fell over to James and Peter, who were both looking at Sirius, with a mixture of disgust and disbelief. "I know right, it just makes me want to throw up." They nodded, and my left leg began to betray me, making me slip over backwards. Two hands grabbed either of my arms and suddenly I was upright again. "Thanks guys" I breathed, trying to steady myself, and not letting go of James's arm until I was perfectly still.

That was until he saw Lily, "HEY, hey, LILY!" He called, speeding off in the direction of her. I squealed and fell over, sitting there in denial, trying to look natural. Trying to get up was my next challenge, eveytime I put my foot down it slid away, unable to take my scarce weight.

"Never one for sports were you, Moons?" A silky smooth voice slid down from above. And like a guardian angel there he was. Glittering in the white sunlight and standing tall and magnificent as always. I managed to find the strength to get up "No, and these things are going to kill me." I grumbled, slipping again and clutching onto his arm for support. "Help-me" I gasped, still sliding around like a baby deer.

After hours of trying to skate on my own with Sirius's careful guidance I managed to feel stable enough to take most of my weight off him. "There, see you're getting the hang of it." He encouraged. "I think you can let-" My eyes snapped up to his and I gasped. I had forgotten how beautifully deep his eyes were. They were like the fresh snow around us, light and cheery and completely perfect. However much his appearance had changed through our turbulent relationship his eyes had stayed perfectly constant. They were the eyes that had loved me through the times when I hated myself. The eyes that had made me realise that the monster in me wasn't actually me. The eyes that I had fallen in love with countless times over. My vice-like grip on his arms loosened a little bit and I looked down, ashamed in letting my walls that I had been so carefully cultivating for months now come crashing down around my feet in one stupid move.

"-go?" he finished breathlessly, as if that moment had meant as much to him as it did to me. As fast as I had let go my feet had entangled themselves in each other and I was sent hurtling into Sirius, knocking us both flying over. I was half sat, half lying on top of Sirius, hands either side of his head. My hair had freed itself from its bindings and fell freely around my face. Sirius hair was still much shorter than it had once been but was splayed over the ice with such an improvised grace that I found it hard to gather oxygen from the abundance of air around us. It felt like there was no ground and no sky, we were just floating, just him and I for the rest of time.

One of his hands glided up to stroke over the most prominant scar on my face, one from a while ago that had refused to heal properly. The rest of him, following his hands lead sat up to take in the rest of my face."You're beautiful Remus." He murmured sincerely, placing a hand on my cheek and caressing the rough texture of my skin, from years of scarring with his thumb. His hand continued to move back to push my hair away from my face.

His eyes closed so angellically and I knew what was coming next, I knew I would have hell to pay later but right now I didn't care. His lips met mine with a smooth softness that only Sirius Black could achieve. I leant into him and dully noticed when he hit the ice again. That was probably the least of my worries as a welcomed electric current pulsed between us, with the dancing of our racing hearts. I needed more of him. I needed to put an end to his stupid game and make him mine once and for all. I only then realised how much I had missed him. But I was over him, I was over Sirius Black, I was not going there again. I couldn't go there again. But I already had.

I slowly got up composing myself with each jagged movement. Stretching up to my full height, to the face of Sirius's latest bitch. She looked a tiny bit angry at me. Not enough to phase me, but enough to irritate. After a loud and mildly painful slap she began revving herself up for a fight. But I wasn't gong to give her the satisfaction. "You're a freak, a disgusting freak. How dare you, first you turn the fittest guy in the school gay, just for you, you selfish bastard, then you dump him just as fast as you got him. And JUST WHEN HE'S GETTING OVER YOU YOU PIN HIM TO THE GROUND AND MAKE OUT WITH HIM. There's a circle of hell for people like you." I laughed in her face and turned to leave, finally finding the ability to skate well enough.

"Cammie, leave him alone." Sirius sighed exasperatedly. By that time I was at the edge of the lake, wrenching the skates off my feet and finding my shoes, so that I could get back to the dorm before the waterworks started. There was a dam of emotions in my mind and it was beginning to crack.

Sprinting away from the fight that people were crawling over each other to see, between Sirius and 'Cammie', I found that getting back to the dorm was a hell of a lot longer than getting away from it.

I muttered the password and ran full pelt at the staircase that led to the dorm that my bed was housed in. My bed, the only salvation in this place. I flung the covers over myself and curled up in a ball beneath them, sobs shaking my slight form as I let the emotions take over me.

I had well and truly destroyed myself this time. Entirely. I swore myself I would never fall for him again, but that was all gone the minute I looked into his eyes. Those eyes, the eyes that I loved so dearly. Maybe if I pretended this never happened then I could move on and try and ge ton with my life without him.

Maybe.

The dark stuffiness of the capsule I'd sealed myself in, both by drawing and locking the curtains and covering myself with the heavy duvet seemed to be an effective tool at making it seem like the world didn't exist. At the moment I wished I didn't exist, that I could just disappear out of existance.

The time was no longer of use to me, therefore I had no clue what time it was, whether I had missed dinner or not, or when my firends would be back in the dorm. Hushed voices at the door told me they were back.  
"I'm going to try and talk to him." One whispered.  
"Sirius, don't be an idiot...ugh, fine, you talk to him, but if he comes down to the Common room in a worse state than he is now Lily is going to have your eyeballs for earrings."  
"Charming." Sirius groaned anda dull thud brought me to peep out from the covers.

I gasped as Sirius's head popped up over the curtain rail, joined by two crossed arms, "Remmie, what are you doing in there?" He asked, trying to get around me by using that annoying pet name he employed when we were dating. "More to the point, what are you standing on?" I snapped, having very little tolerance for this murderer at the moment. Murderer because at the moment life didn't seem worthwhile. And death wasn't a problem, it's hell I'm worried about. "You're trunk" he laughed. I sat up and scowled at him, as hard as I could through my red eyes.

"Oh Rems, I'm so sorry, come out please. I didn't mean to, please. I don't want it to be like this between us. Why can't it be like it was?" As much as I wanted to curl up and start crying at that, I wouldn't let myself look any weaker than I did right now.

"Because, Sirius, you can't break my heart and expect me back at the snap of your fingers. It doesn't work like that. And Sirius..." I was about to commit the darkest form of blasphemy, just to get him to go away. "I don't love you anymore. Sirius, I don't ever want you in my life that way again." I said solemnly, staring dead into his eyes, trying to convince him that I was serious.

"Ok, I understand. Can you come down though? Everyone's worried." He muttered. I think I'd killed something in him. I hadn't wanted to have that much of an effect, didn't he believe in all of those years of professing my love for him in every way imagineable. How could he give up on that in one sentence.

If he truly believed that, I didn't love him how would I survive?

**Ooh, was that a twist you had seen coming...I hope not, not even I had seen it coming. So...review, tell me what you think!**


	37. Chapter 37

**Hey, me again, please review. Please. It would be nice. **

"Hey, Arthur" I muttered one bright, crisp morning. Birds were chirping, muggles were bustling around, and Sirius was sitting by a window, staring longingly outside and sighing every other breath. Arthur looked up from taking apart the toaster and implored me to carry on. "Do the Ministry know that Sirius is an animagus?" The animagus in question looked up and around at lightning speed, suddenly a dog bounding around my legs and yapping joyfully.

"They do know he's an animagus, just not what he is." Arthur answered distantly, uncoiling a spring and stretching it out fully. "Ok, thanks, I think it's time we had a little walk, Siri." His tail began flitting back and forth so fast I couldn't see it. "Lets go," He began leaping up and down on the spot in pure joy and love of life. I rolled my eyes and opened the door, breathing in crisp air, so different to the stuffiness of Grimmauld Place.

Sirius, still dog beside me stratched out his back legs and bounded around in a circle, snapping at his own tail. I rolled my eyes and strolled across the road, waiting on the other side for my "pet" to join me; after he did I wandered into the park and generally across the field, watching Sirius relish his freedom, hurtling ahead and looping back, joyfully yapping at every lap.

I seated myself on a sunny patch of grass, leaning back until grass mingled iwht my hair, leaning on my hands. The sunbeams bounced off my face, until a massive balck dog blocked that out. "Sirius get off me, i'm relaxing." I grumbled as he licked my face from my chin to my hairline; not a square inch missed. "Eurgh, Siri, go piss up a tree or something, just, please, stop licking me." He obeyed me, but sat bolt upright by my side whining, staring at me with eyes so sad i thought I might burst into tears.

"Please, Sirius, just go do something, instead of squandering your free time." I moaned, feeling the ground thud delicately as he ran off.

It took him a whole 3 minutes to wreak havoc, and currently a man who looked to be built like a bulldog was lugging Sirius over by the scruff of his neck. Sirius was yeping and writing and generally trying to get away. I stood up as he just about reached me "Take your hands off my dog" I threatened. He all but threw him at my feet and Sirius growled, snarling and baring his teeth.

"That thing just knocked my little girl into the pond" He huffed, going red in the face. "That thing is my dog, and perhaps your 'little girl' was just in the way, is he not big enouh for her to see?" His hand pulsed menacingly by his side, redying for a fight I would definitely lose, yet Sirius would be there to fix me up after. And that was fine by me.

"Anyway, isn't that mongrel on the dangerous dogs list," He began, trying to intimidate me. I sighed "It will be in a minute." He moved a step closer trying to square up to me, which was hard, considering I was so much taller than him. "Is that a threat?" He snarled.

Sirius, stepping in between us growled louder, then snapped at the man. I stroked his head and muttered "I can fight my own battles." If he were human he would hvae quipped something like "but this is my battle". But he wasn't. Despite it being such a warm day, this blundering idiot had created such a cold atmosphere. I really didn't want to be near him any longer than I had to be.

"My apologies, but I really have better things to waste my day with than arguing over your lying, claiming my dog is dangerous when I know for a start that he is the sweetest thing on this planet. I wish you good luck in raising that little brat, and bid you good day-sir-" I fortified the title with the same sarcasm I had once heard Sirius father use against his son. I prayed I had the same conviction.

"Fucking bastard, making an arguement with me-" He muttered as he galumphed off into the distance. I sighed and began to stroll off to Grimmauld Place. I had had enough of muggles for one day. Sirius whined and tugged my shirtsleeve, licking my hand to try and get my attention. Dumping myself onto a rotting wooden bench, encapsulated by flowers.

Sirius laid down at my feet and huffed, tossing a flower in between his paws, side to side, as if enjoying the mere feeling of being outside. "Siri, what do you think's going to happen, with You-Know-Who being back, I just don't want to go back to how it was before, you know the first war, where you and me were so tense, to say the least." A soft, cold, wet nose nuzzled at my arm and two adorably sad eyes meandered their way under my shirt sleeve. He whimpered and leapt up to leave a comforting lick on my face as if to say "Don't worry, it won't happen," I smiled as a moderately attractive woman seated herself beside me.

"Thats a really cute dog you've got there" She wittered in an annoyingly high voice. "Thanks, but I'm not sure he'd appreciate you calling him cute, he like's to think he's pretty manly" I joked, as Sirius began grumbling quietly by my leg. Oooh, overprotective much? She turned towards me, "What breed is he?" I smirked "A british sirius hound. Quite rare I think there's only a handful left in the country." she nodded sas if she knew what I was talking about, but of course I had made the lot up.

"So, where are you from, you don't sound to be around here," I grinned, finding that lying to strangers was actually quite fun. "No, I just came down to visit an ex, they're getting married." She nodded again, wow she was monotonous. "And uh, do you have a girlfriend perhaps?" DId she not see the ring on my finger. I was spoken for. "No, I don't have a girlfriend." I said blankly, getting rapidly bored as Sirius was getting more agitated. "Oh, well are you free tonight? I'd quite like to hear a bit more about these sirius hounds." Now I would actually tell the truth, or partially.

"No, actually, me and my fiancée were planning a night in, he invited some friends over." I could practically see her heart crack down the middle through her ribcage. I wanted to laugh so much, seeing as Sirius was now excitedly chasing his tail in joy. Well, she seemed to get the message anyway. Tired of being annoyed by people.

I seated myself in the middle of a field. in a complete empty space, save a few children playing a ball game a way away. Before I had even had the time to relax a dull thud brought my attention to the gaudy tennis ball rolling towards my foot, and an annoying 10 year old boy sprinting towards me. "Hey, Mister, can we have our ball back?" I groaned and got up, Sirius trotting beside me. "Why can't the world just leave me alone?" I declared, a little pissed off that a man can't even go for a stroll in the park anymore without being interrupted multiple times. Maybe people just hated me.

Sirius was laughing, still a dog beside me and I gave him a sneaky nudge with my foot that was more like a kick, but he didn't seem to be too badly maimed. I smirked to myself as he growled at me, jokingly of course.

Our walk in the park hadn't been that bad after all, I got the chance to annoy Sirius, which was always fun.

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	38. Chapter 38

_It had been a month, 4 new girls for Sirius. 4 new heartbreaks for me. Though I never admitted to myself that it pained me, it did. Christmas drew near and all 4 of us were staying at James's over the holidays, I was going to spend Christmas with my friends...and, well, Sirius. A prospect I wasn't looking forward to. _

_The train to London, then on to The Potters came too fast. I still needed time to think of a way out of this. Yet as soon as we arrived and began decorating, my thoughts on Sirius faded to a dull murmur._

"NO, NO IT'S LIES, ALL OF IT, LIES!" He proclaimed as I was just about ready to divulge some of my top secret information on Sirius. All of which he would rather have kept to himself. But after being with someone there are certain things that you tend to notice about a person.

"Don't like it much when we're poking fun at you" Peter grumbled, having been the subject of our teasing for 6 years now, he finally plucked up the courage to say a bad word against it. Normally he was spineless and tried to laugh along with us.

"No I don't." Sirius huffed indignantly, pudhing up to tower above us all; like some fallen god, or some risen demon. "Now I am bored, so I am goin to play Hungry Hungry Hippogriffs, ALONE! Unless any of you want to join me..." He said, already out of the door.

"Wow, he's really missing you Rems, he's pining for balls, even the plastic, multicoloured kind." James muttered, once Sirius was out of earshot. I punched him on the arm; "I could not care less even if he was. I am worth more than to be messed around by that, my friend." James smirked, and Peter was going that odd green colour again.

I turned around, glaring at him. "What does the fact that I like guys STILL bother you, Wormers, I wonder what it is specifically, is it that I have had Sirius's dick up my arse...and I enjoyed it." He got up and scurried from the room, true to his animagus form.

James rolled his eyes "Did you have to break out the homosexuality, c'mon Worms isn't that bad. One sec, DONT HIT ON HER SIRIUS! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO RIDE MY MUM!" James yelled, hearing something I didn't.

"WHOEVER SAID I WAS GOING TO DO THAT?" Came the answer. This was starting something. "YOU DID FUCKWIT!"

"DON'T WORRY PRONGS, THE ONLY POTTER I'D LIKE TO RIDE IS YOU!" A quieted "well that shut him up" exuded from the kitchen and James went redder than ever. "NO IT DIDN'T! YOU'RE CREEPY! MUM, SHUT SIRIUS IN THE GARDEN AND LOCK ALL THE DOORS AND WINDOWS CAUSE HE'S GONNA RAPE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!" He yelled. I rolled my eyes, these two were like two 3 year olds.

"I'M NOT GOING TO RAPE YOUR MUM IN HER SLEEP, THAT'D BE COMPLETELY POINTLESS! IF I WAS GOING TO RAPE HER I'D AT LEAST DO IT WHEN SHE WAS AWAKE!" Oh, now it was my turn. Since I happened to know about his nocturnal habits..."I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST YOU, BUT MAYBE YOU'D BE SATISFIED WITH WATCHING HER...SINCE YOU SEEM TO ENJOY WATCHING ME SLEEP."

He came back with something that shattered the rejuveinating parts of my heart. "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL..." Everything else faded away and I felt dizzy. He called me beautiful...then something about me breaking him. "LIKE HELL I WOULD" I called back, somehow my soul was disconnected from the rest of my body, flying above us all.

I really needed to get back with Sirius, but not let him know that was my intent. But if I were to take things too fast He would just run off with the closest slag and I would be left to pick up the pieces. But why should I stay alone. I had seen a couple of people looking at me. Sure, I wasn't too bad looking, and with my long hair I can imagine I can look pretty hot if I want.

Oh, and of course there was a Hogsmeade trip coming up, perhaps I could woo one Caleb Brown...captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch Team, Beater, strong arms, six pack, pretty good looking.

And he had been eyeing me up for weeks now.

After some more yelling and some more plotting on my part, the repetitive dull thudding of Sirius trying to reach Hungry Hungry Hippo's got to me. I huffed, walking begrudgingly out to the cupboard to offer my assistance.

"What are you doing?" I asked, laughing slightly at the man hanging from cupboard handles before me.

In reply he went off on a rant about a land where he could reach Hungry Hungry Hippogriffs whenever he wanted and how he was going to starve the blue hippogriff. Poor blue Hippogriff.

I stepped closer and inquired as to the whereabouts of the box he was so desparately seeking. "So far...yet so close." He grumbled. Subconciously, I closed the space between us and reached up to the cabinet, placing my hands over Sirius's; his touch, normally producing intense fireworks, held nothing for me now. It was well and truly over. I sighed, and his hands dropped limply to his sides.

Just as the smoothness of the box brushed my fingertips a slam and a click made me abort my mission. The stuffiness was suffocating and when I got out Peter was dead. Maybe not dead yet...maybe torture, then death.

I glanced around until my eyes zoned in one one offensive little plant. Mistletoe. At that moment I was attacked by Sirius and his lips.

I froze, unsure what proper kiss rejection etiquette was. I pushed him away and took a deep breath, not to expell emotions, but to bring in enough air to say what I wanted.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck. Sirius?" I growled. He backed up as far as he could, which really wasn't a lot and began trying to explain something to me...

"Come on, we've both been dancing round the truth for so long now and we both know it's isn't going to work...you push me away, and say these things time and time again but you can't deny the fact that you and I are meant to be. Remus, I am meant to be with you." I set my jaw in place and stared him down. What made him think he owned me. That he could drop me and then pick me up like some toy he'd grown out of.

"Meant to be?" I murmured, gathering strength in my voice. "_Meant to be? _YOU'RE EGOMANICAL ARSEHOLE, IN FACT THE BIGGEST ONE I HAVE EVER MET! YOU'RE NOT _MEANT TO BE_ WITH ANYONE BUT YOUR OWN REFLECTION! HWO ANYONE IS EVER GOING TO LOVE YOU I DON'T KNOW!" I took another long breath, steadying myself, "I guess you can thank Merlin you're pretty."

He reached out towards me but I backed away, repulsed by the very notion. "Please...Moony...What,,,tell me what I'm supposed to do then...I love everything about you...you're beautiful ... clever ... funny ... everything anybody would ever want...and I know I don't deserve you and someone out there does...but...but..."

I riled myself up for a fight, I had to put him off once and for all. "I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO SIRIUS. fUCK THE HELL OFF. IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY DONT LOVE YOU, THEY DONT LOVE YOU. UST LIVE WITH IT. IT WORKED FINE WHEN YOU WERE INFATUATED WITH JAMES!" I bellowed, kicking at the door so the latch jumped up and freed me.

He needed to stop trying to win me back; because no way in hell was it ever going to happen.


	39. Chapter 39

**Sorry for the late update! I hope you enjoy it, it's really more of a gapfiller than anything else, but I hope you enjoy nonetheless! As always please review. Andraste X**

The eldest Weasley sprinted into the room at me and Sirius were currently milling about, hair and glasses in perfect disarray. "H-Harry, he's been exp-expelled" Currently, I was draped across a sofa with Sirius in my arms, just enjoying being together and being free to a certain extent. "He produced a patronus..." Oops, that might just be my fault, I thought initially "...Dumbledores trying to sort it out but well the Ministry, since Diggory died, they don't credit his opinion so much. Just thought you two ought to know" He finished dissappearing without another word.

Sirius straightened up, turning to me slowly grinning. Not that I noticed any of that, I was fuming..."Oh James you beautiful wonderful amazing fantastic man you created the most perfectly imperfect child I have ever known!"

"I know, how dare they? How could they, he didn't do anything-Wait...WHAT?" I screamed, turning and glaring at him with all the disapproval I could muster. He got off me and was knelt, hands clasped as if thanking some invisible god. "He's exceeded my every expectation...who'd have thought he could outdo his own dad! This is wonderful! Oh and I so thought he was going to turn out like you. What an extraordinary piece of information!"

"Turn out like me...Sirius, what is that meant to mean?" I sighed a little put out that he thought "turning out like me" was a bad thing. He got up slowly and put a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"Weeeeeeell, you knooooow, with the dullness and being a prefect and all that shit..." he grinned, oblivious to my plummeting expression. "The dullness?" I asked, letting my hurtness seep into my voice.

"Well...like...err...no but yes...like not wanting to be...**Badass!"** He finished triumphantly.

"But I am badass" I defended, as he looked at me patronisnigly. "Don't lie to yourself Remmie. Now I am going to write himn a letter of congratulations, good day Remus." He said curtly, turning and almost leaving. My hand clamped down on his shoulder and I turned him back towards me. "Harry is a bright young boy and you are NOT encouraging him to be a failure!" I yelled, trying to ge tthe message through his thick skull.

"No, I'm not. i am going to encourage him to be **Badass**!" I rolled my eyes and let go of his shoulder, convinced thaty he was not going to run. " Can you stop doing the ninja pose and and saying badass in a strange way? You're beginning to get on my nerves."

He looked at me seriously, hands on hips, almost scolding. "This, my dearest Remus, is why you no **Badass**!" He grinned, grabbing a scrap of parchment and a quill ina small pot of ink. "Now if you don't mind..." He trailed off, ducking under my arm and setting off for the door.

"Yes. I do. Give me that parchment now!" I demanded, making a grab for the offending piece of paper. He danced out of my way and the parchment flashed before my face. "But you're going to ruin my Harry!" He whinged.

Sighing I made a comprimise; "Well, why don't you just write something reasonable. I'll be checking and for Merlins sake sound concerned."

"fine" He huffed, finding a desk and sitting down exasperatedly.

5 hours later I deemed one of his letters acceptable and we were able to send it off and await the reply or any news.

Actually after about an hour we got sick of waiting and I turned to Sirius, and stroked the chocolate strand out of his face. He sighed and turned to me, taking my face in one of his hands and running a thumb over the scar that stood most prominantly on my face.

I slowly leant in and kissed him like we'd never kiss again. We were teenagers again, basking in a midsummers day. The promise of our life ahead of us. Our tongues waltzed beautifully together in an ageless rhythm which had both of us twitching for more.

A dull thunk on the back of my head brought me crashing back into reality. Into a world that tore young love apart in our early 20's with a fake trail and Azkaban. Molly Weasley was the one who was currently frowning at us, hands on hips and face like thunder. "I THOUGHT we ALL agreed that Harry was NOT TO KNOW about you two."

"Well, he will be in a few days, you had better get some practice in or he will find out." She growled stomping out of the room. Sirius shrugged and grabbed my shoulders, spinning me back to him and kissing me violently.

This time Molly's hand made contact with both of our heads, and she scowled harder than the last time. "I'm watching you two."

And watch she did, which I suppose in hindsight was good for the both of us because it did mean that we could effectively go around the house without any outsiders knowing me and Sirius were anything more than friends.

Admittedly it was pure torture. We could only steal quick kisses in deserted hallways before Molly bustled around a corner, as she always seemed to at exactly the wrong time.

And Sirius did not help. We'd be in meetings and he'd wink at me from across the room, or lick his lips, or do something else suggestive that just sent me insane. Maybe he liked torturing me aswell. Well, the scar on my chest was evident of that.

The only time when we had real contact was as I was just about to go to get Harry, he met me in the hallway, snogged me senseless, and then expected me to stay on a broom long enough for me to get to Surrey.

Thankfully, the lightheadedness was quickly disspelled by Alastair barking orders at us from the doorway.

Sighing, I set off into the night to bring Sirius his godson and hopefully get home in one piece.

**So there you go, Dear Harry is on the way...Please review and leave your thoughts. I would be over the moon if you did!**


	40. Chapter 40

**Hi guys, bit of a change of scenery for Remus in this chapter, Rems has got a boyfriend (who isnt Sirius!) I know right! Anyway, lemme know what you think please, it would be fab to hear from all of you, as I have no clue how well I'm doing at this writing thing. I like it, but I like singing also, and that doesn't stop my mum thinking I'm dying whenever I belt it out to my favourite songs!**

_He was looking at me, gazing at me. From across the Great Hall, he was gazing, chin rested on hand, blonde hair falling effortlessly over his fine chiselled features. Grinning I produced a piece of parchment, scrawling "Are you free to go to Hogsmeade with me?" I watched subtly, seeing his eyes light up when he read the note. _

_I'd take that as a yes._

It was a cold day, mid January, crisp and fresh. Hogsmeade was practically sparkling with frost, absolutely beautiful. Caleb was a couple of inches taller than me, quite a feat with me being 6"1 and still growing. Caleb and I walked, chatting idly about ourselves, just getting to know each other; he was a truly beautiful person. Muggle born, with a real talent for Quidditch. I told him he should teach me sometime because I was useless on a broom; and he told me that he would make me fly even if it was the last thing he did and I needed one to one lessons every day for the rest of the year.

"Sounds good to me," I responded cheerily. He was infinitely more fun than Sirius; he had such a passion for life that you couldn't help but be happy around him. "Hey, um, Remus, I know you had a thing with Black for a while but I was wondering, are you single now?" I stopped and turned to him, dead outside Honeydukes, where I could see James in the window, glaring at me as if to say "Don't you dare, Sirius will rip your balls off". I grinned and took Caleb's hand in my own, "Yes I am, are you asking me out?"

He bit his lip in such an adorable way and eventually nodded. "In that case, I would love to go out with you." The grin that spread across his face was none compared to mine. Ignoring James's frigid glares we wandered to the outskirts of the town where he turned to me, slowly and nervously wrapped his arms around my neck, leaning in gently until our lips touched.

He was warm and loving and so new to this it was almost adorable. He didn't object to me pulling him closer and opening my mouth slightly. Immediatly, he attacked me with a passion that was only rivalled with Sirius on an exceptionally good day.

The need for oxygen was getting to a threatening level so I reluctantly untangled myself from his broad shoulders and muscular arms to breath. I kept his hand in mine though as he regained air, grinning, head spinning. I knew how he felt...I felt it too.

Stumbling back to the village in each others arms I didn't see Sirius, which was wierd; heightened by a dishevelled 6th year who came, panting over to me. Clutching my coat she stared into my eyes, like a deranged wild animal. "H-Have you seen Sirius...?" She breathed.

I laughed and Caleb looked thoroughly confused; "No, not since this morning, what's up?" She hid slightly behind me and clutched my arm "They're trying to get me, I gave him a gift, the other girls are trying...to KILL ME!" She squealed as thunderous footsteps shook the ground "I have to go hide, yes hide is good, hide for the rest of my life...tell Sirius I love him" She called backwards, running off into the distance.

Caleb laughed and towed me off towards Hogwarts; "How about we go back? I feel like a walk, with you." Grinning like a cheshire cat, I towed my boyfriend away. Sirius could fuck all the girls in the school, I didn't care I had Caleb now.

I had no clue how long this would last; I didn't care. I needed someone, anyone to alleviate the pain Sirius had caused. Shivering at the memory, Caleb wrapped his arms around me,in what would've been a romantic gesture, had Peter not blundered up behind us and attempted a conversation.

"You alright guys? Bit nippy out, isn't it?" I ground my teeth together and snuggled into Caleb's side further, kissing his neck in warning to Peter. "So...are you two a couple now?" I shook my head, dustings of snow gliding to my shoulders. "No, I'm just going up to random guys and making out with them. Of course we are Pete..." I trailed off gazing into the sea green pools of Caleb's eyes; in which I was quickly lost.

"But Sirius is going to be so pissed off.." Peter mumbled, mouth full of Honeydukes products. "Why would he be, we've been split up for ages now. Surely he's moved on" Peter scurried off in the other direction once we'd reached the Hogwarts gates.

"Thank God, he was beginning to piss me off" I revealed, safe and warm in the embrace of Caleb. "Where to now?" I asked, wanting him to take the lead, but I would go to the ends of the earth with him, not caring when his hand slid into the back pocket of my jeans. It actually felt quite gentle and nice there. Fitting perfectly.

"Caleb, I'm just going to warn you about Sirius. I know for a fact that he is not over me and having known him for a number of years now I can imagine the tricks he has up his sleeve to make sure Im alone and miserable for the rest of my life."

Caleb laughed and hugged me tighter to him, before leaning down and kissing my cheek "I can deal with him, trust me, he'll be a piece of cake."

I nodded, reaching up and stroking his smooth, slightly freckled skin. Freckled so much that at this range you could notice, yet not so much that he looked young.

He was a truly goregous human being. I must be the luckiest man alive.

**So what do you think of Caleb...? Do you think him and Remus are the real thing, or will Sirius get in the way? REVIEW AND TELL ME!**


	41. Chapter 41

**Here's another beautifully canon chapter (with the film at least). Hope you like it, please as ever review! I would be sooo happy!**

After recieving a thorough grilling from Sirius when I returned home, safe, tired, and with his godson, about how "broken" Harry was. I had told him time and time again that Harry was fine but he had nothing of it. Harry at this present moment in time was upstairs, being greeted by his friends, while a loud crack told us all that the twins had also given him their greeting.

We, on the other hand were sat in the dining room, in another meeting. And Sirius and Snape had just started arguing. Again. I was sat to Sirius's right adn had subtly slipped his wand from his pocket to make sure he didn't do anything that we would all later regret.

It was about an hour later when we heard footsteps tapping down the ancient staircase. Molly and Arthur went out to greet him first and I leant against the doorframe, slightly behind Sirius. His hair, falling in soft mahogany waves over his neck, seemed especially soft today. Not that I would know, with Harry in such close proximity even the tiniest move, like stroking his hair over his shoulder would be picked up on. And our little secret would disintergrate into dust.

But I mean, I was an expert at keeping secrets, was I not? I had managed to hide my lycanthropy for the first two years of Hogwarts when I spent all of my time with the same 3 people. So, I'm sure this won't be a problem. Not at all. But just one touch wouldn't hurt. I could make an excuse, say I thought I saw something in his hair. My hand twitched by my side. Come on Remus, pull it together, it's just Sirius, you have the rest of your life with him if you don't touch his hair now.

Suddenly his and Harry were embracing and it was far to late to make any sort of a move. Migrating back to the table, I took a seat in about the middle, subconciously praying that Sirius didn't sit next to me. If he did I would not be able to contain myself. It was almost like that time he drugged me with love potion in our teenage years. Actually wait, it was scarily like that. Maybe it's just because the threat of Voldemort is back, and we can all feel it.

Once the table was filled, there was an awkward silence, before Arthur spoke up. "This is very very peculiar, your hearing at the Ministry will be before the entire Wizengamot." This was news to us, even though the reasoning didn't surprise me. Fudge has gone absolutely round the bend tyring to cling to power. And so far people were believeing him!

"I don't understand" Reasoned Harry "What has the Ministry got against me"

A low growl of a voice exuded from the corner of the room. "Show him. He'll find out soon enough" This grunt of a sentence was obviously named at me, since I was the one currently possessing todays Daily Prophet. I sighed and placed the folded newspaper on the table, folding my hands just behind it while Harry took in the front page. "Fudge is using all his power, including his influence at the Daily Prophet..." I trailed off, did the rest really need explaining.

"...To smear anyone who claims the Dark Lord has returned" Sirius finished, I shot a grin in his direction, but felt Molly glare a hole in the back of my head. So I cut the grin short and turned my attention back to the paper. "Why?" Harry asked. So much like his father, inquisitive, curious. If only James were here now.

"He thinks Dumbledore is after his job" I stated. Harry sat up straighter and his voice went up about 2 octaves. "Thats insane! No-one in their right mind could think that!" I leant a little further forwards;

"Exactly, Fudge isn't in his right mind. It's been twisted and warped by fear. Now, fear makes people do terrible things Harry. The last time voldemort gained power he almost destroyed everything we hold most dear." I glanced towards Sirius and he looked away, we both remembered the last time Voldemort was here, all the mistrust and loss and how we almost lost ourselves, not to mention each other.

"Now he has returned and im afraid the minister will do almost anything to avoid facing that terrifying truth." I finished, letting my hands run freely through my hair to clear my thoughts.

Sirius folded his hands "We think Voldemort wants to build up his army again. Fourteen years ago he had huge numbers at his command. And not just witches and wizards but all manner of dark creatures." For some reason I felt everyones gaze on me, but when I looked up, no-one was looking my way. I knew for a fact nobody trusted me last time because of what I was, no-one except Lily, and she's not here this time. I might aswell pack my bags and go take a long walk off a short pier because I am NOT going through that again.

"He's been recruiting heavily and we've been attempting to do the same. but gathering followers isnt the only thing he's interested in" Moody cleared his throat warningly and I tensed. Sirius was about to cross a line and everyone but him knew it. "We believe Voldemort may be after something"

"Sirius" Moody growled from his shadow in the corner. However my idiotic lover carried on relentlessley, clearly unpeturbed by the threat of Moody's wrath.

"Something he didn't have last time," His husky voice finished, low and dangerous. A voice worn by cruel years on this earth. "You mean like a weapon?" Harry chirped. Even I knew he had gone way too far this time. A harsh slap of towel on table brought us all crashing to our senses, out of the haze of despair that had descended over us all.

"No. That's enough. He's just a boy! You say much more and you might aswell induct him into the order." Sirius gave a half shrug, disspelling Mollys squawks with a careless gesture. Standing up in defiance Harry towered above us all, still seated at the table. "Good, I want to join! If Voldemorts raising an army then I want to fight!"

Suddenly, the young raven haired boy before me was not Harry Potter, But his predecessor, James. As his son echoed the elders words from a previous era. Sirius winked and I understood that he was seeing the exact same thing.

James was well and truly back.

**So, even though there wasn't much original content there please tell me what you think!**


	42. Chapter 42

**Ok, here goes Valentines day and Caleb and our darling Remus getting serious (no pun intended) enjoy and review PLEASE...**

_The lake was sparkling, glittering under the crescent moon as I strolled with Caleb around it's edge. Just takling about the upcoming Quidditch match and exams. It was beautiful, relaxed and so quiet. The peace swamping over us, drowing us together. Bringing us together in companiable darkness; I did love Caleb, but it wasn't as strong or vehement as me and Sirius's relationship. I had to move on now though. He was over me, well over me, so why couldn't I do the same. Before me stood a perfect opportunity to move on, but I was too stupid to take it, well I was trying to take it, but I really needed to throw muself into it more if I really wanted to get over _him_. _

_Caleb turned to me, stroking over my cheek with soft loving movements. His skin was bleached white by the moonlight and his green eyes were more luminescent than ever, dragging me in like an intense gravity. _

_His lips brushed mine, gently at first; yet as time went on he grew in confidence and conviction. After my hands had explored the muscled contours of his back, I retreated from his top and moved onto his hair. Which, strangely, grew and waved under my fingertips and his kissing grew more ferocious. _

_I knew who it was._

_I didn't pull away._

_Instead I kissed harder, grinding our hips together with a low moan. He pulled away, but I kept my eyes closed savouring the smell, the feeling, the tingling. His thumb pressed against my lips, parting them slightly, and I kissed the tip of his thumb, not knowing when next we'd meet. _

_A moments pause wandered idly past us before his hand stroked my long hair off of my face, not releasing the golden locks until his hand ran out of hair to stroke. Suddenly, he crushed his lips against mine, along with the rest of our bodies. It took me a moment to kiss back, but when I did I kissed back like this was the last day on earth. Curious, I pulled away, asking a question that had played on my mind from the start; "Siri, why are you here?" I mumbled. As the words left my lips something thumped down onto my chest and awakened me. _

Whatever it was that woke me, I was grateful. I almost forgot to give Sirius his Valentines card, or at least leave it for him. I slipped my hand under my pillow for the blood red card, when it's cold cardboard shell enbraced my desparate fingertips i gripped and pulled. Held firmly in my hand, the card was an intimidating little being. What would Sirius think? Like it would do any good. I looked over to him, his half covered naked body splayed across the red and gold bed. "Oh Sirius, if you only knew how I longed to have you hold me again." I breathed, stroking the black looking waves from his face. "Please, Siri, I know I've been stupid but when did this all spiral out of our hands, I so wish things were like they were, but maybe a monster like me isn't worthy of a God like you." Stealing a glance back down at the little card I ripped it right in half.

Once it was in enough pieces, I threw it into my drawer and returned to the world of slumber, if I couldn't have Sirius when I was concious, then at least I could hope to dream of him.

I woke up to a figure, straddling my waist on top of me, "Happy Valentines Day, Rems!" He called. Groaning I sat up, running a hand through my disshevelled hair. "Caleb, wh-who let you in?" I moaned, I loved this guy, but not this time of the morning. "Lily, you might want to check the end of your bed," I sat up quickly, regretting the notion for the headrush it caused. When that infernal feeling ceased I saw the biggest bar of chocolate my eyes had ever had the pleasure to behold.

I was rendered speechless, a chocolate supply like that would have taken me years to save up for. "Oh, Merlin, Caleb...what were you THINKING? This is amazing. Oh Caleb I love you." I sighed, half disbelieving. I flew into his arms, kissing all over his face. "I have a little surprise for you although how it's going to follow that I dont know."

He laughed "You can tell me later, right now we have a lesson to get to." I groaned and started to get up. "Can I get dressed in peace please?" I asked, kissing him on the lips genty before shooing him off. Something lightly tapped the floor when I moved. I leant down and picked it up, it was an exceptionally rare rose with near fatal thorns. It bloomed once every 16 years and had the most amazing healing abilitues, second only to phoenix tears. And it truly was beautiful, the petals were opalescent white, gleaming pink and orange in different lights. The tips of the petals though looked as though it had been dipped in bright red paint, bleeding up the plant.

I wasn't sure who had left me this, but as I put it in the glass of water beside my bed, I was glad they had.

I got into my robes and wandered idly down to charms. I excelled at charms, and so I enjoyed it. James was sat opposite me, glaring a little. I shrugged it off, Sirius must be in a mood then. Him and James had got closer lately, closer than normal. But then of course I was moving further away. That might be good for me, but then it might not. But only time would tell.

I caught Caleb on a windowsill, leading up to the Ravenclaw tower, and dropped my Valentines present on his lap, sitting behind him and gripping round his neck as he studied the handcuffs now swinging menacingly from his finger.

"Rems, are you trying to tell me something?" I smirked and kissed his neck rhythmically, before tracing my tongue around the edge of his ear.

"Maybe,"

He shivered as my breath graced his ear. "I like where this is going." He moaned, "If where this is going is your dorm," He clarified, turning his head into mine and kissing me briefly. "Of course darling, and be sure to bring those, how does 8 sound?" I breathed, leaving one final kiss on his cheek and then hurrying off to my next class.

It was 8:30, Caleb had been here half an hour and I had gone to get us all Butterbeers to break the tension. Disapproval was rolling of Sirius by the bucketload, and soon we were all going to drown in it. All he'd done was mutter to James about how much he hates Caleb probably.

James didn't like it much either. Old Quidditch rivalries die hard I guess. But I could not believe how selfish they were all being, they accepted all Sirius's many infatuations, but as soon as I'm happy they turn their back on it.

Maybe thats the price I had to pay for their help every month, maybe I just had to stay with Sirius. I didn't need them though, I could cope on my own. I had the first two years and all the years at home before that. I hadn't asked for their help at all, and now they were breaking the law for me as unregistered underage animagi. I hadn't wanted any of that. Not at all.

Maybe I should get back down before an all out brawl started.

Wandering downstairs idly I broke the awkward silence; "Sorry it took me so long, but I had to get them out of my stash without anybody seeing me. Have you lot been getting along while I was gone?" I asked snidely, glaring at Sirius and James. Caleb grinned up at me, relieving me of one bottle while I distributed the others.

"Of course, we were jsut discussing the upcoming Quidditch match, weren't we boys?" He clarified, taking my face in his hand and kissing me. He smirked under the kiss and I kissed him harder, oblivious to Sirius and James's mutterings.

Caleb moaned loudly and wrapped one leg round my thigh; inadvertedly pulling me closer to him. "Caleb, did you bring the gift I gave you?" His eyes lit up and he nodded, "Then maybe we should retire to my dorm, I think maybe we should put them to use."

A slow, sly grin spread over his beautiful features and I got up, unneccessarily brusing off my robes before helping Caleb up. "Goodnight boys, we'll be a little busy for a few hours, so I wouldn't come upstairs." I warned, winking and leading Caleb upstairs, ignoring how red Sirius's face was going and the increasing intensity of their glares.

Tomorrow would be lonely, but I'm sure tonight would compensate.


	43. Chapter 43

**Not much to explain about this one, just read, review and enjoy!**

Finally all of the children had disappeared off to bed, thank-god for that. But now I had to face Sirius, he had been offish all day and I couldn't stand it any longer.

As soon as the children were gone he turned to me with a look of utter despair. "No? No? Is that your true hearts desire, to ruin my Ja-rry Potter? We're engaged, been together for 20 years, is it really that much of a struggle for you to agree with me?" He asked incredulously, standing up to face me.

"Ja-rry Potter, Sirius, Ja-rry Potter? I think that said it all." I sighed, walking over to the sink and placing my plate in with a loud clatter, punctuating my point. "I'll be going to bed now. Goodnight, see you all in the morning." I said curtly, beginning to vacate the room.

"Wait, wait, don't just leave in the middle of a conversation!" He bellowed, catching my arm and turning me around to face him. Glaring into his eyes with an unimpressed undertone; I opened my mouth and let unenthusiastic words slide from my throat.

"I know not what you consider a conversation, Sirius, but that is certainly not it. Goodnight." I finished unspectacularly, leaving the room and skulking up to our shared bedroom. Well shared in secret that is.

I was hoping to drift off before Sirius invaded the peace of the room; I wasn't that lucky. "Remus, are you in here?" Ignoring the yell of "Where the fuck else would I be" in my head I stayed perfectly still, making him edge closer to me and place a hand on my shoulder. "Remus, I'm sorry." He stated, playing with my hair.

"You're ignoring me, aren't you?" He asked, for no reason, if it wasn't obvious by now then he was as thick as two short planks. I nodded a little bit, removing his hand from my hair and rolling closer to the peeling wall.

"If you really wanted to ignore me you wouldn't be sleeping in here." He observed falsley. Yes, I was mad at him, but I didn't want to have to sleep without his comforting warmth by my side, letting me know that tonight, I was still human. I couldn't sleep without the musty smell of him, half mixed with doghair that no matter how much he showered or scrubbed would not shift. Yet I loved him for it.

"Just because I don't want to ave a certain discussion with you doesn't mean I could sleep without you by my side." I heaved, voice already cracking from lack of use and exhaustion. He layed down mext to me and I rolled over to face him, to smell him, to take in his exquisite features. "But I said sorry" He pouted, a five year old child again. When saying sorry was the Magic Word that made everything better.

I wrapped my arms around him, and crushed him against my side. "Yes, but if we got into it you'll just end up arguing your case against me and it'll turn out that you weren't at all sorry." He kissed me on the forhead and stroked back my hair. "I love you Rems, but I hate your logic." He sighed, curling into my waiting embrace.

I knew he was awake, and I knew he was thinking. That was dangerous in itself. Sirius thinking. There had to be a law against it.

He rolled himself on top of me and snuggled into my neck. I groaned at the sudden appliance of weight, not that I didn't enjoy it. He left a tired kiss on my neck and looked up at me "Morning beautiful." He whispered, kissing my neck. I grunted in annoyance and tried to swat him off. And he had a go at me for being to awake in the mornings...he was like a puppy, pulling and pulling at my trouser leg until I bloody threw the ball for him.

I saw him grin through semi closed eyes. "Sleep well?"

"Until you woke me up..." I said patronizingly, forcing a grin on my face. "Did you dream of anything nice?" Sirius asked, playing along with the whole juvenile facade. "I dreamt of my fiance not being a paedophile." I stated, in a half groan.

"Well, I dreamt that my faince loved me more..." He trailed off, disheartened. I kissed him chastely and snorted. "What a shame he doesn't, eh, Padfoot." He moaned into the morning air, he seemed to be deliberating something. "Remus...we really need to talk..." He asked shyly. I gasped inwardly, he didn't want me any more, he didn't want to get married, he wanted to drop me like the half breed I was.

"You-you've got cold feet, I understand." I huffed, on the brink of tears. He laughed, "Oh no, my feet are positively toasty." He chirped, looking at me like I was stupid for thinking such a thing. I let all my emotion trickle to my face in a mash of feelings.

"Look...I want to talk about adoption...because I've thought about it and I really want this. I know you think I'm stupid but we havent talked about it since I brought it up and I think it's a good thing. If we're getting married, I want a real family, you, me and-" I put a finger against his mouth to shut him up. "It's too early in the morning for this sort of thing."

He folded his arms, "No. Now is the perfect time. Otherwise it'll be too late, too close to the kids, too in the middle of a meeting. You're the most rationally minded people ever, regardless of time." He rubbed his eyes with his fists and sat up to look at me seriously.

"And the fact you're arguing that point disproves the point entirely so there." He triumphantly finished, nodding like a pleased child who won an arguement.

"How can you expect me to believe you can look after a child when there's a starving hippogriff upstairs. He hasn't been fed in 3 days." I said matter-of-factly.

"If you knew he was starving why did you let him."

"Because he's yours"

"No he's Hagrids"

"Even more reason to look afer the poor beast" I exclaimed, sitting up and leaning my head on his shoulder. "If I look after it will you consider a child...?" He said, tilting his head to put it on mine. I was no way going to win this..."Ok, ok, but dont be surprised if the poor thing's dead when you reach it." He laughed, grabbing clothes, for he was still in the habit of sleeping naked, something I had come to ignore over the years, then he departed with a peep around the doorframe "Adios muchachos, I am off to feed my Hippogriff." He announced, and with a flourish left my sight completely.

I waited a few seconds to make sure he was really gone and collapsed back into the soft bedding, which formed around me with a thud.

I could always grab a few extra hours sleep, and who knows, I might actually dream of a Sirius who wasn't attracted to his dead best friends 15 year old son.


	44. Chapter 44

**A short chapter, with Rems toying with his emotions and James and Caleb doing each other some damage. Enjoy and leave a review, please!**

It was the day of the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw Quidditch match final and even though I don't know what team I was morally obligated to support I was quite enjoying myself. Sirius was sat beside me, quite awkwardly, as if I were someone he really despised but was being forced to sit with. Surely he'd got over this by now.

Caleb was showing off to get my attention, not that he needed to, we had been going out for months now; yet it was still sweet that he needed to grab my attention. His blue and silver robes were so beautifully matched to his complexion and they flex out behind him, glistening in the morning sun.

He looked like an angel.

That was until his bat made connection with a rather nasty bludger that shot straight into James's head. The figure next to me shot up, wand extended, shooting hex after hex at Caleb until he fell to the solid, sun dried grass. "Sirius" I hissed. "What the fuck are you playing at?" Pulling him down next to me, if only to push myself up and out of the stands, running down the stairs faster than I had ever run before and onto the pitch, sprinting straight to Caleb.

"Are you ok, honey?" I asked, stroking back his hair. He nodded, clutching his arm to his chest and wincing. "We have to get you to the infirmary, now. That bastard, I'll kill him later." I growled, helping Caleb up, glaring backwards to Sirius, who was now, with Lily by James's side.

Once we were in the infirmary, with me sat firmly by Caleb's bed, and the other side sat by James's. It was an us and them situation now.

I could hardly care less, I had Caleb, I loved him...definitely. Glancing back at Sirius I saw how beautiful he really was. His hair was a mess, his eyes were smouldering and dead set on me. Sirius. How I missed that previous life of mine.

I wished I could go back in tme and stop him doing the wrong he did me, and stop me wronging him so badly. I could bein his arms, James most probably would be fine.

I had caused all of this, all of this rivary, this tension. And I wante to take it back, as quickly as it came. But I was not begrudging the life I had now. It was good, I couldn't complain.

"Caleb, are you feeling any better?" I soothed, leaning over and kissing his forhead. "Yeah, my arms nearly fixed, I can feel it. I'm sure I'll be back in your dorm by this evening." I grinned, leaning over and kisisng him passionately, minding his arm, but assaulting his tongue.

I could feel three sets of eyes on the back of my head, threatening to frazzle my brain.

It took a few hours for Caleb to be discharged, but when he did he had to go sort things out with his team, and I had an essay to write. I wandered up to the dorm contemplating the reason for my existance when Lily began to walk alongside me. Appearing from some odd little corner and taking me by the arm towing me up to the common room and pushing me onto the window ledge.

"What the hell Remus?" She growled; eyes hard and threatening as emeralds. I shrugged, "What, Lily? I havent done anything."

"So not that sleazy Ravenclaw Quidditch douchebag you're bringing up to the dorm every other day, and that James and Sirius wont stop going on about. Remus, you're better than him, and he's changing you, I can see it, the guys can see it, he's a dickhead."

"So's James, Lily, but I'm not cornering you and telling you to break up with him." She sighed but carried on relentlessly. "Sirius knows he's done wrong, he knows dating all those girls just hurt the both of you, he is so sorry, but seeing you with Caleb is secretly killing him. He'll never show it, he has too much pride,"

"And thats what drove me away from him. Lily, I really dont care what Sirius is going through, I have been through enough shit in my life and he just gets to prance around getting every girl, being rich and talented and good at everything AND STILL have me fall at this feet then he has another thing coming." I said, jutting my chin out and puffing out my chest.

"See Rems, you're turning into him. The Remus John Lupin I know and love wouldn't do that. You know what, Rems, you're a dickhead, no wonder everyone now hates you."

"Lily, they hated me long ago, they put up with me the same way they put up with Peter, because I am what I am. I am not human, I am not pureblood or particularly talented or a rebel. They hated me long ago." She groaned and held back my shoulder.

"Remus, angsty does not suit you and even you know thats a lie. Wake up from this dick like trance you're in and for fucks sake get back with Sirius. He's beginning to piss me off" My hand made contact with her restraining one and shoved it off.

"Lily, stay out of my business." I growled, "You do not know half of the stuff Sirius has put me through. Lily, don't think he's the perfect one."

"I don't, I just think he needs you to balance him out." She explained, I began to walk off, turning back slightly, "I can't balance him any more Lily, I need to be my own person."

"Fine, go then Remus, it's not like any of us care any more."

I clenched my teeth together defiantly and stormed off in the direction of the Ravenclaw dorms, turning my back on the friends I've loved.

Maybe I was making a mistake but right at this moment I couldn't care less.

That was until I saw Sirius with Caleb's little brother Fabian against a wall. I knew this was such a huge mistake but If he was doing this to get at me then i had to stop it before the kid got hurt.

"Sirius, what are you doing to that poor child."

"Talking, now if you don't mind, I'm sure you have his big brother to go fuck." He growled, turning to galre at me with eyes like ice, sharp, deadly and most of all cold. He hated me, it was obvious, but until now I had hardly had to come to terms with it so abruptly. Sighing, I turned before I broke down and begged for him to take me back.

I really needed to make up my mind. I did not want Sirius back, and I did not want to be alone, but somehow I still wanted my friends to like me.

Maybe I just couldn't have both. Maybe I just wasn't that lucky.

Maybe it was just my life, to live alone or without love.

Maybe I should just curl up and die.

Regardless, I carried on walking, oblivious to the death of my happiness.


	45. Chapter 45

**Present chapter, bit of a random one, but oh well...enjoy review as always!**

Dolores Jane Umbridge. That name sent rage bubbling through my blood at the mere mention of it. That bitch made it impossible for me to get a job anywhere. And with Sirius having his heart set on starting a family, how the hell was that meant to happen if I didn't have a job?

Oh of course, I forgot, the Ancient and Noble House of Black's fortune. We couldn't rely on that forever. And if something happened to him...

Remus John Lupin you are definitely stuck between a rock and a hard place. Well at the moment technically I was stuck between a hippogriff and a bag of dead ferrets. Idly, I tossed Buckbeak another ferret, relishing in the peace and quiet of the rafters of my fiancé's house.

I'm thinking about this like we already had a child. It might not happen, we're not exactly in the best situation to have one.

How did he expect it to happen? He's an Azkaban escapee and I'm a werewolf. Hardly the stuff for a happy family. But what Sirius wants, Sirius gets...surely I had learnt that by now, so I should just give up and agree to adopt a child.

But what happens if it all goes wrong, Sirius gets fed up being a family man and I'm left with a child. That would be terrible, considering I wasn't the one to instigate the idea.

Not to mention the threat of the Dark Lord around, either of us could be killed at any time. And the fact that if anyone sees him he'll get sent back to Azkaban.

The more I thought about it the more reasons I found to not adopt.

A pink haired head popped enthusiastically around the door and grinned at me. I groaned at the intrusion and she took that as permission to come in.

Tonks sat next to me, making a dull thud as her slight frame hit the dusty floor. "Wotcher," She greeted, I nodded vaguely in her direction and tossed Buckbeak another snack. "What's up, Remus, you're normally happy, what's on your mind?" She asked. How could she be so peppy and happy and cheerful in the middle of war?

"Not much, Sirius being demanding again." I admitted, she leant her head into my shoulder, pink hair splaying onto the shoulder of my shirt. "He doesn't know a good thing when he has it, if I were with someone half as good as you I would pretty much worship the ground they walked on." I laughed shortly, "He never has been the most appreciative of people, I know he does appreciate me, he just doesn't show it." She folded her arms, leaning into me further, "He should." She huffed.

"Remus, you seem like the sortof guy who's a good listener...and I need someone to listen." I nodded and she sat up, taking a deep breath. "I really like this guy, and I don't think he knows I exist, and even if he did I don't think he cares. And I don't know what to do about it. If I tell him it'll just seem wierd but I'm scared I'm going to explode if I dont say anything."

I glanced over at her, hew face now tinted to match her hair, and jumped to the first conclusion my mind set on; "It's not Sirius is it?" I asked, a hint of worry seeping into my usually calm voice. "No, eew, he's a dickhead and my...first cousin...no that would be wierd."

"Yeah, that would...and I don't know why you think I have expertise in this area. I am marrying that dickhead, your first cousin." She grinned, but looked a little dejected, "I gotta go...work...I'll see you around Remus." I nodded as she slinked out of the room, leaving me in solitude.

What the hell was that girl on about? I had dated two people (not including Lily, that was more of a game) in my whole life and one of them I was marrying. What if she was takling about me?

Nah...couldn't be...I'm a 35 year old gay werewolf, and she's a 23 year old auror. Shouldn't she be after someone like Bill...that would make more sense.

Actually it probably was Bill, they were more suited, and Molly seemed to like the idea, well from the subtle hints she was giving Bill.

And I was engaged, I felt the thin band around my finer and smiled at the thought of the man I was marrying. The family we might have. I refuse to say will have yet. Maybe we could wait until the war was over, and if we're still alive by then then we'll consider it. I should probably go tell him. Or wait until he comes to find me.

Speak of the devil.

"Moonikins, you in here?" He called, walking into the room and shaking his head when I tossed Buckbeak another ferret. "What was that about me having to take responsibility, Rems" I shrugged as he took a seat where his cousin was, not more than a few moments prior. He leant his head into my shoulder and intertwined our hands, twirling the piece of metal on my finger. "Have you thought about it Moons?" I nodded, turning my head to kiss his; "Yes, and I think that we should wait a bit, at least until the war's over, how are we meant to bring a kid into the middle of a war."

"Remus, you're missing the point. There is a child out there with no parents, no-one to protect them in all of this, if we could bring a child, our child into all of this, with some of the most talented aurors around to protect him or her, then I think that is what we should do; not to mention the **badass** werewolf and Azkaban convict around who'd give their lives for him or her."

"Oh Siri, how could I say no to a arguement like that. But I'm not promising any results just yet, because it needs to be the right child, and I can't promise we'll find that yet." He perked up, sitting up straight and turned to face me. "Remus, I love you, I love you so much, you're the best fiance ever!" He declared, crashing his lips onto mine.

After I had been deprived of oxygen quite long enough I pushed him off, but held him against me tightly, "Siri, we're going to be parents!" I grinned, and he rested his head against my chest.

"No Rems, we are going to be _the best parents!_"


	46. Chapter 46

**Past again, I forget what happens in this one...sorry it's been a long time, my beautiful and talented counterpart has been off to sunny (?I think) France and left me alone :( So enjoy for she is back now!**

It had been playing on my mind all day, tearing it into two sides, whether I should, or shouldn't. Personally, I found it to be an irritating tennis match between my gut instinct and my better nature.

As I sat with Caleb on my gold and red bedding, making small talk and trying to keep my mind off Sirius and his growing fascination with Caleb's little brother, but mainly Sirius on his own, his beauty, his casual arrogance, and his determination to piss Caleb off. To say that I missed him would be the most heinous understatement I ever made, I missed him like I would miss the sun, like I would miss water or food or oxygen or shelter on a stormy night because to me he was all of these things and more, he was a confidant, a lover, a friend. And I had lost all of that.

No I hadn't lost it, I had ordered it away and now had to live with the consequences. More like survive the consequences, see him flourishing with meaningless, faceless girls. Try to find happiness for myself, but thats not so easy when you're an underweight, lanky, scarred freak like me.

I hated myself.

In the letting down of my guard, the tennis match was won, though it was not as bold as I thought it would be, "Hey...Caleb..." I began, timid as a shower on a summer day. "What would you do if you found out that I was like, say, for example, a half breed, or something like that...?" I blurted, instantly cursing myself for being so open and so so stupid. He hadn't seemed to catch on though.

He snorted offhandedly, a typical trait of him, this arrogance that he carried around suited him about as much as lingerie would suit a donkey. "Well, what can I say about it, I'm a 'mudblood'...though it would all have to depend on what you are. If you were a Veela for instance, which I could believe because you're so damn sexy, I wouldn't mind, but I wouldn't want to get on your bad side,"

I fidgeted uncomfortably and knawed on my bottom lip. "But if you were something like a werewolf, for example and I know ! shouldn't discriminate because I'm hardly high up the food chain, I think that would just be too much, an out of control monster as your boyfriend" - he shuddered - "that would just be horrible. Yeah well, at least you're gay, so it might be alright, can you imagine them things going round impregnating women with spawn? We'd be overrun with the pests in no time, there must be a law against it, after all that that Greyback guy has done, who wouldn't be wary of them."

I was at a loss, so thats what he thought of me, well would think of me if he knew. Words rang around in my head: MONSTERS, SPAWN, PESTS, GREYBACK, MONSTERS, SPAWN, PESTS, GREYBACK, MONSTERS, SPAWN, PESTS, GREYBACK, MONSTERS, SPAWN, PESTS, GREYBACK. Faster until I felt dizzy and sick and angry and depressed all at once.

"Oh come on, I still love you" He said confidently, taking both of my hands, not that I could meet his gaze. "I just think that this little game of what if is going over the top, werewolves are really dark creatures, who wouldn't be scared."

Really. Dark. Creatures. "What, so if I was a werewolf you'd leave me?" I meant to sound fierce and confident but it barely came out as a whisper. I sat there, a scolded child, averting my gaze and fearing for the exposure of my secret.

After a few long tense seconds Caleb sat up straighter and threw my hands down where they thudded to the mattress. "Oh for Merlin's sake Remus, what is wrong with you? You can't seriously be offended by all of this. It's not like this is real, I've made it perfectly crystal clear that this is stupid. And anyway...I'm sorry for valuing my life!" My lip was now bleeding from how hard I had dug my teeth in, copper leaking into my mouth. "What is it, Rems, why now, there must be a reason right?" Shit shit shit shit shit shit, he's going to find out, I'm sliding down a muddy slope into a river with jagged rocks in.

In other words. I'm going to die.

"Are you ok-" His stream of speech was interrupted by Sirius making a rather dramatic entry. I was saved.

Well, almost.

He let out an overly loud exasperated groan, interrupting the conversation I wish never happened. "You have no _idea_ how tired I am! There are still 4 days until my" He coughed loudly, raking Calebs gaze from my face to glare at his. "_time-of-the-month"_ He said this with so much emphasis that my jaw dropped and my eyes near enough popped out of their sockets. "Which makes me think it's going to be a strong one! Rems, I know you hate me and all but can you please help me out with my _monthly problem_ this month, please? I know last time was a bit of a close shave but I really, really need you this time if my _animal instinct _is right about it." I was still a little busy gawping to register anything. "What are you on about Sirius?" I hissed as his body thudded against his bed.

"Oh come on, you've been going out long enough, he needs to know your friends. It's better than him getting the _wrong idea_, anyway, I'm tired, I'm going to sleep." He stood and began to take his top off.

Not with Caleb here, please no, please, oh Merlin had he gotten fitter? His muscles ripped out behind him as his top fell over his head, dispelling the mass of molten chocolate hair he possessed. Inwardly, I groaned, I had missed seeing him, like this. I had trained myself to not look at him just before he slipped into sleep. If I did I would hvae fallen into his arms long before now.

But would that have been so bad? I would have been with the man I love, not with someone who despised the very esscence of me, even if he didn't know it yet. Caleb was shrieking at Sirius, apparently offended by his naturally astounding body. I covered my face with my hands, if I looked for much longer I would give away my true feelings. "He sleeps naked-" I explained, when Calebs shrieks finally penetrated my inner peace.

"I'm what they call hot, and if you are truly as homosexual as you think you are you would not be able to resist me!" Sirius said, evoking scoffs from Caleb. "What pray tell is there to resist?"

"Dont get him started," I pleaded, before my firm resolve melted and shrank away down the drain. I tried drowning it out, I really did, but it was no good. "My strong, comforting biceps that could protect you from harm; abdominals to touch all night; supple latissimus; ripping pectorals and my personal favourite: a nice firm arse."

Oh that arse, how I missed it, and his biceps that really did feel like the safest place on Earth. And there had been many nights when I had just wanted to be near him just to touch his abs. He was an entirely perfect person.

And I knew that the next speech he made was for me, for it whisked me away to a place where me and Sirius could just be together, and he's be the man of my dreams. "In terms of personality though, I'm not the most faithful of characters and most of the time I'm downright idiotic, bbut my intentions are pure; I care about those I love without question and when they're in danger I'll be the first to help them. I don't lie about my emotions to the people I love, when I say you're beautiful; I truly mean it."

A dagger blow in my heart, that nearly tore me apart. I couldn't breathe, where had all the air gone? My lungs had elastic bands around them that were tightening into shape and constricting all of my major functions. I may have flinched, I may have stayed rock solid, I could no longer tell, but that glimpse of the man of my dreams was gone as soon as it arrived, and in no time he was back to his old arrogant self.

"But, Sirius, you need to be there when I announce the Easter Ball the Prefects are organising!" I said robotically, my brain being disconnected somewhere in the process. "I'm not getting redressed!" He exclaimed, well stay naked then, I dont mind, I thought quietly, in case Caleb could hear thoughts.

"Well, I think you know what a ball entails, and well Flitwick told me to tell you that he would very much like you to play piano there," I said awkwardly, I never much fancied being an owl.

"Tell Flitwick that I told you to tell him to fuck off." He growled, curling further into himself. I laughed a little to myself in spite of the fact that my brain was disconnected from my body. "Yeah, he thought you'd say something like that, so with a little persuasion from me, he said as payment, he'll charm your bike to fly."

**_Review now or else I will set Sirius on you...he's very ferocious this time of year. Grrrrr._**


	47. Chapter 47

**This is a funny little chappie, hope you enjoy!**

"Goodbye Sirius," I said somewhat sternly, imprinting into him the fact that I was actually leaving to help the Order today. "No, Remus, you are not going anywhere. We have important things to discuss." He replied, stomping into the hallway and grabbing my shirt. "We can discuss them later," I reasoned, throwing his hand off and making more headway towards the door. "No we can't. I really need to discuss something with you now, before I forget."

Giving up, and shooting an apologetic look at Kingsley I followed Sirius upstairs, to our shared room; making sure none of the kids saw us on the way up. Once he'd carefully locked the door he grinned devilishly. A grin that had always meant that some bad fortune would always befall me by Sirius's hand.

And thus why I found myself now chained one handedly to the bedpost.

"Sirius," I hissed, "Let me go right now." He sauntered over to me and placed a kiss on my lips. "Now, Remmie, where's the fun in that?" He taunted, dancing out of my reach. Admittedly, this wasn't the first time I'd been chained to Sirius's bed, but the last time I had been just out of Hogwarts, when I and Sirius moved in together, and he had used our old ties, which were considerably more comfortable.

"Come back here you oversized fleabag," I hissed again, if anyone heard me they'd come to see what was going on and I'd rather the whole Order didn't know that Sirius had tied me to a bed and left me there. "Rems, you're words stab at me with the force of a thousand swords. I'm hurt."

"_You're _hurt. I'm the one tied to a bed by my psychotic fiancé, if you think we're ever, _ever_ going to look into getting a child when this is how you treat me; you've got the wrong end of the stick." In reply he leapt sideways onto the bed, landing sitting, legs outstretched beside me. "Oh, Remsicles please don't be like that, I don't want you going out into that big bad world and being injured, I'm doing this to protect you. And it's one of my top 5 fantasies, but anyway, if you want a child you have to learn to look after yourself first."

"When was the last time you washed and shaved Siri?" He sat up straighter, glaring at me. "That's beside the point." He declared, never wavering his gaze from my face.

"That's _exactly_ the point! You can't look after yourself, so telling me I can't look after myself is a little hypocritical, is it not?" He flexed a muscle in his jaw and sat on top of my stomach, facing me, crossing his legs on my chest. "Remus, if you're going to get angry at every little thing then you will not be a good parent." He scolded, crossing his arms like he did when he was about 5 I can imagine.

"I will be a wonderful parent, Siri, unlike you, you see when you tie the children to the bed for bad behavior I will be the one they run to crying and I will say 'I know darling, he did it to me once, he's insane you see,' and therefore I will be a better parent than you." I nodded once, indignantly, to punctuate my point and Sirius, grinning and shaking his head, leant down to kiss me briefly on the lips.

"Oh, I won't chain them to the bed, because I only do that to my sexy Remus Lupin. What sort of man, dog, being do you think I am?"

"A psychotic one?" I asked innocently, pulling against the metal. A know-it-all grin split his face in two and he patted me on the head "If you struggle you're only going to hurt yourself."

And I couldn't even fold my arms to sulk.

"Let me go or I will cut open your stomach and laugh as your entrails spill out over this god aweful interior design that could've been put together by a blast ended skrewt with a paintbrush," Grinning, Sirius crawled up to straddle my waist and I frowned at him.

"Oh, Remmie, I love it when you get all sexy and threaten me like that." He breathed, leaning down to kiss me. Haughtily, I turned my head away from me, so he just kissed my cheek. "Stop rejecting me or I will never let you go," Head held high I turned to face him. "Then so be it." I hissed, in defiance, he turned into his animagus and curled up next to me, pelting me with literal puppy dog eyes.

"What do you want? Because me, I want to be free, to go save the free wizarding world from alomst certain demise and all you wanted was to chain your fiancé to a bed when if you'd asked nicely, when he got back he would've happily met you there anyway."

Sirius's answer was just to roll on his back and grin at me upside down; waggling his tail in happiness. Feeling a little kind I rubbed his stomach, wondering what that actually felt like as a dog. He whined unintentionally and shuffled into my side more. "You know, Siri, I prefer you as a dog, firstly, no opposable thumbs to chain people up with, two, no speech, three, you're cuddly, four, you can't nag me about having kids and five, you're a lot more loving,"

He put his paws over his face, obviously my list was too long for him. "Can you let me go now please?" I begged, taking his paws and looking him dead in the eye. He shifted back, yet licked my face, as a human and shook his head. "We're talking, I like it, thats why I wont let you go, hey if we get a kid, what'll we call it?" He said excitedly, completely veering off the topic and bouncing up and down on the bed, grinning.

"I dont know, we dont even know how we're going to do this yet. I mean are we going to find a surrogate mum or are we going to adopt an orphan?"

"I don't care, a kid is a kid, it will be ours and I will love it and much as I love you and we will be happy and it will be the best child ever in the world ever!"


	48. Chapter 48

**Now for some healthy Caleb-bashing! In the past...enjoy, review! **

I heard Fabian skip into the dorm and over to Sirius, landing on his bed with a thud.

I on the other hand continued to kiss his older brother like it was the last day on Earth. Almost disregarding the comments he made about my species our relationship had got back to normal. But now for me there was always that niggling feeling that if he found out, he would hate me.

So thats true love is it?

Well I knew I never really loved Caleb, he was just someone to hold down the fort until Sirius decided to return to me. Sure, I felt things for him, just nowhere near as strongly as I felt for Sirius, and my tolerance for Caleb was depleating by the minute.

He pulled away, threading his fingers through mine and turning to his smaller half brother. "Don't get your hopes up," He groaned, completely ignoring my presence and letting go of my hand.

"Why because in two years he'll turn out like you?" Sirius laughed, wrapping his arms around the metamorphagus and pulling him close. To be quite honest I was more than jealous. To think, that could be me, that was me, colse enough to feel his hair, his protective arms shielding me from the outside world. His godly aroma that I missed so much. He still didn't realise I had taken one of his pillows and replaced it with one of mine because I missed his scent so much.

"Fuck off Black," Caleb grunted leaning forwards a little more, trying to appear threatening. I noticed the grin on Sirius's face, the grin that had always made me swoon and meant that he was up to no good and enjoying other peoples misfortune.

"Awww, diddums, are you still angwy fwom when I put those doxys in your underwear?" He said in an overly patronising voice. I would stop this, but as a monsterous half breed I'm not sure I'd have much influence.

I'd probably just want to impregnate women with my spawn and not help anyone out. Oh, and of course, a really dark creature shouldn't even be talking to pure breeds like me, there should be a law against it, isn't that right Caleb? I thought snidely as he looked to me for help.

"Yes, and that time you hexed my broom so I could only turn right; oh and the time I handed in that potions essay with I love cock emblazoned on the front and every ingredient in it changed to the word penis. Oh and when you put me uner a confundus charm and gave me Frank Longbottoms from with a wig on and made me snog it. Until it died. He's still pissed off at me."

Sirius put his hand over his heart and nodded, smiling. "You know, it hurts to have so much creativity and wisdom pulsing through these veins, I've been hoping that if I fuck Fabes hard enough some of this extraordinary talent might just pass into him,"

Caleb went bright red, scowling at Sirius so hard I thought he might just drop dead. "You are a dick, imagine if I went and fucked your little brother!" He yelled increduously. Oh is a half breed no longer good enough for you?

"You can have him, he's a freak!" Sirius laughed. I was sniggering under my breath by this point, but trying to hide it. "Oh shut up!" Caleb cried, flopping backwards and landing next to me.

"Is this funny to you, you're meant to be my partner!" He accused as I burst out into peals of laughter.

"Aw, is your ego wounder Kadweeb?" Sirius said, in between rolling around on the bed with laughter. "Didn't I tell you to fuck off Sirius I-have-pubes-for-hair Black?"

"If your pubes looked as good as my hair you would be a world famous porn star with a talking dick and a gold rimmed arsehole, and since you are none of the above you can only dream that your pubes look as good as my hair."

"Thats true y'know" I added quietly.

"Who says I dont have a talking dick?" Caleb yelled a little too loud, so now I am absolutely certain the whole of Gryffindor house heard him.

Sirius paused, thinking theatrically "That just might explain a lot, do you let your cock do the talking? Is that why Remus is constantly depressed nowadays, because you're such a dickead who lets his dick speak for him. Yeah, that would make sense." Sirius concluded, much to my dismay. True, I was depressed most of the time, true it was all Calebs fault. But to have that laid bare in the presence of the offender, that wasn't something I wanted.

"You know, you're like one of those wasps, one of the ones that crawl under yoru skin and plants its eggs and then when they hatch loads of tiny wasps fly out and attack people. Yeah, Black thats what you are!"

"Hmmm," He sneered, "You know, I think you're right - I mean, I've already laid my eggs in Fabian ans Remus...I'd say Remus is about ready to hatch so I wouldn't go anywhere near him for the next few weeks or you might me attacked by my children."

Caleb hastily got to his feet and squared up with Sirius. "No-one tells me what to do! We're taking this outside!"

Getting up gracefully Sirius stood in front of Caleb, a good few inches shorter but infinitely more muscled. "I'm sorry, I was only presenting my wish to impregnate my darling Remus over there" He pouted "But I like it in here, it's warm and cosy and the more people around the more embarassing it is for you and that is good for me."

He stepped closer to Sirius, flexing his muscles and clenching his fist. No, no, no, no this couldn't ahppen I would not let them fight, because if they did I would take Sirius's side and lose Caleb, and then Sirius would run off too because thats what he does.

"Why don't you try that again you little shit?" Caleb threatened, imposing even further on Sirius, whose stoic expression was enraging the other further.

"Well?"

Sirius licked his face. Licked it. Right there in front of us. Licked his face.

"You taste like lonliness and butt crack...I think you might need to sort that out." He sighed, I giggled "And of course Sirius, you'd know what that tastes like?"

He turned to me smiling radiantly, expelling all the shadows from the room. "Yes, and I think you need to keep a closer eye on this one because that did not taste like you, yours tastes like roses and sweet things last time I checked...or has your diet changed since then?"

"The last time you checked was over a year ago so most probably yes," I grinned back at him, trying to express the love I felt for him and the need I had to have him back in my arms. "Oh, thats right I forgot you liked to lick my arse in the night!"

He flew across the room and had my hands in his, he was down on one knee. "Oh, Rems darling, it's not only in the night, I'm a full time Remus arse lick! Ready for your every command! I like to lick the surfaces you have sat on - it's all thats keeping me going these lonely days!" He grinned and laughed, leaving a quick unseen kiss on my hands before I answered. I leant down to his ear and breathed my repy in "There's something wrong with you, honey!"

"Touché, Moons..." He mumbled, getting up and moving away from me, rubbing his eye and deep in thought.

After aimlessly wandering around the dorm for a bit he made for the door "Toodle pip, I'm off to the races." He tried to make it seem like he was ok, but I knew him better.

"Caleb, no don't!" I protested as my boyfriend got up to follow Sirius and cause more trouble. "You can't just let him get away with that!" He yelled back, slamming the door in my face.

Instead of returning to my bed, I listened at the door to the raised conversation going on below. "Where are you going, I'm not done with you?"

"Well, I'm done with you, get out of my sight," Sirius said dejectedly.

"Oh hard man, getting all surly, think you can take me on, eh?"

"What is there to achieve if you fight me when no-one watching?" He heaved, stepping away a bit. "Leave me alone."

"I'm trying to assert my dominance over worthless losers like you" He growled. Things got quieter, they had obviously moved down a bit. I stepped out of the dorm and hid around the corner, wanting to see what was going on.

"Remus doesn't care about dominance. He needs your heart, your care, your body, your loe; not empty threats and promises you'll never make good on. If you can't give at least one of them to him then you are more pathetic than any 'worthless loser' you will ever meet."

My heart swooned and I felt faint. I wanted to run down and hug him, kiss him and never let him go. Caleb laughed cruelly, "Who said this was about him, I couldn't care less what he needs, all I needed was a good fuck. And I just want to destroy you, fair and square."

I scrambled up to the dorm, already in tears and flung myself onto my bed, crying myself to sleep, not for the first time over a boy who didn't love me.

"You alright?" Fabian asked. I glanced over my shoulder at the worried 5th year sat on my ex partners bed. "Why do you care?" I sniffed.

"Because Caleb's a dick, and you aren't too bad. Sirius still loves you, a lot, he asks me to transform into you practically every day. It's beginning to piss me off actually, can't you just say sorry and take him back? I mean, I like him, but obviously not as much as you do. I think what ever you fell out about is in the past and you should just forget about it."

"I wish I could." I huffed, lying face down on the bed, hoping this would be enough to get rid of the annoyingly right boy.

Sirius walked in and plopped down on the small fo my back, legs either side. "How can you love that beast Remus. He's an idiot, a dick, an arsehole, a douchebag, Rems, darling, you're way above that. Come on, being single has to be better than dating that Arse-dick-douche-idiot!"

"Yes because SIrius you'd know all about being single wouldn't you! You haven't been single a day in your life. I'm sure you were making out with girls in your bloody cot."

"I'll have you know I wasn't. Anyway, it's late, I'm going to sleep, its the Easter Ball tomorrow and I want to look my best." He huffed, clambering into bed next to Fabian who got up and left with a curt goodbye.

"Siri," I whispered, when we were alone in the dorm. He grunted in response, "Do you think you could forgive me?"

"Only if you forgive me" He replied as I hopped out of bed and kissed his forhead, leaving my lips there to whisper a thankyou before running back to my bed, the whole motion so fast I could've been a ghost.

**I forgot to mention last chapter so its abit late now but I have got over 5,000 hits now (nearer to 5,500 though) and I just want to say thakyou to all of you who have read so far, I love you all and to hit this is fantastic! I only have 29 reviews though! Can I please get to 50 so for every 100 views, one of you has to review or I will run away and cry!**


	49. Chapter 49

**Ok, so maybe this is a little short, so I shall give you a bit of a longer A/N. This is a fun little Remmie/Siri fluffy chapter..they haven't had much fun lately, and what better way to bring that in then to have one of the twins involved (not in _that _way!) **

**Anyway, you enjoy this now, and leave me and my good friend a review so we can know what you think because at the moment we have no clue whether you like it, hate it, or just read it out of boredom, so please review so you can have your say! I really hope one of you 5,700 hits jsut takes the time, to even anonymously review. Every opinion is welcome.**

Even though I had spent the whole day doing jobs around the house, trying to make it even more liveable now the kids had joined us, Molly had still told me and Sirius that we had to clear the table after dinner this evening.

She managed to pick the worst time possible to let me know though. I was sat at the table, wand in hand, intricately trying to fix the goddamn clock that chimed on the minute every minute since last week.

Sirius's theory was that Kreacher had tampred with it because there were so many 'disgraces' in the house, me being one of them. Sirius was sat opposite me at the time and I think he must've temporarily gave Molly a pigs tail, which, in hindsight was the best thing he could've done.

Admittedly, I did drop the clock and swear at him and so Molly had a go at me for swearing in the presence of children and Sirius got smacked over the head with a dishtowel for starting the whole thing.

And our joint punishment was to clean the kitchen after dinner, which was torture of the highest form.

Currently, my fiancé was wiping round the worktops grumbling about how this was a job for house elves and he was not an elf. I, on the other hand was stacking the plates tha thad belonged to random members of the Order, whoever was around at the time.

As I leant over the table to grab a plate further away from me I felt something slap across my arse. Blushing, I turned around to see a grinning Sirius mischieviously twirling a dishtowel by his side.

"You're gonna die, Black," I growled, advancing on him slowly. He smirked and ducked under my arm, standing behind me with his arms folded. Setting my jaw I rose above it and grabbed a cloth the lay crumpled by the sink, beginning to wipe down the table. Was it really that hard for ROn to keep his food on his plate?

You'd think that boy hadn't been fed in months, which, with a mother like molly we all knew was a physical impossibility. "Honestly Siri, you'd think half these kids had been raised by farm animals,"

He shot a patronising glance in my direction "Well, judging by Molly's little addition most of them were."

"Our kids wont be like that, they'll be perfectly brought up and they will be beautiful, and everyone will love them," I decided, Sirius wrapped his arms around my waist and stared deep into my practically glowing eyes.

I thought it was pretty obvious we were going to have children now. I loved him, and I was definitely going to spend the rest of my life with him. He'd been such a dickhead as a teenager I had concluded I could survive everything he could throw at me.

"Kids? We're planning on having more than one, Remmie, oh I love you!" He declared, catching my lips in a celebratory kiss. His tongue parted my lips and I gasped, staggering backwards into the sturdy oak table which supported me as I fell backwards.

Thank god it was a big table, Sirius shoved me up it and got on top of me so this thing was supproting both of our weight. Not that I noticed any of that as Sirius began his assault on my lips again.

"Siri, what if they come down, Harry and the others?" He looked up at me, almost laughing. "Darling. I'm not ashamed of what I am. If they find out then they find out. This is too good an opportunity to miss, so shut up and let me kiss you."

I nodded and leant up to meet him; starting off slowly and sweet and building until it was a fervent crash of passion. His hands held his weight slightly off me, well the weight of his torso at least, the botom half of his body was well and truly pinning me down.

The table was uncomfortable and hard and slippery but I couldn't care less.

That was until a throat was cleared behind my head. Euphoric still, I tilted my head upwards as the animagi on top of me carried on to kiss my neck.

Seeing who the owner of the voice was brought me to sit up sharply. Sirius fell off onto the floor and I got up, smoothing my shirt down. "Don't stop on my account," George Weasley said, leant against the counter with a steaming cup of tea clasped in his hands.

"What are you doing down here at this time?" I snapped, Sirius behind me sniggering. "Got a problem George?" He asked snidely, wrapping an arm around my waist.

", but my mother will." He stated, grinning and taking a swig of tea. Sirius sauntered over to him staring him down. "But you're not going to do that are you George?" He asked, his voice dripping with malice and meaning.

"Maybe I wont. But maybe I would be more inclined not to if there was something in it for me." George raised an eyebrow and held out his hand, bending his fingers towards him.

Grumbling, Sirius dropped a small bag of money into Georges begging palm, then turned and left the room, towing me by the wrist.

Grinning and with a renewed sense of Marauderism I waved back at George before he disappeared out of sight to be replaced by the wall of the hallway I was being tugged through.

We jogged up to the bedroom we shared and wasted no time picking up where we left off.

This might just be a good night after all.


	50. Chapter 50

**WE'VE HIT 50 That means between me and Lex we have 100 chapters, how cool is that! So guys, with this many hits and this many chapters, could I please get to 30-35 reviews, please please please. This is an awesome long, sexy, fabby chapter! Hope you enjoy it, there're a few twists and turns and little things that you might not have seen, so lemme know what you think.**

The mirror reflected back a man I didn't know, and I really didn't know who he was. His hair was long and unkempt, his tie was a gift from a man he hardly cared for. His studies were most definitely slipping because he was pining for a man he had told to go away. I know I brought all of this on myself.

He was stood behind me while I perfected my tie, he looked amazing, a cravat and waistcoat adorning his muscular form. I loved him, I wanted him back, and that wasnt going to happen.

I stepped away from the mirror, sick of this stranger staring back; galring at me like the idiot I was.

"Umm, do you need the mirror to adjust your cravat?" I tried to say cooly, choking on my voicebox. I knew it was already perfect. He would've looked good in a dress made of rotting vegetables. My heart cracked right down the middle, aching to hold him again.

I wonder is he had the same urge, to touch me and hold me close and never let me go again.

Probably not, I was a complete and utter dick and I deserved nothing more than the oxygen I breathed and the dirt I stood on.

"You know," I mused, crossing my legs up onto the trunk I was sat on. "I think it will be really fun seeing everyone dressed up and together like proper grown ups. Lily showed me the dress she's wearing and if I weren't gay I'd be so after her, btu James'll be so proud." The steam had ran out, my ramble fizzling. My head dipped as I had an image of Sirius on my arm, flying around the dancefloor with me and knocking over everyone else inthe process, laughing and playing with my hair.

"I'm so glad we've made up now, no hard feelings right? It'll be nice to Dance with you," If I didn't force these words out now, they never would. "as friends."

He sagged a little, air leaving his system...I'd killed him, I had killed him.

Oh hell, how can I make this better? "Look, Caleb got me a tie to match his, isnt that cute?" I babbled, pointing to the hideous gold strip of fabric around my neck.

He laughed hollowly, as if that were the only thing that would keep the temple that was his body from crumbling into dust.

"You accepted something from Kadweeb?" He scoffed. I shrugged and leapt up, this wasnt me, whoever was controlling my body was some sadistic temptress that was dangling me in front of him, waiting for him to finally give up, at which point she'd let me go to deal with the aftermath of 'my' actions.

"How do I look?" I asked, cursing the words as soon as they left my mouth. This was the straw that broke the camels back in my eyes.

He gawped for a second, words caught in his throat like flies in a spiders web.

He walked over, a slow, silent funeral march. He reached me and placed a burning kiss on my cheek, that would be washed away with tears as soon as I was alone.

"You look stunning..." He trailed, and before I could open my eyes he was gone.

The ball was dull, not because of the music that Sirius was playing, and not because of the people. Just because I wanted to be in the arms of Sirius, not Caleb.

Caleb was distracted, and I was bored. I kept glancing over at Sirius never quite taking in enough of his beauty and wonder.

It wasn't long before Caleb excused himself and walked briskly out of the hall. Where was he going? Had I really been that disconnected from the world that I'd driven my boyfriend away from me?

Well, even if I did it wasn't that much of a loss.

But then again, I did want to know what he was up to, because it certainly wasn't the Charms essay he told me he had to do. I'd helped him with that the other day.

Steathily, I followed him further and further into the heart of the castle until we were a few corridors away from the Slytherin dorm. Not much to my surprise, Regulus was stood against the wall, looking suspiciously at Caleb who was only a few yards away now.

"You wanted to see me?" Regulus asked, stepping away from the wall to greet Caleb.

Without another word Caleb started to kiss Regulus ferociously, pulling away after only a few seconds to grab his hand and tug him off towards the dorms.

I'm guessing that I was dumped then? Then again, I obviously hadn't been meant to see that, so was I meant to pretend that I still liked him. Well I wasn't that great an actor.

I needed to think, desperately needed some air, and if I didn't get out of this corridor soon I was going to suffocate.

I didn't care about Caleb enough that it really hurt but to think that I had been devalued that much.

I stumbled and staggered my way around the school, unsure where I'd end up, but hopefully that place was my bed.

It took a good 45 minutes before I reached my destination, crossing Dumbledore on the way up, he was going down. I passed it off as him having the same idea I subconciously had.

Already I could feel the air swirling around my person, cooling me down and proving to myself that I was still human.

A sillhouette that stole my breath like a thief in the night was stood leaning over the railings. He turned, grey eyes lighting up the evening with their icy, surprised gaze.

I walked over slowly, scared he might bite my head off or throw me over the railings. He studied me carefully and I in response gulped.

The last time he looked at me like this was when we were together, I missed those days. The days when I was truly happy. I leant against the bars, tilting my head up to see the roof and the glittering beings beyond.

Looking over at Sirius I sighed heavily, the weight of our lost relationship weighing heavily on my soul. Crushing my once jovial spirit and turning my old before my time.

"Clabe's a dickhead..." I trailed off, not wanting to reveal the knowledge I had recently aquired.

"I could have told you that months ago." He huffed, not in his normal social mood.

"I know, I think you did. I just didn't listen because, well, I dont know." He looked away from me, out to the lake and the grounds.

I removed my tie which had somehow survived so far and dropped it from the balcony. Under Sirius's hungry gaze I popped open a few more buttons.

Closing my eyes and relishing in the cool night air I began to speak again. "It's so good to be able to breathe, alone like this, away from everything down there." I drew the air in slowly, loving the very notion of breathing.

I began to formulate an idea in my head, and knew if I didn't act on it now I never would.

"You aren't alone if I'm here." Sirius whispered as if it were some illicit secret that no-one else would ever figure out.

"Ok then, alone here," I grinned seductively, edging nearer to his body heat. "like this..._with you."_ I brought my hand to the front of his hair and brushed it back, intertwining my hands deeper and deeper bringing myself closer to him until we were almost chest to chest.

Gradually, testing the reaction I grazed my lips against his, in a way I used to do to wake him up or when in the rare occasion he was trying to do his homework. It was a fun game of mine to try and distract him to the point where he'd give up and accept the detention, if just to kiss me more.

I tried edging my tongue into his mouth but he pushed me away, looking at me with such regret that I almost ran away right there and then.

"Please...don't do this...I can see that Caleb has hurt you and I thinm this is worthless and hurtful if you dont love me..."

"But I do..." I whispered meekly, hoping it would carry and hit home. In a vain attempt to get him to listen I grabbed his arm, the feel of muscle and vein pulsing beneath my fingers sapping the life out of me.

"Thats the thing, you don't...you're playing around and all your doing is wasting your energy. What can you get from this...there's nothing left of me to pull lower than I am."

Tears sprang to my eyes, fighting to bound down my face like a waterfall, never stopping, not until they bled me dry and left a dry shell, the outside cocoon, the butterfly inside long fled.

"Thats not what I'm trying to do." I insisted quietly.

He seemed to explode before my eyes "Then what? What is it, come on tell me! Is this some game you and Caleb are playing with me? Let me tell you, in case you didn't hear before, I have nothing left. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" After his final outburst which left me quivering, there really did seem to be nothing left of him.

"You know, sometimes I think this is a horrible nightmare that I might jsut wake up from" He looked towards the ground, contemplating. "If I just jumped, if I just hit the ground, I'd wake up gasping with you by my side and realise it was all some stupid fiction and I'd stop the dare and we'd all be fine."

Drawing in breath, I kept my hand on his arm, turning him to look at me, "Sirius," I choked, "Please dont do anything stupid." I begged, fighting against his exasperated sigh.

If he jumped, what would I do,how would I live.

Answer:

I wouldn't

I would jump after him, hopefully soon enough after to die in his arms.

"Don't worry, this world is too alive, there's too much to see and hear and smell and too many feelings...too much." He extended his arm elegantly, a true Black, making everything so graceful.

He stepped up onto the bar, a mere two rungs separating him and nothing but thin air.

He wasn't even holding on, did he know how many lives were at risk here? Did he care?

I had to save the both of us. "Sirius...Siri, come down, please be careful." I implored him, scared to touch him lest he lose balance and fall by accident.

He tilted his head into the building, closing his eyes.

"Padfoot, are you listening? Please ju-" He interrupted me, turning his head towards mine.

"It feels astounding here Remmie, beautiful. Come on join me honey!" He laughed, opening his eyes to gaze down on me, grinning and reaching out to me with long pale fingers. "I won't let you fall." How could I refuse, the Devil himself was tempting me. My hand shook beside me, my slight fear of heights making itself known.

Eventually, I locked my fingers into his with all the strength I had.

It took a few good seconds of bliss before our descent from heaven came crashing down a whole lot faster.

"Remus, what are you doing? Let go of that piece of shit this instant." I winced, Calebs voice was a drill into my skull, I had planned on not ever seeing him again. I had no choice, I had to face this.

I gave Sirius my most apologetic look, and let go of his hand, taking all the brute strength I had to do so.

I strutted over to Caleb, rowling under my breath. "How dare you, how dare you sneak around snogging Sirius's brother, then expect me to give up the only happiness in my life for a cheating bastard li-"

"I'm sorry Moony," A calm, yet sorrowful voice came from behind me. ""I'm sorry for all the heart break, all the problems, the mistakes, the bad times… For what it's worth, I'm even sorry for the good times for making the bad times feel so much worse!"

I turned, just to see him drop off the edge of the building in an all too graceful manner.

"NO!" I roared, rushing over to the edge, "Arresto momentum," I screamed, wandlessly, but it was all I had that would work fast enough. Tears were dropping like bombs after him, falling to their doom along with the love of my life.

I saw him slow down a miniscule amount before hitting the ground with a sickening crunch and his leg at a jaunty angle to the rest of his body.

"Ha, well that is one way to get rid of the rubbish." Caleb commented, his voice an echo against the void that was me now.

I collapsed on the floor in a heap of what previously was Remus John Lupin. I had no tears left uncried, no emotion left unfelt and nothing left for anyone to take. I had fully given myself to the world and this is what I get in return.

"Get out of my life," I whispered to the man now casually walking from the room.

**If you're a crazy person who liked Caleb please review. I had a person in mind of who he's like but I want you to tell me what you think, brown hair, blonde hair, green eyes, whatever, I want to know what you thought!**

**And even if you hated him like me, review and tell me!**


	51. Chapter 51

**Hello, Thank-you to my lovely supporter 'me myself and u' (soz about lack of capitalisation) You are a truly wonderful reader! Thank-you to Miss Pronounced for being the 30th reviewer! And to everyone else who has reviewed! I love you all. And as for you 6,000 nameless readers, thank-you too! You are all beautiful and I love you, I truly do! On with the chapter!**

Sirius had not taken his eyes of Harry all day. Hello, I exist too, and I'm the neglected fiancé, I need attention too Siri.

I huffed, and sunk further into the chair that I had occupied for the past hour. It was when Sirius snuck out of the room that I thought I had to follow him. The kids wouldn't notice my presence, or lack thereof, and Sirius was up to no good.

It took me a while, navigating though congratulating children and scowling Mollys until I reached the door, in time to see Sirius grab at a photo and come bounding back to me.

I hunched over the picture to see it, it was us 14 years ago. This picture did actually have me looking quite good, and well, Sirius never looked anything less than astounding in my eyes.

"Ah yes, the order days...apart from the fact we both look rather dapper, why are you showing me this, it represents everything I've tried to forget." I sighed, twisting my head towards him, so close we were almost touching, the greying hairs on my head fizzling for contact.

He grinned, slowly. This grin scared me, he'd grinned at me that way before and it meant he was up to no good.

"Look what I can do..." He trailed off, poking the tattered picture furiously. "Fuck. Do it now." He dictated to the past me and him.

My expression was greatly mirrored by the one I was wearing at the moment. An expression that was halfway between disappointment, thinking 'well thats just Sirius' and anger was dancing around both our faces, and Sirius looked between us in disbelief.

"You haven't aged a bit!" He gawped, flicking his age between the real and fake me. Then, upon realising he had no effect on the picture. Pelting it with 'Puppy Dog' eyes "C'mon, just fuck or make out or _something!"_

Mini Siri folded his arms and picked up where his larger had left off "Yeah Remus, why wont we just fuck or make out or something?" He grumbled, turning to miniscule me. "The last time we had sex was at least 2 months ago."

"It was half a day ago you sex maniac!" I yelled back. Sirius came a little closer "Well maybe if you'd make it a bit more memorable...oh wait, thats it, you wont take me anymore because you're screwing the Dark Lord!" I winced, I remembered so many arguements like this, meaningless hurtful ones where I would be accused of being a traitor again and again when the true traitor slipped beneath our gaze that was too clouded with age old prejudices to see clearly.

"Well done, genius! You managed to get a photo of us to argue that'll probably wreck that photo for as long as we live. Only you could do that Siri. You're a true talent."

He draped an arm over my shoulders, with a romantic underhint that the children wouldn't pick up on at a glance. "And don't you just love me for it," He whispered, kissing my cheek briefly.

"No! No...riddikulus! Riddikulus! RIDDIKULUS!" Came a cry from upstairs, I jogged towards the sound of the crying and saw various bloodied corpses lying in front of Molly. "Whats going on...oh...Riddikulus" I said breezily as the moon that had appeared turned into smoke and evaporated.

Sirius was at the door, looking distraught. I'd talk to him about it later. "Molly," I breathed, crouching down and patting her back. Trying to remind her she wasn't alone in going through all this.

"Molly, it was just a stupid boggart..." I soothed, she was clutching onto me as if I were the last stable thing in a world that was falling to bits. "I see them dead all the time...in my dreams.." she cried. "D-d-don't tell Arthur. I-I don't want him to know...its jsut me being silly," I handed her a handkerchief that may or may not have been used in a few indecent acts over the past week...

Oh well. Too late now. "What must you think of me? I can't even get rid of a stupid boggart!" I was saved frmo consoling her any further by Harry who walked over with a reply of "Don't be stupid."

"I'm just so worried. Half the families in the Order, it'll be a miracle if we all come out of this alive... and P-Percy's not talking to us... what if something terrible happened and we d-d-didn't make up with him? A-and what's going to happen if Arthur and I get killed... who's g-going to look after Ron and Ginny?" She cried descending into more tears. This was when I subtly started shifting away from the blubbering wreck that was called Molly Weasley.

"That's enough. This is not like last time, we know what Voldemorts up to. We're prepared." I reasoned, shooting a galnce at Sirius as if to say 'help me'. But it didn't work, and using 'his' name just made her vice like grip, crafted from years and years of cleaning and cooking and knitting christmas jumpers, descend on my shoulder, so hard I thought the bone would crumble.

"Oh Molly, its about time you got used to his name...I can't promise we'll all be fine, but there is so much more chance this time! You weren't in it last time, it was terrible, we were outnumbered, 20 to 1 and and they were just picking us off, bit by bit." I stated, hardly revealing the pain and suffering I personally went through.

Sirius walked over, trying to look like a good samaritan, and untimately failing. "And don't worry about Percy...he'll come round when the Ministry realise Voldemorts actually out there. They'll be begging us for forgiveness. _But I dont think I'll accept their apology" _He snarled, that was the worst bit, believing that the love of my life was a murderer.

"And as for who'd look after Ron and Ginny, what do you think we'd do, chuck them out on the streets?"

She grinned, still red and puffy eyed, "Yeah, I'm just being silly." She admitted, walking out of the room and bustling Harry along with her.

Sirius came right over to me and stood shoulder to shoulder, glaring at me under his eyebrows. "Never ever ever are we ever looking after her goddamn fugly children"

I laughed and sighed, looping my arm over his shoulder; "Oh Siri, you never fail to amuse me." Except the look on his face told me he wasn't joking.

_**review!**_


	52. Chapter 52

**Some bundle of cuteness from me to you! Enjoy!**

I was sore, alone and cold. Laid in the Astronomy Tower with the frigid tentacles of early morning suffocating my body.

For a few blissful moments I was unaware of what had happened the night before, sighing and stretching as my back clicked itself into place. My face had the starchiness of having tears run down it the night before and all of a sudden it came back.

Sirius falling. The crunch. I shot up and flung my head over the balcony, staring at the ground for Sirius's mangled corpse.

It was gone. How could it be gone? How long had I been asleep? Where was he? I had to see him, I had to have closure on this, even if it was too soon, he couldn't go through this alone. He needed me just as much as I needed him.

My unsteady legs held my body upright as a overpowering dizziness swept over me. I looked terrible, my shirt was dirty. The tangled dregs of hair about my face held the same matted dirt as my once white shirt. What lesson did I have first?

It was Easter.

A dark haired head popped around the corner. "James," I gasped, "Sirius...James...he, and I...too slow...not enough..." I breathed, staggering towards him with all the willpower I had left. "James...he's d-dead" I cried, collaping into his arms as he held me. It wasn't in a romantic way, it was just one friend supporting another.

"Moony. You saved his life. He's fine." I responed in one huge sob of relief, he was ok, he was alive, he was breathing. He still wasn't mine though. "Come with me, I'll take you to him, he's been asking for you." That was all I needed. There was only one place he would be, his leg was defininitely broken. He couldn't be anywhere but the infirmiry.

I sprinted away from James and didn't stop until I carreered into the hospital wing catching myself on the doorframe to make sure I didn't fall. "Mr Lupin!" Madame Pomfrey scolded, "This is a place for healing, not for running around like a hooligan!" I panted an apology, walking hurriedly over to Sirius, who was laid on a bed in the middle of the ward.

"Siri, Padfoot, darling, please dont _ever _do that again." I sobbed, clutching his hand as if it were the only possession I had that weren't destroyed in a freak accident. He was asleep, dozing gracefully, his dark hair splaying on the pillow and a faint smile playing on his lips as he slept. Was he thinking of me?

"Please wake up, I thought you'd died, I thought I wasn't fast enough. Please just wake up." His eyes flew open at once and he beamed up at me. I couldn't contain myself, I flung myself on top of him and held him close; he coughed and spluttered, but eventually hugged me back. "Thank-you," He whispered in my ear. "I have to explain, I was talking to Clabe because I-I saw him with Regulus, I was breaking up with him. I never wanted...never dreamed..." He pressed his lips to mine to silence me.

"I didn't want to live in a world where you wanted him over me. He was a terrible terrible person who never had any of your interest at heart. I've done some horrible things to you, things that I will regret for the rest of my life. But I know that if you take me back I will be whatever you want for the rest of time. I will love you Remus, until the sun stops shining."

Tears were pouring from my eyes. This was the moment that I've been waiting for since the moment we split up. "I'm sorry, Sirius, I'm so sorry, I sent you away and I tore both of us to shreds. I don't deserve you, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve your apology, but because I'm a selfish bastard I am never letting you go again. Forgive me, and be mine again?" I asked quietly. He pushed me away from the hug to look me dead in the eye: "Of course."

I gasped without opening my mouth and then forgot how to breathe. It took about 30 seconds before Sirius realised that I was going to die of oxygen deprivation and he got my shoulders and shook them. "Breathe! Remmie, breathe!" He begged, I did so under his command and studied his whole body, he looked fine.

"Excuse me," I said politely, directing it at Madame Pomfrey, who was eyeing me with strong disdain. "Why is he still in here, he looks fine." I pointed out.

"Mr Lupin, I would thank you not to do my job for me."

"But he's fine. He just needs to rest up in the dorm."

"I dont think you are in the correct position to be disputing my patients wellbeing." I got up on the bed and sat on Sirius's lap, crossing my legs over each other. "Is this a better position. As you can see, I am on his lap and Sirius, are you in pain?" He shook his head, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing my neck, much to the dismay and shock of a startled first year sitting opposite.

"Hey kid, you never seen true love before? Just 'cause we're both men doesnt make it any different." Sirius snapped. Madame Pomfrey folded her arms and frowned at him; "That still standing, I'd prefer it if you two would stop that this instant, Mr Lupin, I would quite like you to leave."

"I would quite like to take my boyfriend with me."

"Please leave right this second or I will have to have you go to the headmaster."

"Then make me, but Sirius is coming right along with me." I demanded, feeling more and more like a petulant child by the minute. Right on cue, Dumbledore swept into the room, assessing the situation with one twinkiling gaze.

"Poppy, both of these young men have been through a hard night, surely it would be wise to give Mr Black a set of crutches and let him heal in his own time." The frown etched onto Madame Pomfreys face made it apparent that she wasn't happy about the situation, but everyone knew better than to argue with Dumbledore.

She summoned a set of crutches and gave them to Sirius who took them up with an instant grace that only he could pull off.

Snapping into action, I grabbed his elbow and steered him to the door, shooting a triumphant grin back at Madame Pomfrey. Dumbledore extended a hand and implored me to come back. Whispering an apology to Sirius and telling him to wait, I did.

"Remus, what you did last night showed great skill and an ability to think in a state of heightened pressure. I feel compelled to reward you somehow..." I stopped him, I did what anyone would do, if anything I was unlucky, to be there at that point, James or Lily would've done a better job.

"Forgive me for being rude, but I don't want anything. I did what I did because I had to, I just wish I'd done a better job."

Dumbledore placed an old bony hand on my shoulder and nodded towards the door. "As you wish." He then let me go and I ran from the room to join my newly rekindled love and boyfriend Sirius Black.

Forget me being unlucky, I was the luckiest man in the world.


	53. Chapter 53

**Hey guys, we're in the present and this is the chapter where the kids leave for Hogwarts...enjoy and as ever, though none of you listen, review please i really do not want to get to a point where we have double the amount of chapters than we do reviews, so if you're out there and you enjoy it...review...if you're out there and you hate it...tell us how to improve! Please!**

Sirius had changed early in the morning, before I was even awake, and woke me up by jumping on the bed, running round in circles on top of me. His soft padded feet still felt like stiletto imprints onto my flesh, and it was most definitely not in the top ten wake up calls of all time. "Siriuuus," I whined, fumbling around blindly to find his head, which planted itself under my hand. I ruffled his velveteen ears and he laid down, as if to pounce and changed back human.

"Molly charged me with the task of waking you up, we're going back to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, c'mon we're gonna see the Hogwarts Express and all the little first years and the seventh years going for the last time, and Remmie we're gonna remember all the times we had! Oh, isn't it exciting!" He babbled, getting off me and the bed, which was a relief since now I could breathe again and tugged my hand with all his strength, trying to get me up. If he tugged much harder my arm was going to come off.

"What? We're going, WE'RE going?" I realised, shooting up, Sirius was never part of the plan, how was he going to go to a heavily crowded wizard public venue and not get sent to Azkaban. I couldn't have him go to Akaban now, not on the brink of the biggest war our kind has ever seen, I needed him.

I needed him more than he'd ever know. The amount of times he'd hurt me and he wondered why I came back. The answer was simple: love and necessity. Therefore, him getting sent to Azkaban was not good at all for my health.

Sirius turned backinto a dog and bounded around the house, pausing occasionally to chase his tail round in circles, knocking over carefully ordered piles of luggage and cages of birds, and in one amusing incident Crookshanks was so scared of Sirius and his untamable energy that it jumped on Rons head.

The colour drained from the poor boys face and he let out a scream that would've rivalled me in my teenage years, and SIrius could account for how high pitched I could go.

I sighed, seeing all of the luggage and the kids excited to go back, brought back so many of our memories. And it also made me think that this time in about a decade we'd be seeing our little one off to Hogwarts.

I wonder what house they'd be in. And I wonder what they'll look like, what friends they'll make, what they'll be good at.

But first we had to raise them.

I grinned and a bump from Sirius had me fall back to reality. According to the latest of Molly's shrieks it was time to go. I was in charge of the twins and Ginny. Ginny, no problem, the twins had never quite respected me and Sirius the same way since they saw us in his bedroom. Oh well, some things can't be helped.

Sirius had once again knocked over a hefty stack of the twins trunks and bolted through the open door to the garden.

I paused for a second to admire the beauty of his happiness, terrorising pidgeons and bounding up to and jumping up at the kids. Harry was laughing as Sirius's excitement and I couldn't help but laugh too. It was so nice seeing him so ecstatic.

I called the twins over and told them to apparate with their sister to Kings Cross Station, where I would follow them and rejoin the group. Why Moody had given me the twins I don't know, but whatever. I wasn't one to complain.

Apparently, Sirius was told to go with Molly and Tonks, two of his least favourite people, as he had it in his head that Tonks was trying to steal me away. That was stupid, she was so young and I just wasn't. Why anyone would want me was still beyond my understanding let alone 2 people.

But Sirius had always insisted that I was the most beautiful creature in existance; even when he had girls that could have been models falling at his feet, he chose me.

He must be crazy.

I looked around and noticed the tiwns weren't there. They'd disapparated then, I had better join them, to make sure they were safe. But if they were anything like their reputation as "the next Marauders" they'd be able to get out of anything.

Even in the hubbub and chaos of the station I could see the tall ginger heads popping above the crowds. Meandering over to them I smiled.

"You got here ok?" They nodded in sync and Ginny gave me a 'yes'.

Apart from that we walked in silence to the wall sectioning the Muggle world from the Wizarding world. Without casting a glance back the Muggle station that was bustling with life as a hive full of bees. Judgemental, selfish bees.

The rushing of air and noise crushed against my head and the steam filled my lungs. I was 17 again, pulling Sirius off the train where he promised we could move in. I was so desparate to gather my belongings and hav ehim to snuggle up against at night and cook breakfast for and curl up on the sofa and talk until early hours of the morning.

But of course, everything went downhill from then.

Voldemort, Azkaban, the Order. All went wrong.

I let out a hefty sigh and located the group from a cry of "Awesome dog Harry!"

That was my dog. My awesome dog, my awesome dog who was most definitely going to end up by the end of the night. The kids were gone, the adults knew and we were most definitely neglecting each other lately, so it was only fitting that we made up for lost time.

He trotted up to me, after I confirmed with Alastor that we were all ok, and rubbed his head into my leg, gaining a wierd look from Ron, which Molly dispelled with a hefty improvised explanation.

I rubbed his head and twirled my fingers around his silky ears.

Moody contined to report what had happened to me and I nodded and smiled at all the appropriate times, but now my mind was on something else.

After that I said goodbye to each of the kids, who I had grown quite fond of during the summer. They weren't too bad; at least not as bad as Sirius made them out to be.

Sirius stood by my side, relishing in the onslaught of scratches I was giving him, tail wagging at a mile a minute. Harry was about to go and Sirius hadn't so much as barked in farewell. I stopped scratching him and bent down to his ear "You should go say goodbye to him, you probably wont see him until Christmas." I whispered.

Dipping his head he did as I asked, for once, and put his front paws on Harry's shoulders, giving his face a hearty lick. I laughed, I always loved to hate it when he did that.

Molly cut the farewell short and pushed them apart, bumbling around Harry and ushering him to the train. She hissed something at Sirius which caused him to pause before bounding after the now moving rain at full speed. "See you all!" Harry called cheerily, departing in a cloud of smoke.

He was running too fast, and the wall was too close. If I called out it would do no good. He paused and tried to brake but the floor was slidey and he couldn't in time.

I strolled over, going to collect my dog from the mess of fur and legs huddled against the wall and take him back home, to lay on the bed until he was most definitely nursed back to health.

No matter how long that road of recovery might be. I would just have to sit by his bedside, 24/7 until he was back to his normal self.

That doesn't sound too bad to me.


	54. Chapter 54

**Another long one...Oh and Caleb gets his comeuppance (man I love that word) and our dynamic duo are finally back to normal. Please review. If you've had the time to read this really long chapter that I spent hours upon hours slaving over and redrafting until it was perfect then you have time to leave me a review to tell me what you think. **

**Btw I'm still looking for any of you out there who thought Caleb was an alright guy, cos c'mon everyone hates him!**

It was Saturday, and I most definitely needed to finish my Ancient Runes essay. I had a whole foot of parchment still left to write, and being the first day back with Sirius, I didn't get much done yesterday evening.

James was still annoyed with us for 'tainting the dorm'; I think that came from the fact that when we weren't joined at the mouth we were joined somewhere else entirely and in his own words we should 'have some decency'. After a year of being apart decency was the last thing on either of our minds.

So in short, I was aching, tired, and desperately behind on my homework. The fact that we were coming up to our exams setting a panic in my head. If someone like me was going to have any chance in the prejudiced world we lived in then I had to get outstanding results, so much so that people would overlook my disease and see me for the person I was.

Not that Sirius would ever notice that little detail. He'd been overlooking my curse for so long I think he hardly saw it as a problem anymore. I'd tried to adopt that belief but I was just reminded way too often that it was not something that could be overlooked the way Sirius did.

Sighing, I turned my mind back to the essay, noticing how I hadn't written a single word for half an hour. I threw my quill down on the table, a plain brownish one and dumped my head on the unfinished essay, letting out distressed moans at the fact that this essay would never get done. He was just on my mind the whole time, and I never got bored of thinking about the way his hair had grown, now waving about his face like melted chocolate, so silky to the touch and to irresistably scented;

Or his eyes, that varied with the mood he was in, light grey when he was happy or excited or anything positive, then turning darker when he was sad or angry or nervous (which was hardly ever), and almost black when he was furious.

Oh and his skin, so flawless, creamy planes like spun silk that clung to his features so delicately, yet made him look manly and sensetive at the same time.

The arms, that were not excessively muscled, but enough to be able to support me when I needed it, enough to hug me so tight that I could forget there was even a world outside his arms.

And his laugh, a laugh that rang like bells through my head and could brighten even the foulest of moods. A laugh that I had barely heard for months before yesterday, and when I did it was hollow, a facade of normality, like a sheet put over furniture, it may look alright from what the shape of the sheet is...but when you look underneath, the furniture is just a pile of rubble. That was Sirius before yesterday, fine on top, but under it all he was alone and scared and so upset and angry with himself. I only know this because we spent all night talking, well when we weren't annoying James with our indecent acts. It was painful at times, (and not just the sex) but it all had to come out.

Falling back to reality I realised that 1) I had to have this essay due on Monday and 2) My schedule was so full tomorrow I had to get it done now.

The chair next to me squeaked away from the table and a short thud let me know that someone had come to join me in my lack of work. "Remmie...are you still alive...I know this amount of time in a Library can be deadly but you seem to have built up a resistance. Remus, talk to me," He leant down and pecked my ear, then entering his teeth into the equation, whispering sweet nothings and kissing my ear fiercly.

A shiver wracked through my body and he slung an arm over my back, "I knew it! I knew it! I knew no library could kill you off!" He proclaimed, hugging me close. I sat up slowly and Sirius laughed, biting on his hand to try and not be too loud, which was like telling a cloud not to float. A quiet Sirius was something I was perpetually worried about. When he went quiet, something was wrong.

"Moony, you look like a cat..look you've got a big blob of ink on your nose, and then the lines of writing look like whiskers, oh honey, c'mere," He liked his thumb and rubbed at the lined of my essay that had stamped themselves on my face. Soon I found myself rubbing my face into his hand, so it was like a caress. He leant in and kissed me on the lips, so slowly and sensually that I found myself wanting more with each passing second. After what seemed like forever Sirius put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me away gently.

"Rems, we're in a library. But if you wanna go that far, the dorm is just round the corner."

A huge black smudge that had come from my nose adorned Sirius's cheek and I returned the favour by cleaning it off until he was perfect again. Sighing he stroked over the scars on my face and hands, some fresher than others. "Don't" I pleaded, when what I really meant was 'Don't draw attention to them when I forget they're there.' He smiled faintly and stood up, gathering my parchment, ink, books and quills. "Lets go," He suggested, "My book allergies are acting up." He said, pulling me up by the hand and giving me the parchments and supplies before limping out (with the aid of his crutches) past studying 5th years and awestruck first years, who didn't quite get over the magnitude of the Hogwarts library until year 2, I knew because I had been one of them.

I slowed to his pace, he was still getting to grips with the crutches that were helping him heal. Halfway to the dorms I was bumped into, so hard that I dropped everything I was holding. My ink bottle smashed and I was 'accidentally' kicked when I bent down to pick it up. "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, must be distracted staring at the crippple." A patronisingly familiar voice cooed. I glared upwards, gathering my things as Sirius leant to my ear.

"I'm really cold, can you get my scarf from my room?" I nodded, but no way was I traipsing all the way to the dorm and missing what was going on. I rounded the corner and peered round, whispering 'Accio scarf' under my breath.

Sirius limped closer to Caleb who was laughing hysterically. "What are _you_ going to do? You're pathetic, you can't even look after him, you're a cripple." He yelled, getting so close to Sirius that I saw him step back a bit.

Sirius's fist flew out and Caleb's head snapped to the side; "That's for all the times you hurt me."

A punch to the stomach. "Thats for Regulus," He hissed, bringing his face close to the quivering and bloodied face of Caleb. The softness of the scarf touched upon my shaking hand and I clutched it, contemplating going back round to help him. Something in me fought against it though, telling me this would be a bad idea.

A crutch shot up to Caleb's groin. "And that's for all you did to Remus," The only time I ever held any respect for Caleb was the fact that he didn't fall over. He carried on standing tall, gritting his teeth and staring Sirius down.

"I hope you and that man whore are happy together. He is a truly amazing person, you could beat him to a pulp and he'd still be crawling back into your bed by the time the day was up, and well, I suppose that was exactly what you did."

Sirius went bring red with rage and I knew I had to do something or he was about to kill Caleb.

I stormed around the corner, scarf forgotten and tapped Caleb on the shoulder. He turned, straight into a right hook from me that had opened up a gash on his cheek and crunched the bone underneath.

He staggered backwards and tripped over his own feet, sending him reeling backwards onto the floor. I picked up Sirius's crutch that he'd dropped and handed it to him, watching as he passed and spat on Caleb's crumpled form.

"If you come near either of us again, I will not only punch you but bite you the next time the full moon comes around," Sirius shot me a warning glance, but I calmly pulled out my wand and pointed it directly at his forehead. "Obliviate...that should leave him with enough memory to fear me, and to remember our little encounter, but not quite enough to know about my furry little problem," I explained as Sirius started to limp off to the dorm and I collected his scarf.

Once we got there, I took his crutches off him and threw them on my bed, before looping an arm around his back and under his shoulder and helping him onto his bed.

His devastatingly handsome smirk adorned his slightly reddened complexion as he laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "If I hadn't fallen off the tower, would we be together now?" He asked airily. Carefully, and so as not to knock his leg, I laid down beside him and put my head on his chest, curling up there. He brought a hand up and stroked and twirled my hair, earning the second shiver of the day. He was so warm and comfortable, I felt as if I could stay here, on his bed, with him forever.

"Most certainly, there are certain things that I deem unforgivable, and he commited just about all of them." I sighed, how had I been so blind and stupid as to think that Caleb in any way shape or form was a good thing?

"And, er, they are...?" He prompted, I rolled on top of him, minding his leg, crossed my arms on his chest and laid my chin on them so I was looking right into his eyes.

"Mainly hurting you, that night, when Fabes was up in the dorm, he was absolutely terrible to you, and it made me realise how much I missed you and how much I didn't want to be with him. Then it was just finding the right time, you know how much I deteste confrontation." He laughed and ruffled my hair like I was an adorable child and he was about to pinch my cheek. "You didn't seem too deteste-ing tonight when you broke his face." He stated.

I shrugged; "I did it for the man I love, sometimes when you love someone Siri, you have to do things you don't want to, it'd do you good to remember this year next time you think of running off with someone else."

"Whats that meant to mean?" He asked, slightly more attentive now.

"That I will break up with you again, you know that other thing Caleb did so wrong...cheat on me, I couldn't see what I'd done so bad that would drive him away...so be warned Mr Black, as much as I hate being apart from you, it might be for your own good."

There was a long pause, where both of us just laid, atop each other in companiable silence, listening to the others steadied breathing and pulsing heart.

After what seemed like a while; a stupid thought crossed my mind, stupid as it seemed I had to know. My voice on the other hand, didn't want to be heard, so came out in a strained whisper that made me sound like I was on the edge of tears. "Am I really what _he_ said? Am I really a man whore, would I really do that, come crawling back even if you'd done the worst to me?" Sirius heaved out breath and pushed me off him to hug me by his side as I curled up as small as I could get, hoping to disappear altogether.

"No, aww, Moony, you're nothing like he said..." He soothed, rubbing infinite circles in my back.

"But isn't that what I've j-just done? Y-you broke me in every way imagineable, and, and here I am, b-back in your arms...h-he was right!" I cried balling up tighter and wishing even harder that I could just leave, just go and cause no-one any pain anymore.

"No! Remus, don't listen to him, don't listen to him for one second. You were far, far too good for him. Don't believe anything he says, he's spiteful and malicious, and you represent everything thats good in the world. Listen..." So I did listen, there was nothing but the th-thud, th-thud, th-thud of his hearbeat against me.

"You hear that, that is my heart, when we first kissed, I gave it to you, and even though it's been broken and out of service for a few months and when you started that idiocy with Cadweeb it got ripped out, doesn't mean you didn't take great care of it. And now, now its back in here when it belongs and I have you to thank for that. and you just being here is making it alright again, making it heal again. How can you be anything like what Clabe said when...when you just forgive and forget, even when you shouldn't and you love me even when I am the biggest dickhead in the world, you put up with James's whining about Lily and Peter's food addiction and even though you're the biggest chocoholic I know you are also the kindest, sweetest, most patient man on Earth. So don't you dare beileve a single pathetic word that slithers from that bastards mouth. Here, eat this, and I promise you'll feel better." He finished, reaching under his bed and handing me a half opened chocolate bar.

I smiled and took the chocolate, breaking off individual squares and letting them melt in my mouth. I carried on with that ritual, one square at a time until I'd finished the whole bar and Sirius raised an eyebrow at me; "Better?"

I hugged him tighter against me and nodded fervently, he kissed the top of my head and inhaled. "My Remmie, back where he's meant to be. This time you're going to stay there right?" He asked warily.

"You just try getting rid of me." I beamed, even though salty tears were still ebbing over my cheeks; a lot slower now, and these, these were tears of happiness, because I was finally back where I belonged.

And we just sat there, hugging and grinning at each other until McGonnagal burst into the dorms, a fury glinting deep in her eyes.

"Which of you boys is responsible for the state of Mr Brown this evening?" Sheepishly, both me and Sirius raised our hands, blushing and still clinging onto each other.

"My office. Now!" She barked, forcing us to get up, hand in hand and frogmarching us to her office.

Well, at least I might get to study in peace in detention.


	55. Chapter 55

**A little good news for our star couple...read, review and enjoy!**

"You think Sirius will miss you?" The commanding voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt drawled as we strolled back to Grimmauld Place. We'd apparated a while away so that we could make sure we weren't followed. One could only dare to imagine what sortof hell would break loose if a Death Eater decided to follow us back here and got the whereabouts of the Headquarters.

The day was as grey as Grimmauld Place itself, and I was absolutely sure Sirius would be going crazy cooped up in there. I had on more than one occasion likened him to a wild animal, and wild animals never do well in cages. I only hoped that my presence would lift his insanity and return him back to the loveable puppy I adored.

"Absolutely certain. He doesn't like being alone in the first place, and he worries about me anyway. Plus, I've been gone for 4 days, he'll be pulling his hair out with worry." Kingsley let out a hearty laugh and rolled his eyes.

"You're a full grown man, does he not realise this." I smiled and thought of all the times he'd worried about me through our life together. Then because it was far easier, I thought about the times he didn't.

"He's worried about me since we met. I suppose it's becase he's always been the stronger one, and well because of my _condition._"

Kingsley gave me a carefully measured look, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Remus, if I am ever in a position of hiring people, I would hire you in a heartbeat, regardless of your condition. It's wrong that you're discrimintaed against like that,"

"I appreciate the thought Kingsley, but whats you and I talking ever going to achieve, I am what I am."

Before Kingsley could orchestrate a reply the pink-headed, 20 something auror came bouncing up to me, literally jumping up and down on the spot in front of me.

"Remus, Remus, Remus...You're gonna love me!" She squealed. I firmly placed my hands on her shoulders and grounded her. "Calm down, why am I going to love you? What have you done?" A grin clung to her face and she grabbed my wrist and led me closer to Grimmauld Place.

"I've found a mother to your child." She breathed, as if she had just run a marathon. I stood, staring at the woman as if I had a terminal illness and she just offered me the cure. My mouth hung open for about half a minute before I remembered that I needed to say something and my mouth pulled up into a huge grin.

"Nymphadora Tonks, I love you!" I declared, sweeping her up into a hug that lifted her off the ground. She squealed and I dropped her, taking her face in mine and kissing her full on the lips. For a second at least before I reeled backwards, figuring out what I did. Her hair went a few shades darker, mirroring her face and I just stared at her, coming to terms with what I'd done.

"Um, wow, Sirius is a lucky guy," She mumbled, barely loud enough for me to hear, and I'm sure I wasn't meant to. "Her names Tora Stuart, she's a friend of mine, I - er - was telling her about your situation, I didn't mention Sirius by name, and she agreed to help, she likes the idea of helping you have children."

I placed another kiss on either cheek and one on her forhead. "What does she look like? What is she like? Will I like her? Will Sirius?" I stopped to breathe and she grinned harder, "You can see for yourself, she wants to meet you. I arranged it for next week, I'm sure you can think of some way to disguise Sirius." I grinned, seemed like 'Sinclair Woods' was going on another outing.

"I have to go tell Sirius!" I beamed, running into the house, that had appeared while we were talking, and stopping when I realised that I had no clue where he would be. "Molly?" I called, and her reply came from the kitchen; "He's in the shower,"

My grin resurfaced, ridding my face of the confusion it momentarily bore. My legs could hardly carry me up the stairs fast enough, the sound of gushing water fuelling my existance more than the oxygen about my head, the steady pump of my heart. For that water meant that my love was up there, and whereever he was I should be.

Whereever he was, I needed to be. He'd be worrying, I knew that, why hadn't I owled, or floo-ed in just to say I was ok, just to soothe his fretting soul.

How often had he been dog the past few days? He always coped better like that, how often had I driven him to that extreme? The door was open, and through the gaping doorway I could see him, all of him. From the unruly black-looking hair that fell so haphazardly from his head, to his glorious arse and beyond, right to the floor, where his feet stood rooted under the steamy waterfall.

The news was too good, to momentous to wait for him to be done, so in a moment of stupidity I walked straight into the shower, wrapping my soaked arms around his waist and squeezing him into me. His collar bone seemed like a good place to start, so I pressed my lips there, lapping up the water droplets that had manifested themselves on that alluring bone.

Then I remembered the task at hand and lifted my head up, sending rivers of droplets into my eyes, which I blinked away swiftly.

"Honey, I'm home," I breathed, watching his being jerk back to life, an animatronic doll which just had it's batteries returned. A grin floated atop his face and he answered with a surprisingly stoic "I gathered,"

I squeezed his naked form to my drenched clthing, squeezing the water from my shirt. My face rubbed against his ear, relishing in the smell, the contact. I made a contented little "Mmm" before unleashing the news.

"I've found her" I beamed, never letting go of him. His tone turned skeptical..."Found who?"

"_Her_. The one!" He sighed and turned within my arms, staring me directly in the eye. Defeat ripe in the glacial depths of his eyes. Why, this was the best news we'd ever had! Why was he so upset?

"You've been gone 4 days, Rems. I have no idea what happened in them but making jokes about falling in love with someone else really isn't funny. Do you know how worried I've been?"

I shook my head for mside to side, letting a slight chuckle pass between my lips. "Her name is Tora Stuart. She's a friend of Tonks." He pushed away from me a bit to glare at me.

"Did you not hear what I just said? _This is not funny!_ If you're going to be like this I-"

"Shut up and listen to me will you!" I grinned, placing my hand over his lips, which received a lick in response. "I found out today...and..." He glared at harder, I knew he never liked anything being dragged out, so I cleared my throat:

"...She's agreed to have our baby for us!" I finished with a flourish of my hands, giggling at his awestruck expression.

"You what?" He burbled, the words gurgling from his mouth as if his jaw had been anaestasised and he couldn't speak.

"A surrogate. You know...she's going to have our baby...get pregnant with our child..."

He nodded numbly. "I'm not stupid, I - just - WOW! I hadn't really thought it would all happen so soon..."

"Well it is!" I confirmed, hugging his waist again to me and looking down onto him, grinning, just like him. "And you thought I'd fallen for her, you should know you're the only person I've ever been in love with,"

A small, smug smirk flickered into his face, then died as fast as it came, supressed by his self control. "I know that. I just thought you were making an insensetive joke."

"When have I ever tried? I'm too scared you'll up and leave me if ever I did, people like you aren't easy to come by for people like me."

"Oh, Moons..." He breathed, holding me closer to him.

"Yeah, I'm insecure, don't make a song and dance about it,"

He smiled, bigger and brighter than he had for a while, contorting his face into one of radiant beauty, rather than the face of a sullen angel.

"I love you, Remus." He said, alomst as in prayer, as if chanting it after all these years would keep us together for eternity. It had worked well enough so far. This past year making up entirely for the twele we spent apart.

"I love you more, Snuffles." A smirk took pride of place on his face and he shook his head. "Nah, you don't." I grinned, forming a plan, "Yes, I do" I insisted, grabbing his face before he could even think of a reply and locking us together.

As much as I thought he was going to pull away, I was glad he didn't, only kissing me back with more passion than I possessed in my whole body. His damp, soft hand slid up my shirt and I groaned loudly, pulling away and grabbing his wrist.

"I missed you too." I whispered, dragging him from the steamy bathroom.

Destination: bedroom.


	56. Chapter 56

**A little pre exam worry for our little remsicles, as always although you ALWAYS IGNORE IT...REVIEW!**

I was painfully awake by 4 in the morning on the first day of our exams. Truthfully, I couldn't sleep all night, I had started off in my own bed, pleading with Sirius that I needed a good nights sleep, but it had got to around an hour after we decided to go to bed that I figured I would not be able to sleep on my own and climbed across to Sirius's always inviting bed. He'd laughed groggily and pulled me into him, crushing my body against his and kissing me on the forhead.

"Night, Remmie, trust me hons, you're gonna do fine." He'd yawned, ruffling my hair and rolling over with his back to me. At the time I'd left a trail of kisses down is spine, to the small of his back, where he let out a little shiver of delight, and I'd curled up against him to fall asleep.

Not that that worked.

But now it was 4 in the morning, I had dark rings circling my eyes and I could not remember a thing about any of the potions on the list they gave us. Any one could be what they were testing us on.

I had revised and revised all of them over and over, making copious notes and copying them back out. I had done practice runs of the potions until I could do them blindfolded, but now all that knowledge was gone.

He was astounding when he was asleep. When he was awake he was goregous, truly a masterpiece, but when he was asleep there was an effortless innocence that he had when he was awake, it was just masked by layers and layers of arrogance and casual flair that it was almost invisible.

His unkempt hair was splayed around his face like a makeshift halo, reminding me againthat he was my guardian angel; now and always.

I thanked my lycanthropy for bringing us together, and for giving me the strength to stand tall next to him.

He was an overbearing person at the best of times, but somehow I could use that to bring myself confidence and hold the knowledge secret in the heart of me that I belonged with him, by his side, his had in mine, his arm encirclng my waist.

This was how it was most definitely going to be.

"Sirius," I whispered, lips so close that they were brushing the shell of his ear. "We have an exam in an hour, you have to get up," He groaned, swinging an arm out blindly and finding my face, blindly exploring it with his hands, "Remmie, will you shut up, we both know I am going to fail,"

Smiling tiredly I took both of his wrists in my hands, kissing the tip of each of his fingers. "Maybe you shoyuld've revised more. But no, I am not letting you throw your life away by skipping your exams. You are getting up and you might just surprise yourself...that love potion you made was very effective and I think that ones on the list."

His eyes flickered open like a candle that someone just blew...but not quite hard enough to go out. I left him to wake up in his own time and gathered his uniform for him.

"Here you go, honey," I said, placing the pile of folded clothes on his bed.

He promptly got up and stretched, clicking all his joints back in place. Smiling, I walked over and hugged him; resting my brow on his shoulder and sighing into his bare chest. "You nervous?" He laughed. I nodded and he lifted my chin up to look at him directly.

"You shouldn't be. You're fantastic." I turned and grabbed my robe, the only thing I needed to still put on. "Get that on, I'll meet you in the common room."

I glanced at the clock, we had 45 minutes left.

My fingers wrang against each other, trying to wring out my anxiety.

Sirius soon appeared behind me, rubbing the tops of my arms and my shoulders, trying to soothe my nerves with his confident presence.

"You hungry? We could send Peter down to the kitchens," I shook my head, knawing on my lip and still not looking at him directly. "Not hungry" I mumbled. His lips pressed against mine harsly, and I staggered backwards, until his arm steadied my waist and his toungue slipped past my lips.

Shaking my head, I pulled away, parting from his bittersweet lips and smouldering embrace to rejoin the world of cold hard exam papers. "I'm not in the mood Sirius." I growled. I turned to go sit down, but he grabbed my wrist, yanking me back to him, "Then you'd better get in the mood, because you , my dear, need to calm down, and I am going to make that happen."

"Don't you da-" I started, cut off by another violent kiss, his hands slithering up my shirt, and onto my back, where they rubbed swirling patterns into my skin. "Padfoot," I sighed, smoothing my lithe fingers through his flicks and waves of hair, feeling each fibre tickle my fingertips and entice me further.

I could also feel every single minute of exam preparation flying out of my brain, with every clash of our tongues, with every breath we took as one, and I knew right that second I was going to fail.

I pulled away just enough to speak and looked him right in the eye, hands beginning to tremble. "We have to go."

He nodded once, an army officer given his orders and marched out of the common room, me in tow.

Lily came wandering up to me, deadly focussed, and took my hands in hers, "Remus, you are going to be fine. Trust me, you will do fine." She leant up and kissed me on the forhead before skipping off to James.

Snivelly was looking smug,everyone knew the only thing he was good at was potions.

I took in a deep breath and held it for 4 seconds before exhaling through my nose, repeating the motion until I felt somewhat dizzy, but calmer.

They began calling us in alphabetically, and pretty soon Sirius kissed me on the cheek and stepped inside the large, looming double doors to the hall. The Potions practical didn't have a time limit, it was however long you thought the potion needed to brew for or however long it needed to be made. So I was a little worried when I went in and Sirius still hadn't come out.

I soon found out why. Casting a quick glance around the room I saw Sirius standing in front of his cauldron, flexing his hand over varying ingredients, never actually picking one up. If only I knew what potion he was trying to make.

Passing, I saw that it was a simple antidote to a commonly used poison. Pick the bezoar you idiot, I thought loudly. He glanced at me and I twitched my head to the right, signalling for him to pick the farthest right one.

He smirked and picked it up, starting to talk one long spiel about how "This little rock thingy" Will act as the antidote to any poison, and is quicker to use than any brewed antidote.

I was proud of him. Sirius Black, Prince of Bullshitting.

I sat down on the table I was shown to, an elderly, sharp featured witch sitting opposite me.

She folded her hands (which greatly resembled the feet of a chicken) and smiled at me. Well it was more of a sneer if you ask me.

"Today I am going to have you make Amortentia," I let out a sigh of relief, that was the potion I was most comfortable with.

She flicked her wand and an array of ingredients appeared before me.

I tok a deep, steadying breath, then focussed on the task at hand, hands flying over ingredients, discarding the unneeded ones and chopping, mincing and juicing the correct ones.

How come Sirius had got such an easy one, and I didn't? I had better be marked up for this, when all he had to do was pick up a rock and explain it's uses, I had to brew a full, powerful potion.

I stirred, turned hte heat up and down when needed, left it to simmer for 10 minutes and 42 seconds exactly, stirred it 37 times clockwise and 23 times anti clockwise then poured the pinky-opalescent liquid into a small vial, giving it one experimental sniff before corking it and handing it over.

They say it smelt different to everyone, I don't know whether that was true or not but mine smelt of Sirius's bed, the must of the sheets and him. So potent I could almost feel the sheet wrap around me and him, encapsulating us in our own world.

Especially when we'd been making use of it all night, the smell of the euphoria, human sweat would make most other people cringe, but to me it was pure heaven.

There was definitely something else there though, freshly baked bread and my mothers homemade chocolate cake. It was to die for. I hadn't had it in ages, since I had my birthdays in term time. Actually, a piece right now wouldn't be too bad, absolutely smothered in cream of course.

That would be perfect.

I also think the smell of Sirius's hair was mixed in there, straight after he'd washed it. Perfect, absolutely one hundred percent perfection. I loved him more than I loved myself, more than I loved most of my family. Much more than I loved chocolate.

If being witout him taught me anything it was that he was a part of me and I was part of him. We could not exist without the other, and I never planned to be without him again.

"Fine, you may go," The invigilator said, and I wasted no time in getting the hell out of there as fast as I could without looking strange.

Sirius was waiting outside, and dragged me into his arms, "Do we have one this afternoon?" I shook my head and he giggled into my neck before nipping the skin there.

"Can we go back to bed, I was having such a good dream," I chuckled and turned to kiss his cheek. "You gonna tell me what it was about?"

He pursed his lips "I dreamt I had a warm cuddly Remus Lupin snuggled up beside me," Grinning, I laced my fingers through his and began to jog off to the dorm, "Then why don't we go make that dream a reality," I murmured as Sirius began to follow me.

"Sounds like a plan." He beamed.

If I were to do well in my exams I needed to be well rested and calm, and well, what better way to do that than with the man I love.


	57. Chapter 57

**Its the present, and just remember only sexy people review, so if you're sexy, I'm calling to you now!**

Sirius had been stood in front of the mirror, fiddling and toying with his shirt buttons, for hours; his expression becoming more and more puzzled and frustrated. Now he just looked as if he'd very much like to tear the buttons of his shirt off.

Perhaps I should interveine, and save some innocent buttons lives.

I casually strolled over to him, placing my chin on his head; "Keep them closed," I whispered, as if it were some sort of conspiracy. "It looks more presentable." I leant down and place a kiss on the parting of his hair.

"I'll suffocate you know. Never used to cope with the Hogwarts uniform. The top buttons on the shirts nearly killed me!" He implored.

My arms encircled his waist, holding him to me and nuzzling my face into his head. "Well we're not wearing the shirts for Hogwarts. If you really think it's going to be a problem keep the top two undone. But I don't want your nipples and tatoos hanging out for the woman who may be bearing our child."

His head disappeared from under my chin and I soon realised why, he looked up at me; awkwardly stroking a hand over my aged features.

"You're beautiful, Moons" He breathed, as if seeing me for the first time.

"Haven't heard that one in a while." Actually, when was the last time I heard that one? I chuckled, before I realised it must've been years before someone last called me beautiful. Maybe even Sirius was beginning to see me for who I really was, a monster, I had always said he was an idiot to love me, but maybe now my somewhat questionable looks had gone he was finally going off me.

"I really haven't...Have I gotten old and ugly Siri? I know I wasn't that good looking in the first place but..." He spun to face me and grabbed my shoulders, rubbing his thumbs soothingly up and down my arms.

His grey eyes met mine, studying me with a steel hard gaze. "No, no! Of course not! How could you think such a thing? Moony, honey, you're still as stunning as you always have been." He pleaded, his gaze turning to disbelief that I hadn't admitted that actually I am goregous and was just being stupid.

"I've just been thinking...about things...us..." I dropped my head to his shoulder sighing over his shirt, "I see how you look at Harry, like he's a delicious meal, how you take his letters and reply in secret - like you did yesterday, and you get all upset if I try and help you answer them. It worries me. We're having this baby and I'm scared we're not going to last the year, let alone this childs life."

My watery blue eyes flicked up to his for a second, tears threatening to wash away my somewhat shaky composure.

"You don't know how terrifying all this is - I'm petrified you'll up and leave like you did before you went to Azkaban, I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to you, and that was it for 12 years."

His muscular arms pulled my head into his chest further and rubbed my back soothingly. "Where did all this come from? You should know I wouldn't do that. This ring -" He wove his fingers with mine as if to prove a point, pressing the cold metal with both his flesh and mine. "- is a promise, and one I am not willing to break. You're worried about the baby and you're letting this fear leak into other realms that it's not welcome in. And I thought I saw a glimmer of James in Harry though it turns out I was wrong."

With a hefty 'I'm not quite convinced' sigh I wound his unruly locks about my fingers. "What are we going to do with this?"

"Tie it up I guess, like we did before?" He suggested, I chewed on the inside of my cheek in thought.

"It's gotten a bit long for that, don't you think? We might wrap it around itself, in a kind of loose bun?"

"Of course, if you want me to look like a female librarian!"

I relented, giving him a minor triumph; "Ok, ok...just keep it in a ponytail but don't come crying to me when she disapproves." I removed my hands reluctantly from his hair and pulled at his collar; granting me a glance at his tattoos. I groaned inwardly and left a sultry kiss on his visible neck.

"She can't disapprove of us. It's us, no-one can disapprove with us!"

I was a little more dubious...an alleged mass murderer and a gay werewolf adopting a child, hmm, I think a few people would disapprove.

I checked the number on the flat again - 51 - this was it. What if she didn't like us? What if she realised and reported Sirius? So many things could go wrong. I squeezed Sirius's hand tighter, hoping I might squeeze some of his confidence into me.

My hopes came to nothing as Tonks glowing pink head popped around the door. Grinning she lead us inwards; "You're early. We weren't sure it was you. Did you get here ok? Nothing out of the ordinary?" She inquired, glancing backwards.

I smiled kindly, creating a rose flush on her face which greatly mimicked her hair; "No, we apparated - I don't think we were seen."

She grinned and opened a door to the right "We're just in here, follow me."

She twirled in, to what was obviously a lounge. Me and Sirius paused outside, and he faced me as I took a large gulp of the oxygen around us. Right, so we would walk in, smile, introduce ourselves...talk over how this was going to work...oh, I so hoped she liked us and agreed...

"Ready?" Sirius whispered, a grin almost daring to cross his face. As much as I wanted to run and hide because I was so nervous, I really wanted to see this through. I gulped back the bile that was threatening to rise and bobbed my head once.

"Ready," I confirmed solidly, though my insides were jelly, or a raging ocean, or a raging ocean of jelly filled with butterflies.

We entered together, surveying the room with one quick swoop of our eyes. Tora was sat bolt upright on the sofa, opposite us, dazedly reading the latest edition of The Quibbler. She looked up at us, then at our joined hands then at our faces again.

"Hello there," She chirped, putting on a dreamy smile that reminded me of a second year I'd once taught...Luna her name might've been...or was it Laura...?

"You look very different from what I imagined, for a couple so at ease with your sexuality and other people's views I thought you'd be more camp." Well, her bluntness was something to be admired, at least we knew what we were getting with her.

Sirius apparently thought not - he glared at me, begging me to make an excuse and leave with him. I shook my head and leant over to his ear, "We can't blame her, look, she was clearly a Hufflepuff."

"Ok, we're leaving, I am not having a Hufflepuff child!" He hissed quietly, I turned back, trying to still appear polite. As a habit I tried not to give anybody anymore reason to hate me, other than my homosexuality and lycanthyropy. I laughed and silently cast a quick sticking charm to his hand so he couldn't desert me.

"I wasnt even joking." He grumbled. Did he ot understand what this woman was giving us. Regardless of her background, and something as insignificant as what house she was, she was giving us a child. He could at least be grateful.

An awkward silence descended on us all, I shifted closer to Sirius and he gazed over at me, Tora resumed reading The Quibbler. Tonks was gazing at me more dreamily than Sirius; yet every time I glanced over at her she blushed and looked away.

"So," I began, cutting through the silence like a knife, "How's this going to work? I suppose you know more about this than we do."

"Well I've been talking among the Ministry and it's all rather simple as this is privately arranged. But I need one of yours sperm." She muttered, glancing from one of us to the other. I flicked my head towards Sirius, "That's his job."

Her attention diverted to Sirius and she smiled serenely; "Will we be having sex then?"

No, I answered in my head, expecting my partner to do the same. "I don't see why n-" I jabbed him in the stomach and glared at him for even suggesting such a thing. "No, we can use swabs and stuff," He wheezed, curling in on himself and clutching his stomach.

Dramatic fool, I didn't hit him that hard.

"Ok, but before we do anything I think we should draw up some contracts, things we require of each other during the pregnancy. You should do that at home to you two have time to talk over what you want to do. After that we sit tight and wait until the birth."

Somewhere the sticking charm had worn off and he had moved slightly away, so I grabbed his hand and pulled him into me, squeezing him in a whole-heartedly delighted fashion. "We're going to have a baby!" I whispered, hugging him tighter.

"I know, Remmie, I know," He smiled faintly, still taking it in I guessed.

Tonks got up grinning and strolled to the door, "Drinks anyone?" She offered.

I let a grin burst onto my face and nodded, letting go of my soon to be husband. "I think I will, Sirius why don't you talk with Tora for a moment." Tonks pulled me into the kitchen and boosted herself onto the worktop, flicking the kettle on.

"Tea, Remus?" She offered, I nodded.

"She knows who he is." She stated, flicking her wand to close the door.

What, she- but she still agreed to this. She must be out of her mind to agree to have a child with someone, who was in her eyes, a mass murderer.

"But what, why? If she knows he's Sirius then why is she doing this?" I stuttered, not quite being able to understand what was going on. Tonks smiled kindly and put a hand on my shoulder, blushing a little as she did so.

"There was a newspaper article...just after Sirius had gone to Azkaban, she was deeply moved by what you said. She figured that if you loved him that much then he can't be that bad. She also believes that anyone deserves a child."

"So does she know...did you tell her about - well, erm, about my-" Somehow the words were hard to force from my mouth, scared that once I said them, Tora might overhear and snap up her offer as quick as she made it.

"No. I thought if you wanted her to know then you'd tell her yourself. So, everythings looking up for you guys. I'm really happy for you." I shot a quick smile at her and peeked round the door, she was just slipping a tattered piece of paper into her pocket.

Sirius looked as if he were a cow in an abattoir. "That doesn't prove anything, he could've quite easily fallen in love again." That was quite a reasonable argument for anyone who didn't know me, or him, or the depth of our relationship. I had never even looked at anyone else, not seriously at least. And I was certain I would not see if someone was flirting with me if they came over and stuck their hand down my pants.

"That isn't the voice of a man who can easily change his feelings. And if you aren't Sirius I am very sorry but I think he's using you."

I would like to say that I hadn't ever used anyone, but me and Sirius would both know thats a lie. I had used Caleb to get over Sirius, and later on his brother Fabian, when Sirius when to Azkaban. I was all too capable of using people. Luckily, here, this wasn't the case. He was my Sirius Black, and we were going to be a family.

"Fine, you got me. I am Sirius Black, so go on, arrest me, send me back to that God awful place, destroy mine and Remus's dreams of having a child." I started to walk across the hall to hold him in my arms as his head sank into the hands that were so nervously propped up off his lap.

"If you were guilty Harry Potter would be dead by now. Anyway, anyone who holds the love of a man that sweet, and wants a little baby so much can't be that bad." She grinned and I slipped back into the room running my hands down Sirius's chest...outside the shirt I might add..."Everything ok?" I asked, as if I didn't know.

"Everything's fine Remmie, I'm certain she's a Ravenclaw!"


	58. Chapter 58

**Exam results, I'm going to be feeling the same soon, mine are coming out too! Havent done this yet I dont think so..._Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, if I did Remus and Sirius would never be apart! Tonks would've died in Siriu's place and Narcissa would have died in Tonks's place and Arthur would've died instead of Remus (I haven't got anything against him, I just prefer Remus)_**

The red florally patterned carpet thudded beneath my feet; already the track I'd trod had become so worn that it had gone a lighter, almost pink colour. To add insult to injury, I really should be asleep with the full moon approaching with every passing hour.

It was 11:57, McGonnagal was coming at 1. Why couldn't she come sooner? This was torture. Sirius was slouched, in a chair about 5 paces away, 4 paces, 3 paces, 2 paces, 1 pace, he stroked my hand, 1 pace away, 2 paces away, 3...

Lily smiled at me sympathetically, she knew and acknowledged more than James, Sirius and Peter put together. She was the only one who truly knew how important these results were.

Peter was stuffing his face as if he'd been starved for months, he had a large baguette filled with ham, lettuce, mustard, and pretty much everything in the kitchens.

James was kissing Lily's neck, playing with her hair, stopping only occasionally to breathe and eye up another girl across the room. He truly was an arrogant arse at the best of times.

12:00, I reached Sirius and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto his lap, stroking up my legs and kissing my neck. "Rems, relax, how about you open my results so when you open yours they're so much better than what you thought." I turned, placing my hands on his to stop them venturing further up my thighs.

"How in Merlins name is that actually going to work?" I asked incredulously, his hands breaking free from mine and making me shudder as they made it over the boundary between leg and stomach. "I don't know, I was just thinking that we have an hour, the dorms empty and-"

"No."

"I was going to say we could talk about what we're gong to do after school is over, how we're going to meet up and such." I rolled my eyes, turning to him, "No you weren't; you were going to say 'and we haven't had a decent shag in ages' I know you Sirius and you never want to talk about your feelings or plan anything unless its a decent prank or I pin you down to the bed and make you talk about them."

"Okay, fine, you got me...but at least you agree. Come_ on _Moons, I'm a teenage man. I have needs and you, my darling, as my wonderful and lovely boyfriend are meant to cater to them. And instead of the 5 star service-with-a-smile haute cuisine you usually supply I'm getting a cold out-of-date ready meal for one."

"Are you calling me cold and out of date?" I chuckled, leaning back into his shoulder, so when he next spoke his delicate breath would creep down into my shirt and warm me up to a fever point.

"If it'll get me laid," He replied hopefully, jerking up an eyebrow and kissing my neck, giving me unsightly and obvious goosebumps.

I huffed, and toyed with my long hair, scraping it back into a ponytail and tying it with the cord that was around my wrist. "My hair is way too long," I sighed, twirling the clump of it around my finger. He laughed, the beautiful sound that for ages I had longed for, finally back within my grasp.

He was right, we did have an hour, and I did need to relax. But no, no I would wait until afterwards, either when he needs to cheer me up or in celebration.

But until then...I began to get up to resume pacing. Two firm arms wrapped around my waist and dragged me back to his lap, clutching onto me incase I made another escape attempt. "Pacing isn't helping anything, you may aswell be sitting here keeping my lap warm and my hands busy. Remus, trust me, you really are going to do fine." My nose touched the tip of his as I turned my head to glare at him. "And what if I fail?" I sighed, brushing my lips against his so lightly it was almost ghost-like, a whisper passed between lovers.

He shook his head, "Then I will take you in and support you for the rest of my life. Now shut up, stop worrying and kiss me properly." He demanded, grabbing my neck and forcing us together. Our tongues clashed together with a mutual groan and my arms slithered around his neck, slipping my fingertips below his collar and rubbing the nape of his neck, where his unruly hair met flesh.

His skin was so smooth and flawless, it almost made me sick how perfect he could be, whereas I, I might be able to stand with pride next to him if I weren't marred with endless scarring, both emotional and physical. I almost dared to imagine what our relationship would've been like if they'd found a cure for it. Sirius would've rushed out and surprised me with some miracle potion that I could take once and it'd be gone for good. My skin could heal, the spark that had been in my juvenile eyes, before this curse would return with fervour.

I'm sure I would look younger, lose this weathered look that made me seem like I'd grown up too fast. Well, I had.

Sirius kept me young, I figured without him I would be middle aged by now, He kept me laughing when all I wanted to do was cry, he was always around when I needed him most. I could not imagine life without him, just a dull bleary mess until he rejoined my side.

Would I ever be able to feel like I belong next to him? I'd always be scarred and older than my age, standing next to my opposite, the perfect, juveile Sirius Black.

He pulled away cocking his head, if my expression was as dazed as I felt then he had reason to look confused. I shook my head and nuzzled into his chest, inhaling his comforting scent that I loved so much.

He rested his cheek on my head and stroked my back, blocking out the world with his body and caresses. I needed nothing more than him...and possibly good N.E.W.T results.

"Good afternoon students," Came the authoritative chirp of Professor McGonagall, I spun round as she summoned in a stack of envelopes which, on her command flew around the room, landing in the hands and laps of their proper recipients.

The crisp white envelope that placed itself in my lap seemed especially foreboding, the official Ministry stamp sealing it shut. "I don't want to open this." I whispered, Sirius who had already tore into his was grinning. In an attempt to calm my nerves I asked hi mabout his results.

"I got an Exceeds Expectations in Potions," He said in a mock snobby voice, "But only because they didn't _expect_ me to turn up! A T in Charms, and an O in transfiguration...I guess being half dog would help," He added quietly, positively beaming. "E in Divination and O in Defence against the Dark Arts, Remmie, hons can you believe it...two O's, some of you're incessant revising must've been transferred over in all the making out we've been doing, so what have you got?"

I pushed the envelope into his hands, "Open it for me, I can't," I mumbled, blushing a vivid red. He rolled his eyes and took it up with an elaborate flourish, tearing the seal without so much of a blink. He slowly pulled the folded piece of parchment out and eyed it suspiciously.

"Remus John Lupin...Oh Merlin Remmie, you got 5 T's and a D in Ancient Runes...I'm so sorry!"

I made a grab for the paper and my other hand flicked out and slapped him hard across the cheek. He gasped and held his palm against the reddening flesh.

Remus John Lupin: N.E.W.T Exam results  
Defence Against the Dark Arts - Outstanding  
Ancient Runes - Acceptable  
Divinatination - Acceptable  
Potions - Outstanding  
Charms - Outstanding  
Transfiguration - Exceeds Expectations

The parchment fluttered to the floor, out of the reach of my dumbstruck hands. "Rems, you did amazing, what are you so worried about?"

Robotically, I raised msyelf from the lap of my lover and snatched up the results. "I'll see you tomorrow, or maybe at my funeral, when I die a lonely tramp on the streets."

I made it to the dorm and laid face down on the floor, wallowing in self pity and making discontent moans.

"Remus," A soft voice whispered, stroking my hair comfortingly; "Moons, please don't be like that, you did fantastically. Please don't be like this, you can live off my fortune, all we have to do is kill off my parents." He chuckled.

Sighing, he paused a second. "Look, I'm sick of this. You are going to get up and you are going to appreciate the results you got because they are astounding." He pulled me up by the shoulders and flipped me over, glaring at me with steel hard eyes.

I glared back just as hard, for a few tense moments before he slapped me twice as hard as I'd slapped him.

"What was that for?" I squawked, rubbing my cheek.

"Are you back to normal now?" He whined, hoisting me onto his lap.

"I think so," A grin instantly skipped across his face and he kissed me, popping the buttoms of my top undone and leaning down to peck along every scar and play with the ridged flesh that resided there.

"Can we celebrate now?" He sighed, intentionally leaving the dew of his breath to steam up my chest, like a mirror on a cold morning.

All it took was a single nod and his passion flared up, engulfing us both in the flames.

But I still didn't think my results were good enough.


	59. Chapter 59

**Meet Mummy Lupin! Present...enjoy**

It woke up to the intrusive beams of sunlight casting themselves across the euphoric forms of me and Sirius. I was curled against his torso, head nuzzled into his chest.

I knew he was asleep, no matter how much he liked to think he was constantly alert and knew everything quite a bit happened between the time normal people woke up and the time Sirius woke up. I hardly wanted to move away from this, to leave his bittersweet scent and stifling embrace; to join a cold, hard, emotionless world in the lonely hours before Sirius joined it too.

I sighed over his chest, turning my head slightly to kiss the most prominant tatoo on his chest. It still perplexed me why he had got them, and I knew that one of them held my name in runes, but it was a while since I had studied runes and I wasn't very good to begin with.

His hand left a searing mark on my back where it rested, firmly tucking me against him and unconciously willing me not to move. It was amazing that after all this time, all that life threw at us to tear us apart, we were still together and still so amazingly in love.

"Sirius, I know you're asleep but I just want to tell you I really do love you. And I still have no clue why you love me after all these years but I'm so grateful you do. And Padfoot...we're going to be a family! I think we would've been if you hadn't gone to Azkaban. We might even be seeing them off to Hogwarts soon if you hadn't of got framed. Can you imagine, our little kids going off to Hogwarts all on their own. Siri, I really can't wait until we've got our little baby."

He groaned in his sleep and shuffled a little, pulling me tighter into his chest.

I had hardly ever dared to imagine what our lives would've been like had Sirius not been convicted. We would've adopted Harry probably, after James and Lily were murdered. We would've brought him up together, probably in Grimmauld Place, once we decorated it of course. We could've had another child, a little brother or sister for Harry. Of course, if I were to go back in time and fix what went wrong would create a huge paradox, not to mention it was against the law.

And one thing I never ever thought about was what would've happened had James and Lily survived.

Sirius stirred and moaned as his body forced him back to conciousness. "Mmm, Remmie, is that you?" He felt around the bed before ruffling my hair. "Good morning, Sirius. Did you sleep well?" He flashed his infamous grin that had had the female population of Hogwarts swooning at his feet, and was almost entirely responsible for the birth of his reputation as the "Gryffin-whore"

"Yes, very well after our celebration at becoming fathers." I smirked, and chuckled under my breath. It had been Sirius's suggestion that since we were trying to have a baby, and since I wasn't female we should make it thorough and put in the hard work ourselves before Tora actually got pregnant.

I went along with it because even if I said no he would've found another excuse to sleep with me every night this week.

A short sharp tap at the window brought us both to look up. A grey owl perched there, a slip of parchment tied to its leg. It was staring at me, normally the owls that came were either Hedwig or Pig and they were for Sirius. This owl was completely new.

Sirius looked just as confused. I shuffled out of bed, aware of Sirius's penetrating gaze following me and let the owl in.

I released the note from his leg and it promptly flew off out of the open window.

Carefully, I opened the note and sat down on the edge of the bed; beginning to read:

_Dearest Remus,  
I hope you are well and sitting down. I don't quite know how to tell you darling, but your father died from Dragon Pox last night. Had he asked for you I would've sent word but he never mentioned a want to see you one last time. I have always felt he blamed himself for your condition, and never quite accepted you, but now he is gone I hope you can see it in your heart to atttend the funeral and at least forgive him for his mistakes.  
I would love to see you, and perhaps you could bring along any partner you may be with. We haven't spoken in so long I feel I hardly know you, and with your fathers passing I think there would be no better time to get in touch again.  
Hope to see you soon,  
Mum xx_

Sirius, who had read over my shoulder, and somehow accumulated a shirt and boxers, something he was lacking less than 10 minutes ago wrapped his arms around me and sat there, waiting for me to respond. It was strange, I wasn't as upset about my dad dying as I thought I might be. It was just a little odd, like waking up one morning to find yourself in a brand new bed, you didn't expect it, and you don't know quite how it happened. I was almost relieved that my dad was dead, not in a horrible way, just that I wouldn't have to deal with the glares every time I mentioned Sirius, or when I spoke about my lycanthropy and he would divert the topic as soon as he could.

Or that awkward time when he openly started ranting, in front of all the Marauders about how I should be more like James. Get a GIRLfriend, actually, get more than one, come out of my shell more, take up a sport, get over this gay phase. He even went so far to wish that James was his son and not me.

That was what he said, in front of everyone. I had wanted to curl up and die, he probably wouldn't've cared.

Yet thats why I loved Sirius so much, he constantly let me know I was worth it; even in the years when we weren't together. After every full moon I'd curl up and cry in my bed, at first I passed it off saying that I was worried for my ill mum, and Sirius would assure me that everything would be ok. Then once they knew he'd hug me and tell me I was the bravest person he knew and that he wished he could be more like me someday.

And of course after we were together he'd kiss me and make it better, hold me all night long and stroke gently over all my newest scars, trying his best to heal them.

If my father had even loved me a tenth of what Sirius did I might find myself in a position where I'd be mourning him. But as it was I felt myself feeling mildly annoyed that my dad hadn't wanted to see me.

After the annoyance came the pity for my mother. I had to see her, and as soon as possible.

"Moony, are you alright?" I got up and nodded firmly.

"I'm fine, it's just the shock, where's my shi-" He handed me the light blue fabric that Sirius always said 'brought out my eyes'.

"Why the rush?" He asked, getting up and buttoning my shirt for me whilst I pulled on boxers and trousers. "We're going to see my mum," His face lit up, my mum had always been so nice to him, moreso than his own mother. "Will there be cake?"

"Maybe for me, but not for you, you're going to be a dog...Mr Mass Murderer." I smiled, kissing his lips briefly, barely giving him enough time to slip his tongue into my mouth before I pulled away, grinning at his rejected expression. "I'm sorry, honey, but I really want to get going, I'm thinking of apparating, we could floo, what do you think?"

"Floo, works better with me as an animal." I planted a kiss on the tip of his nose and started out of the room, a now obedient dog shuffling along beside me.

I stumbled out of the fireplace, Sirius shaking the soot out of his fur all over my mums carpet. I pointed my wand at it and effectively hoovered it all up. My mums head popped around the kitchen door, spattered with flour and her eyes brightened when she saw me. "Remus," She sighed as I strolled over and hugged her tightly.

"Its been too long son, how have you been?" She asked, towing me over to the sofa and sitting me down. Sirius laid by my feet, rolling on his back so I could scratch his belly. I leant down and fussed with the fine hair there. "I've been alright, I'm sorry about Dad." I said and Sirius barked, as if agreeing.

"Life goes on, now, I've put the kettle on, you are going to tell me everything!" She fussed, bustling over and sitting beside me, stroking Sirius's head. "Well mum, er, I don't know what to say. Erm, I guess you know Sirius escaped,"

"Oh yeah, have you been ok? He hasn't come for you has he? I sitll can't believe it, he was such a nice child," I'd have to explain that he wasn't actually a murderer, but how?

"Um, to be honest mum, me and Sirius are back together, and he's innocent. I swear to you it wasn't him he was framed." She sighed and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Remus, I know you've always loved him but sometimes you need to see what isn't good for you. He's obviously led you along with a story that you've believed." Padfoot wadered away, probably into the kitchen to see if her cake was ok.

"No, he hasn't I've seen the proof, one of the people he supposedly killed isn't dead he's the one who did it!"

"And who is that?"

"Peter Pettigrew." Sirius snarled, emerging human from the kitchen. "Sirius isn't a death eater and he didn't kill James and Lily, it was Peter all along." I explained, getting up to join Sirius and stroking my arm around his waist. She nodded slowly, and I wasn't sure whether she believed me or not but she seemed to be accepting him.

"What else, that can't be it after all this time." I smiled and walked over to her, embracing my mum for the first time in a while. "You're going to be a grandma." I whispered. Sirius joined in the hug, positioning himslef directly behind me with his head perching on my shoulder. "How?" She gasped, mouth making a delicate little 'o' of shock.

"We found a surrogate mum and we just have to draw up a contract and do all the technical stuff and we're going to be a family." She stepped back and I could see tears welling in the depths of her bright blue eyes, the same colour of mine.

"And well, also, we're getting married, or whatever it is we do..." Sirius said, blushing as he kissed my cheek. She grinned, and ran over, not to me like I was expecting, but to Sirius. She kissed him on either cheek and then took his face in her hands, "You know Sirius, I don;t care if ou are a murderer -"

"I'm not," He interrupted, she rolled her eyes and continued; "- You've been there for my son for so long, and no matter what I said earlier you are right for him. Welcome to the family." She beamed, extending an arm to me to join the hug that had just formed.

After we broke apart, me and Sirius still holding hands, we all made it to the sofa where mum turned to us and folded her hands on her lap.

"So...who's genes is the kid having?" I pointed to Sirius and she looked a little disappointed that she wouldn't have a blood grandchild. "Mum, I couldn't take the chance of it being like me. Its going to be hard enough having a child with me as I am, let alone a child with the same problem." Sirius rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand, "Remmie, there is nothing wrong with you and you know it." Sirius protested and my mother nodded. Being ganged up on was never fun.

"Siri, please don't patronise me, you know as well as I do that I am a danger not only to myself but to others once a month. Can you imagine if I brought a child into the world with the same problem?" Sirius sighed in defeat and quickly kissed my forhead.

My mum smiled sympathetically and patted my shoulder; "Remus, you have always been the one to think things through." I smiled and nodded, just as the timer on the cooker went off.

I was suddenly made aware of the amazing smell of chocolate that was filling the room. Sirius got it too and smiled as my mum left the room.

"You're perfect to me Moony, and you always will be."

"Don't count on it...the full moon's in seven days." I reminded him, watching his eyes dull with the knowledge of what was to come.

I always had a clever little way of proving him wrong.


	60. Chapter 60

**He he he, here's for some good old fashioned pain...mua ha ha...hope you enjoy!**

Sirius pranced into the room clutching the black plastic bag with sex emblazoned on every possible surface of it. How he had got it past every single student, teacher, portrait and ghost in these hallowed halls I didn't dare guess at. James slowly swivveled his head to face my boyfriend and grinned; a cheshire cat in the making.

"We're all set for tomorrow then?" He whispered, a huge plan glistening within his eyes ashe plunged into the offensive bag and pulled out a crucial piece of my future attire. Baby pink hot pants with angel across the arse in bright blue diamonds.

James cocked his head to the side and examined them from all angles until I cleared my throat and reached my hand out towards them.

"I believe those belong to me."

Peter guffawed, his large belly rumbling with the excertion of it. "What are you going as then?"

"Merlin knows...James's botch probably...like the rest of us," I giggled, running my finger over the rough surface of the lettering and chuckling to myself.

"Everyone else? But I thought I was going as Dumbledore!"

"Oh, Wormy about that: your proposal has been overruled, on the grounds that whilst dumbledore has more of a slim frame, you have more of an apple shaped body." Sirius stated, patting the unsightly stomach.

"What? Thats unfair! Moony, tell them its unfair!" He pleaded.

"Sorry, Pete, the Pimp Master and Head Bitch's words are final. I am, as a lowly servant, in no place to challenge them"

Wormtail fell back against the bedpost, attempting to pout, he would've done a good job had he not hit his head and proceeded to writhe around on the dorm floor crying and howling in pain. Much to the remaining Marauders amusement.

"Oh, I forgot to ask, hows the cane coming along? It's not in here"

"Fabes is on it as we speak - I told him to meet us outside the common room."

"What, is everything ok with you two then?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Who do you think tried on all this for you, because it wasn't me, you're a midget."

"I swear you've got selective autism, by the way, Lily's ready for you."

I groaned and got up, pulling Sirius up with me. Time to go have my skin ripped off."

Standing at the bottom of the stairs I saw the spread eagled form of my lover shift his way, inch by inch over the shining slide that was our downfall. Lily had said she'd send the Gryffindor chaser down to fly us up, but Sirius was dead set on 'outwitting Dumbleore' as it were. So far he hadn't made much progress as he shuffled at a snails pace around the corner that would lead him to his destination.

After another 5 minutes and Sirius disappearing completely from view; a short blonde, bouncy girl, possibly in the 4th year, clutching onto her broom in one hand. "You ready?" She beamed, as I took a seat sideways on the flying contraption. She mounted it in front of me and glanced backwards to make sure I was seated securely.

After that she proceeded to transport both myself and the broom up the would-be staricase, if I had any doubts why I wasn't a Quidditch player at the bottom of the stair case, I was well assured at the top.

Remus Lupin was not one to stay on something the width of his arm as it moved at alarming speeds. It just was not going to happen.

Sirius was stood proudly in the doorway professign his intelligence and resourcefulness at being able to get up the stairs. I clutched onto the doorframe for support until the group noticed my presence and dragged me into the room.

"Are we all set then?" Lily asked, a mischevious grin lingering on her face and in her eyes.

I nodded and let a group of girls lead me over to a bed which I was pushed down upon rather forcefully. They removed both my trousers and shirt and left me in nothing but boxers, while I had one girl (each adorned with a box of wax strips) on each of my arms and legs.

In perfect unison they took out the sticky little strips, which to me seemed pretty inoffensive. They began to fervently rub them between the palms of their hands in an all to threatening manner. They were all glancing at each other and grinning evilly.

One by one, starting with my right arm the girls placed their strips down and smoothed them over my skin. I inhaled and held my breath.

Then all at once the little pieces of paper were ripped off, and the pain I thought I'd experience never came. Just a brief tingling that was absolutely nothing compared to the sheer torture I experienced on a monthly basis.

The girls groaned and pouted, glancing around disappointedly at the fact I wasn't rolling and writhing in pain. Grinning up at them, I glanced over to my other half who was clsoe enough for me to touch...how had I not realised this...maybe the build up distracted me.

He glanced over at me with tears brimming in his glacial eyes. I had to offer what little support I could in this situation; I nuzzled my face into his cheek which was wet, with either tears or sweat, at present I couldn't tell.

"You know...if you're wearing a thong, we're going to have to wax your arse...and whist we're i nthat region, we might aswell wax everything else. Oh and by we, I mean I," I grinned, kissing his cheek as small patches of my legs were touched up on.

He glared at me, knocking tender tears from his eyes to his cheeks; "Its going to leave me ball-less i can feel it." He moaned.

I smiled over at him and explained my part of the bargain; "Well, I'll kiss it better and I'll let you do mine, in way of payment,"

"I don't know who gave you love potion, but I like it, now could you get the girls to leave?" he asked as I pulled him into my warm, hairless embrace and brushed my lips against his.

"You are not shagging in my dorm or my bed!" Lily growled, parting me and my love from each other heartlessly. "Honestly Moons, I thought you were the responsible one."

"I am, I am," I pleaded, clinging to Sirius all the harder. "I just want to wax him, I dont want to marr these pure girls mental state, he has a hairy bum."

She let me go and scowled at us, finally vacating the room with threats of holding Sirius responsible.

I sighed into the open air, now undisturbed by the flock of girls and Sirius flicked his eyes unto the open packet of wax strips. "Get it over with." He sighed and dropped his pants, gripping onto the bedposts and biting his lip.

"Moony, hurry up! I can't take this!" He whinged as I warmed the wax up between my palms. I applied the wax to the designated area and he winced and held his breath.

"Okay, you ready, honey, we'll do it on 3...1...2.." RIP! He squealed like a girl and I laughed, disposing of the used strip.

"Y-you said on three." He stammered, "You went on 2"

"It helps if you're surprised, trust me, it would've hurt more if I went on 3," I explainecd; he grumbled at me and told me to drop my pants because now it was my turn.

He mercilessly took three tries to remove all the hair from my balls, which had me (the master of pain) with watery eyes.

Just as Sirius was holding the used strip, ready to get rid of it a shrill voice interuppted our painful haze. "BLACK, LUPIN, WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

I blushed all the way down my chest and turned to face our formidable head of house...Minerva McGonnagal.

"Waxing each others balls." Sirius stated, strutting over and looping his arm over her shoulders, his classic charm manoever. "Is that a problem, Minnie?" He asked smoothly, a complete contrast to the jerking, rushed movements I was exuding in trying to get my trousers back on.

"Yes, I'm afraid it is Mr Black. My office. Now."

And thus, Sirius (in a way only Sirius Black could) strutted, the entire way to McGonnagal's office...entirely naked.


	61. Chapter 61

_Hey Remus,  
Before you wonder, it's me Fabes. Hope you didn't forget me! I know I didn't forget you! And hey, in case you didn't notice, a certain someone is out of prison...but you probably did, and you two are probably at it as I'm writing this. Good for you, don't let a few murders get in the way of true love. But just to let you know; I don't think he did it, and I have put a letter for him in with the envelope. You can read it if you want, if you want to read it go ahead, it's nothing private. _

_It'd be great to see you in the next few weeks, maybe before or after Christmas, I'd love to catch up; but if you guys are in hiding then I can come to you, no problem. Oh and I have a bit of news for you both which I'd prefer to tell you in person but if that's not an option then just owl back and let me know and I'll floo you or something._

_See you soon, lots of love_

_Fabes_

I put the letter back down on the bed and placed a kiss on Sirius's cheek before nuzzling into the same part of his anatomy. "Hmm, what Remmie?" He purred, turning his face and kissing me gently.

"Nothing much, you just smell delicious, do you know that? That and Fabes owled,"

He cocked his head towards me and raised his eyebrows; "Oh, really, I thought you were smirking at a blank piece of parchment for fun." He retorted sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and presented him with the enclosed letter, which he snatched from my awaiting hands and scanned quickly through the text.

"You can slow down, Padfoot, the letter's not going anywhere." I reminded him, chuckling. He got to the end of his letter and his face fell. Being to caring fiancé I was I sidled closer to him and pulled him into my side in an odd, one-armed hug. "I'm not going to be able to see him am I? Arthur said the Ministry is upping their search for me and someone told them that I'm an animagus. So bluntly I can't go out." He growled. I would be lying if I said I had no clue being stuck here had such an effect on him and this must be the final nail in the coffin.

Fabes was one of our best friends, and to not be able to see him must be killing him inside. I was off on missions more frequently nowadays, he only had Molly and Kreacher for company and it was another fortnight before the kids were home. Not to mention all the bad memories being here evoked for him. There were even a few bad memories I'd prefer not to relive in this place. My poor Siri, spent 12 years in hell for something he would never have done and now he was back in prison again, sans dementors.

I hugged him harder and kissed the top of his head. "We could always floo him," I offered. Sirius shook his head against my chest. "My delicate naïve moonbeam, do you not realise exactly where the floo network goes, how it's monitored? The ministry, we might as well just go up to London now and turn me in."  
I gnawed on the inside of my cheek, trying to find something to say that could possible calm him down or solve our problem. The answer that came to my mind was to clear Sirius's name. Which led to another one…find Peter. Sirius wasn't going to like me leaving him, but it had to be done. I got up, resolve firm and determined in my blood. Revenge clouding my thoughts; Sirius looked up at me first with curiosity, but as soon as I began grabbing belongings, with panic.

"Remus, Remmie! Where are you going? You're leaving me? Why? What have I done? I'll be better I promise!" He pleaded, grabbing my arm with eyes drowning in fresh tears.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm going to find Peter, if anything is going to solve this, that's it." He shook his head and grabbed both my hands. "Remember when we were in France, and I went to find him and all that worry you went through thinking I'd died, how do you even think you can put me through that? We should go together, I don't care about getting caught, it's worth the risk just to know that you're ok. Please don't go alone, get Kingsley or Moody or even bloody Tonks – no wait, I don't trust her - okay, anybody but Tonks to go with you! You just can't go alone."

"Sirius, I understand you're worried, but I'm a full grown man. I know more defensive magic than most of the people in the order. I'm not that reckless 20 year old I once was. I am not that person anymore Siri." I explained, still packing, with a more fervent manner.

He sank down against the side of the bed, legs bent, and watched me, a sorrow in his eyes that I hadn't before encountered, one of total defeat. "I have responsibilities now," I added, more gently this time, "You, Harry, our child. I'm not doing this for the thrill of adventure, I'm doing this so that our child can grow up with both of their fathers. Not a useless old werewolf and a convict. And I'll be back before the full moon, you know that. I couldn't cope without you around. It'll only be a couple of weeks, at most. I will write every single day so that you know I'm ok. I promise. And anyway, this is Peter, I pretty much taught him every spell he knows."

With a sigh of expelled stress, Sirius relaxed and got up, walking over to me, still resigned to defeat, but just a little bit happier. He wrapped his arms around my waist and leant up to kiss me. "You're not useless, and you're not old. And Rems, if you do not come back in one piece, I'll never forgive you." He whispered, before capturing my lips in a kiss that would have to last me for the weeks we'd be apart.

"Adieu, my love, I must go talk to a certain potions professor about a rat." And with a quick smile backwards and my shrunk belongings in my pocket I left him standing alone, watching me leave with longing eyes.


	62. Chapter 62

**Hey, I'm back, sorry it's been so bad lately, started college, did a year of that, got no writing done, but now I should be back in the habit! I hope!**

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The dorm was dark, empty; air hanging with suspect and fear. Peter and James were asleep, snoring quietly. But even having my friends so close and content was not easing the knotting in the pit of my stomach. I clung - red and puffy eyed - with the threat of losing the lover I had just won back. My legs were soft and had a wierd feel in my trousers. Sirius had specifically told me not to get into my pyjamas. Perhaps he wants a strip-tease my mind thought, a light blush rising to my cheeks. Even after so many times, the slightest quip, or remark, or even a careless innuendo would have me turning tomato red in no time.

As I was lost in my less-than-innocent thoughts Sirius's dark and grinning head popped itself around the dorm door, I sprung into action and accusation.  
"Where have you been? It's been over an hour since you but my hair and left me here!" I hissed, my voice not too loud so as not to disturb the slumbering lions. The cut hairs itched at my neck and I scratched wanting to take the shirt off and shake it out, have a long bath and then curl up with Sirius as we spoke about a future already unfurling before us. He turned, revealing an empty pocket, and empty hand, devoid of the map I took too long cultivating. "And where is the map? You lost it didn't you? I can't believe you'd just lose it like that..." I muttered half to myself, and half to the shambles of a man in front of me.

"You're too nervous, Moony," He started as he swaggered over to my bed and plonked himself down upon it. "Besides, I didn't lose it, Filchy-boy took it." He offered by way of explanation. I sighed in exasperation and fell backwards onto the abundance of cushions my mother had sent whenever she got a new issue of Homeware Craft Monthly. Not complaining though, the cushions came in handy for angling sometimes - and there goes the blush again.

"You're a terrible boyfriend." I huffed, slinging one cushion across my face. He laughed casually in reply, "And you're a terrible liar." He retorted, quick as ever. I had yet to find a situation that Sirius did not have a quip for, and also had a feeling it would be a long and hard quest. He pulled at my arm, managing to get me up into a limp sitting position. "Now come on, I have a surprise to show you!" He beamed, obviously proud of himself. I erred on the way to taking Sirius's hand, but eventually did, with a tired grin.  
"Please tell me you haven't killed Caleeb and stashed his body in the wods for me to maul on the next full moon?" I sighed, leaning my head on his shoulder and kissing his neck chastely.  
"Dammit, you caught me, guess I'll have to cover my tracks better." He laughed, pressing his hand to my eyes. "Don't peep." He instructed, and when he felt my eyelashes press down onto my cheeks; his hand moved to lead me down stairs and into the common room. There was a breeze and a fluttering sound. The window was open and the curtains were flapping - I assumed.

"You're not looking are you?" He asked, in the manner of a parent asking his child if he were lying. I answered in the negative and he made an approving sound in his throat. "Good, because you'll sell me when kazoo." He mumbled, although I was sure that wasn't what he said.  
"What was that, Sirikins?" I asked, cocking my head in curiosity. He swept me up into a carry, moving me closer to the cold breeze.

"Nothing." He chirped, wrapping something soft and fabric-like around both of our waists and positioning me to cling to him tightly. "This isn't something stupid, unsafe and potentially fatal, right?" I asked with a frown on my blind face. He answered with a shaky 'no' and I scoffed. "It feels oddly like doing something stupid, unsafe and potentially fatal...perhaps abseiling off the Gryffindor Tower, or tying us to the side of the tower in protest about leaving?"  
"Well it's not, so keep your eyes shut and trust me." He huffed, the fabric around us moving slightly, feeling the wall move too. We were descending.

Instinct made me open my eyes, and my fingers dug into Sirius's back. "Sirius. Orion. Black. Stop. Right. This. Second!" I squealed, still managing to be threatening even in my terrified state. He clenched his jaw. "You looked." He huffed, as if it was my fault we were going to fall to our doom, romantically locked in each other's arms as we made a interesting shaped splatter on the Hogwarts grounds.  
"Why are we abseiling off Gryffindor tower?" I asked, burying my head into his neck to try and get rid of the nausea swiring within my gut. "...we're not..." He tried, nuzzling his face into my hair but looking into the distance. I had a realisation dawn on me and looked to Sirius, focussing on his eyes and not the drop ot the ground. "What is abseiling, Sirius?" I asked, sighing exasperatedly again.  
"Abs...sailing...sailing...with your abs out...so sailing shirtless...in that case, no, Moony, we are not, because there is no water and I am still in a shirt! So hah!" He said with a grin, as if proving the meaning of life or finding a cure of lycanthropy. I sighed once again, "If we survive this, I'm going to kill you." I said blankly, barely any feeling in my voice.  
"Look, we'll both make it to the ground intact, I promise." He soothed, kissing my forehead. "Our relationship might not." I grumbled, clinging to him tighter and squeaking as we sunk more to the ground.

As soon as my toes touched the ground I reacted like a cat in a plastic bag, tearing my way out of my restraints and stumbling a few steps away from Sirius. "I...I...how are we going to get back up! You're such a twat! Why are we even down here, I'm cold, and want to be cuddled up in bed, not out in the cold with a psycho who might just be leading me to my doom!" Sirius hugged me tightly and ignored my struggles and ranting.

"We already know I'd die without you, so why on Earth would I be leading you to your doom?" He asked with a bored voice, as if dealing with a stupid child. Nevertheless, he took my hand and led me over the fields where I began to see a picnic blanket, under the stars and walked into a warming charm- like being under a huge blanket.  
As soon as I made it under the golden arc of light, I ran to Sirius and hugged him tenderly. "Siri...you did all of this...all for me...oh...Merlin I'm so sorry!" I gasped, feeling terrible for threatening him the way I had and being so cold. We laid down on the blanket and I brought over a couple of the cushions from my bed to lean on. Before too long I was wrapped up in Sirius's arms; my head on his chest, tracing patters of stars and constellations, explaining each one. "They'er all so bright tonight, they're all beautiful." I gasped, seeing one shoot across our sky.

Sirius immediately asked me what I wished for, I wished for him. I wished to have Sirius my whole life through. "If I told you it won't come true." I said softly, pointing out another constellation.

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**Reviews will be lovely!**


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